Steer DC to a major with better employment outlook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh c'mon OP. You're being ridiculous.

We have four kids, now well into adulthood, and about the same net worth as you. We paid for college, grad school, down payments for houses and weddings and nice family vacations. This landed our kids on third base. They're teachers, social workers, immigration workers, public health workers, etc. Three are married to partners in similar jobs. And they're all fine. Better than fine. And very happy.

Use what you have to make your kids happy. Not miserable in jobs they don't want. And with one kid you can easily afford it..

this is the way to do it. no debt, and you can fund lots of their lifestyle if you want. 4 kids, get each one a new car every 4 years - pay for family vacations - cover the random incidentals that wreck young households finances (leaking roof, medical bill, etc).

PP here. I mean, seriously, it's a no brainer. Another example of how we handle: one of our grandkids just got into a ridiculously expensive (7k for 2 weeks) summer program at a fancy college. Personally we think it's ridiculous--obviously just a money maker for the school--but what the hell, when we learned about it we told the parents we wanted to pay for it. They pushed back, hard, and we just said "just let us do it and throw what you were gonna spend into the college fund." They were very grateful and definitely did not see it coming.

Easy peasy, OP. This is the way to go.

perfect example, would not have the chance to go to that summer program. lots of little things you can help out with.

our parents (your age), bought their kids cars. paid the 150k private school tuition bill this year (indirectly) - even though we can afford it. makes life alot easier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

But it’s not like she will have $9M at graduation. It could be 20+ years before she sees inheritance from grandparents IF they leave her anything. We can help her financially at the beginning but probably limited since we have to cover our retirement. She would eventually see a sizable inheritance but she might be in her 40’s or 50’s when we pass away…

I am somewhat in this situation. I figured out how to make my own money but I live a less expensive life than my parents and grandparents. My older son is a sophomore in college and he always tells me how grateful he is that we are paying for his college and not telling him what to major in. Just like my parents never told me what to major in or to marry rich. My husband's parents didn't interfere with his choice of a (not lucrative) humanities major either. He had to change career paths after college but eventually found his footing.

At some point, the greatest gift that wealth allows parents is to support their children having happy and healthy lives. I believe it can go very wrong to push kids into career paths and rat races that they have no organic interest in. You can explain the consequences of various occupational choices but I think it's ridiculous to force a kid to pick something high-earning when it sounds like there's zero risk of financial problems in her future. Large houses and expensive lifestyles aren't what make people happy. Look at all the research. What actually makes people happy is doing better than their comparison set. So you can reframe that for your daughter by making conscious choices now.

OP. Did your husband change into a more lucrative industry eventually? Was he happy with where he landed and was he happy with having to switch?

I had the same experience but wonder if majoring in a more employable field with a minor in humanities would have been an easier choice.

PP. My DH found a stable professional career (IT) after we left the DC area. In the DC area, underpaying young people with a master's degree is a blood sport. We moved so I could get a grad degree. I make more money but together we are very comfortable. In part this is due to living in flyover country. My family has always prioritized intellectual fulfillment over remaining rich. This strategy obviously wouldn't work too well for a Manhattanite or resident of DC and immediate environs. But works pretty well elsewhere.

My DH does not regret moving past his undergraduate major/grad school training. It has the nature of an irrevocable romantic falling out.

In my mind, the way to talk to kids about money is to let them work on things like shopping and tax paperwork. Have them start a 529 with their first job, etc.

Regarding money, I meant what I said about research showing that happiness is mostly related to whether you think you are doing well or better than your comparison group. And sometimes that might not be driven by monetary affluence. For example, if your marriage falls apart while your friends' marriages stay intact.

We are letting our children pick their majors and we are paying for college. The older is doing a liberal arts non-STEM degree and the younger wants to be an engineer. The younger one will probably have better luck in the job market. But liberal arts majors are used to this. My college newspaper was full of jokes about hamburger flipping. I don't want to live in a world where nobody majors in humanities and social sciences
other than Economics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

But it’s not like she will have $9M at graduation. It could be 20+ years before she sees inheritance from grandparents IF they leave her anything. We can help her financially at the beginning but probably limited since we have to cover our retirement. She would eventually see a sizable inheritance but she might be in her 40’s or 50’s when we pass away…

I am somewhat in this situation. I figured out how to make my own money but I live a less expensive life than my parents and grandparents. My older son is a sophomore in college and he always tells me how grateful he is that we are paying for his college and not telling him what to major in. Just like my parents never told me what to major in or to marry rich. My husband's parents didn't interfere with his choice of a (not lucrative) humanities major either. He had to change career paths after college but eventually found his footing.

