Daughter’s Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to let go of those strings. This is her life. She can choose to live however she wants. You can decide how much you want to contribute.

+1

If she's old enough to get married, then she is old enough to pay for her own party. A wedding reception is a party. The actual wedding ceremony costs next to nothing.

If you choose to give her some money toward the wedding, then go ahead and do so, provided that you can treat the other siblings the same way.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 23, while in grad school, and was similarly dependent on my parents, except that I had no student loans. My husband was earning money, and so after my marriage, they did not have to pay for anything. The wedding was mostly paid for by our two sets of parents, and my husband paid for some of it too.

And here we are, 22 years later. My oldest is 21. We would of course contribute to our children's wedding expenses.

I don't see what the problem is, OP.

[Anonymous]

You give your blessing and as much money as you can comfortably give and feel okay with, doesn't have to be what she wants.

If she is marrying a decent guy, there is no need to show your displeasure with timing. They'll build their life in due time. This trend of forcing young people to achieve all milestones in life before marriage isn't some guarantee of success in life, half of them end up waiting and in the end