At some point, the greatest gift that wealth allows parents is to support their children having happy and healthy lives. I believe it can go very wrong to push kids into career paths and rat races that they have no organic interest in. You can explain the consequences of various occupational choices but I think it's ridiculous to force a kid to pick something high-earning when it sounds like there's zero risk of financial problems in her future. Large houses and expensive lifestyles aren't what make people happy. Look at all the research. What actually makes people happy is doing better than their comparison set. So you can reframe that for your daughter by making conscious choices now.

OP. Did your husband change into a more lucrative industry eventually? Was he happy with where he landed and was he happy with having to switch?

I had the same experience but wonder if majoring in a more employable field with a minor in humanities would have been an easier choice.

PP. My DH found a stable professional career (IT) after we left the DC area. In the DC area, underpaying young people with a master's degree is a blood sport. We moved so I could get a grad degree. I make more money but together we are very comfortable. In part this is due to living in flyover country. My family has always prioritized intellectual fulfillment over remaining rich. This strategy obviously wouldn't work too well for a Manhattanite or resident of DC and immediate environs. But works pretty well elsewhere.

My DH does not regret moving past his undergraduate major/grad school training. It has the nature of an irrevocable romantic falling out.

In my mind, the way to talk to kids about money is to let them work on things like shopping and tax paperwork. Have them start a 529 with their first job, etc.

Regarding money, I meant what I said about research showing that happiness is mostly related to whether you think you are doing well or better than your comparison group. And sometimes that might not be driven by monetary affluence. For example, if your marriage falls apart while your friends' marriages stay intact.

We are letting our children pick their majors and we are paying for college. The older is doing a liberal arts non-STEM degree and the younger wants to be an engineer. The younger one will probably have better luck in the job market. But liberal arts majors are used to this. My college newspaper was full of jokes about hamburger flipping. I don't want to live in a world where nobody majors in humanities and social sciences
other than Economics.

Excellent thoughts. May I ask your relationship to nyc? Why on a subgroup related to parenting issues in metro nyc. Do your kids live here? Don’t mean to be snarky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

But it’s not like she will have $9M at graduation. It could be 20+ years before she sees inheritance from grandparents IF they leave her anything. We can help her financially at the beginning but probably limited since we have to cover our retirement. She would eventually see a sizable inheritance but she might be in her 40’s or 50’s when we pass away…

I would question the judgement of sending your dc to TT school and having them pick up their peer group habits. There is a chance your dc will resent you when everyone receives money around them.

It is hard to believe that you can have 9m in assets and not be able to provide more than "limited" help to your child in 6 or 7 years. There are lots of reasons to make sure your kids can take care of themselves financially without you. The family currently having 9 million in assets is not one of them.

OP. By “limited” financial help I mean like grad school (although grandparents likely will pay), first car, wedding, down payment etc, but not paying her living expenses.

[Anonymous]

OP. Thanks for all the perspectives and sharing your experience. Our parents believe family money shall be passed down not spent so that really limited my thinking. My cousin got his inheritance early and lives off that. Our parents and aunts often shook their heads when talking about him, making it clear to the rest of us they don’t approve of that kind of lifestyle.

Every year we will find a check in the Christmas card from parents, covering private school tuition. But they don’t ever talk about it and we are kinda embarrassed to accept money from them. Somehow I thought that’s how all families deal with money, an awkward topic to be avoided at all cost, but it sounds like our families are the exception not the norm lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

But it’s not like she will have $9M at graduation. It could be 20+ years before she sees inheritance from grandparents IF they leave her anything. We can help her financially at the beginning but probably limited since we have to cover our retirement. She would eventually see a sizable inheritance but she might be in her 40’s or 50’s when we pass away…

I am somewhat in this situation. I figured out how to make my own money but I live a less expensive life than my parents and grandparents. My older son is a sophomore in college and he always tells me how grateful he is that we are paying for his college and not telling him what to major in. Just like my parents never told me what to major in or to marry rich. My husband's parents didn't interfere with his choice of a (not lucrative) humanities major either. He had to change career paths after college but eventually found his footing.

At some point, the greatest gift that wealth allows parents is to support their children having happy and healthy lives. I believe it can go very wrong to push kids into career paths and rat races that they have no organic interest in. You can explain the consequences of various occupational choices but I think it's ridiculous to force a kid to pick something high-earning when it sounds like there's zero risk of financial problems in her future. Large houses and expensive lifestyles aren't what make people happy. Look at all the research. What actually makes people happy is doing better than their comparison set. So you can reframe that for your daughter by making conscious choices now.

OP. Did your husband change into a more lucrative industry eventually? Was he happy with where he landed and was he happy with having to switch?

I had the same experience but wonder if majoring in a more employable field with a minor in humanities would have been an easier choice.

PP. My DH found a stable professional career (IT) after we left the DC area. In the DC area, underpaying young people with a master's degree is a blood sport. We moved so I could get a grad degree. I make more money but together we are very comfortable. In part this is due to living in flyover country. My family has always prioritized intellectual fulfillment over remaining rich. This strategy obviously wouldn't work too well for a Manhattanite or resident of DC and immediate environs. But works pretty well elsewhere.

My DH does not regret moving past his undergraduate major/grad school training. It has the nature of an irrevocable romantic falling out.

In my mind, the way to talk to kids about money is to let them work on things like shopping and tax paperwork. Have them start a 529 with their first job, etc.

Regarding money, I meant what I said about research showing that happiness is mostly related to whether you think you are doing well or better than your comparison group. And sometimes that might not be driven by monetary affluence. For example, if your marriage falls apart while your friends' marriages stay intact.

We are letting our children pick their majors and we are paying for college. The older is doing a liberal arts non-STEM degree and the younger wants to be an engineer. The younger one will probably have better luck in the job market. But liberal arts majors are used to this. My college newspaper was full of jokes about hamburger flipping. I don't want to live in a world where nobody majors in humanities and social sciences
other than Economics.

Excellent thoughts. May I ask your relationship to nyc? Why on a subgroup related to parenting issues in metro nyc. Do your kids live here? Don’t mean to be snarky

Why comment on NYC...hmmm...

I guess because we cross paths? Lol.

I am an economic migrant. I've lived in 4 different states, touching the Pacific, Atlantic, and Great Lakes. I have a top MBA. Some of my friends spent a good chunk of their lives living and working in Manhattan. One of my besties turned the appreciation on a modest midtown 2 BR into a dream home elsewhere...and then the dream family fell apart. We vacation in NYC sometimes. When my kids were babies, I decided they could room together so I didn't have to buy a big SFH because relatively rich NYC people have their kids share rooms all the time. My son roomed with a Manhattan prep school kid at college last year. Things like this mean I'll enter a conversation as long as I think I have value to add.

What's funny about Manhattan is how rich and not rich you all can feel while owning an enormous amount of assets by all-American standards. I marvel at this. I was once recruited by Goldman Sachs and I remember the recruiting associate telling me about her high salary and being so surprised when I asked "But do you have a washer and dryer in your apartment"? Because it's not luxurious to me to work 14 hour days and live in a tiny apartment and not even be able to wash a blouse at 11 PM without leaving home. So that's why I chime in. I've studied this life from afar and vicariously lived it while visiting my friends. You might also contemplate what is like to live elsewhere...it is certainly less expensive and that can facilitate more financial freedom and even more luxury, depending on how you define that.

It would seem to me financially important to determine whether your child absolutely needs to live in NYC someday. I actually also have family ties to some of the more mocked parts of New York state (Syracuse, Buffalo, Rochester, Binghamton). And I know it's possible to have a nice life there...as long as you have a decent job. My cousins in Rochester have a giant lakeshore compound that Zillows for so little I was astonished. It was about 25% of what I guessed. I don't strive for showy possessions myself, but I am interested in the price of things and the choices people make with their lives. This subject fits right in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

You think with Republicans in power there will be any jobs in art history lol

OP is guide her to those as minors and possibly public policy major

Yes there will be jobs for people with art history backgrounds yes. Especially people with art history PhDs. There’s so much money in the art world. It doesn’t come from the government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With these kinds of assets she can live comfortably with whatever salary she earns after graduating from a top college. If I was in you position, I'd prioritize letting her pursue her interests and living a happy life.

But it’s not like she will have $9M at graduation. It could be 20+ years before she sees inheritance from grandparents IF they leave her anything. We can help her financially at the beginning but probably limited since we have to cover our retirement. She would eventually see a sizable inheritance but she might be in her 40’s or 50’s when we pass away…

I am somewhat in this situation. I figured out how to make my own money but I live a less expensive life than my parents and grandparents. My older son is a sophomore in college and he always tells me how grateful he is that we are paying for his college and not telling him what to major in. Just like my parents never told me what to major in or to marry rich. My husband's parents didn't interfere with his choice of a (not lucrative) humanities major either. He had to change career paths after college but eventually found his footing.

At some point, the greatest gift that wealth allows parents is to support their children having happy and healthy lives. I believe it can go very wrong to push kids into career paths and rat races that they have no organic interest in. You can explain the consequences of various occupational choices but I think it's ridiculous to force a kid to pick something high-earning when it sounds like there's zero risk of financial problems in her future. Large houses and expensive lifestyles aren't what make people happy. Look at all the research. What actually makes people happy is doing better than their comparison set. So you can reframe that for your daughter by making conscious choices now.

OP. Did your husband change into a more lucrative industry eventually? Was he happy with where he landed and was he happy with having to switch?

I had the same experience but wonder if majoring in a more employable field with a minor in humanities would have been an easier choice.

PP. My DH found a stable professional career (IT) after we left the DC area. In the DC area, underpaying young people with a master's degree is a blood sport. We moved so I could get a grad degree. I make more money but together we are very comfortable. In part this is due to living in flyover country. My family has always prioritized intellectual fulfillment over remaining rich. This strategy obviously wouldn't work too well for a Manhattanite or resident of DC and immediate environs. But works pretty well elsewhere.

My DH does not regret moving past his undergraduate major/grad school training. It has the nature of an irrevocable romantic falling out.

In my mind, the way to talk to kids about money is to let them work on things like shopping and tax paperwork. Have them start a 529 with their first job, etc.

Regarding money, I meant what I said about research showing that happiness is mostly related to whether you think you are doing well or better than your comparison group. And sometimes that might not be driven by monetary affluence. For example, if your marriage falls apart while your friends' marriages stay intact.

We are letting our children pick their majors and we are paying for college. The older is doing a liberal arts non-STEM degree and the younger wants to be an engineer. The younger one will probably have better luck in the job market. But liberal arts majors are used to this. My college newspaper was full of jokes about hamburger flipping. I don't want to live in a world where nobody majors in humanities and social sciences
other than Economics.

Excellent thoughts. May I ask your relationship to nyc? Why on a subgroup related to parenting issues in metro nyc. Do your kids live here? Don’t mean to be snarky

Why comment on NYC...hmmm...

I guess because we cross paths? Lol.

I am an economic migrant. I've lived in 4 different states, touching the Pacific, Atlantic, and Great Lakes. I have a top MBA. Some of my friends spent a good chunk of their lives living and working in Manhattan. One of my besties turned the appreciation on a modest midtown 2 BR into a dream home elsewhere...and then the dream family fell apart. We vacation in NYC sometimes. When my kids were babies, I decided they could room together so I didn't have to buy a big SFH because relatively rich NYC people have their kids share rooms all the time. My son roomed with a Manhattan prep school kid at college last year. Things like this mean I'll enter a conversation as long as I think I have value to add.

What's funny about Manhattan is how rich and not rich you all can feel while owning an enormous amount of assets by all-American standards. I marvel at this. I was once recruited by Goldman Sachs and I remember the recruiting associate telling me about her high salary and being so surprised when I asked "But do you have a washer and dryer in your apartment"? Because it's not luxurious to me to work 14 hour days and live in a tiny apartment and not even be able to wash a blouse at 11 PM without leaving home. So that's why I chime in. I've studied this life from afar and vicariously lived it while visiting my friends. You might also contemplate what is like to live elsewhere...it is certainly less expensive and that can facilitate more financial freedom and even more luxury, depending on how you define that.

It would seem to me financially important to determine whether your child absolutely needs to live in NYC someday. I actually also have family ties to some of the more mocked parts of New York state (Syracuse, Buffalo, Rochester, Binghamton). And I know it's possible to have a nice life there...as long as you have a decent job. My cousins in Rochester have a giant lakeshore compound that Zillows for so little I was astonished. It was about 25% of what I guessed. I don't strive for showy possessions myself, but I am interested in the price of things and the choices people make with their lives. This subject fits right in.

well, your posts and observations were excellent! wasn't meant to be an insult just a question.

your posts about rich/not rich manhattan, washer/dryer, all true.

we don't need to live in NYC anymore and to be honest will strongly consider leaving once the kids are in college. it's been a great 30 year run. but my job is flexible and DH doesn't work at GS/IB/ anymore. we probably "retire" at that point and do some consulting and invest the assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks for all the perspectives and sharing your experience. Our parents believe family money shall be passed down not spent so that really limited my thinking. My cousin got his inheritance early and lives off that. Our parents and aunts often shook their heads when talking about him, making it clear to the rest of us they don’t approve of that kind of lifestyle.

Every year we will find a check in the Christmas card from parents, covering private school tuition. But they don’t ever talk about it and we are kinda embarrassed to accept money from them. Somehow I thought that’s how all families deal with money, an awkward topic to be avoided at all cost, but it sounds like our families are the exception not the norm lol.

your family isn't really the exception. Lots of grandparents pay. Our do as we said and our net worth is in line with yours.

At first it was embarrassing but then it's just a way of them passing down money they would give us anyway. Plus we do help with their retirement assets and it's done pretty well over the years and they have more than enough to live very comfortably, although they live significantly below their means just like us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Finishing up 10th grade" means you need to forget about this for at least 2 and probably 3-4 years.

Not really. You can't have someone interested and invested in art history and ask them to switch to a bio major in college. And it is a myth that you can so easily change majors in college. Yes, during freshman year but beyond that it gets tricky to graduate in 4 years or do study abroad etc. each mjor has unique requirements and you have to fit all in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh c'mon OP. You're being ridiculous.

We have four kids, now well into adulthood, and about the same net worth as you. We paid for college, grad school, down payments for houses and weddings and nice family vacations. This landed our kids on third base. They're teachers, social workers, immigration workers, public health workers, etc. Three are married to partners in similar jobs. And they're all fine. Better than fine. And very happy.

Use what you have to make your kids happy. Not miserable in jobs they don't want. And with one kid you can easily afford it..

this is the way to do it. no debt, and you can fund lots of their lifestyle if you want. 4 kids, get each one a new car every 4 years - pay for family vacations - cover the random incidentals that wreck young households finances (leaking roof, medical bill, etc).

PP here. I mean, seriously, it's a no brainer. Another example of how we handle: one of our grandkids just got into a ridiculously expensive (7k for 2 weeks) summer program at a fancy college. Personally we think it's ridiculous--obviously just a money maker for the school--but what the hell, when we learned about it we told the parents we wanted to pay for it. They pushed back, hard, and we just said "just let us do it and throw what you were gonna spend into the college fund." They were very grateful and definitely did not see it coming.

Easy peasy, OP. This is the way to go.

perfect example, would not have the chance to go to that summer program. lots of little things you can help out with.

our parents (your age), bought their kids cars. paid the 150k private school tuition bill this year (indirectly) - even though we can afford it. makes life alot easier

Yes, have the discussion. Don;t force her into anything but she should make an informed decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Finishing up 10th grade" means you need to forget about this for at least 2 and probably 3-4 years.

This. You are also considered fairly rich OP, and these are the types of majors many wealthy students select. Anyhow, major choice is years down the road.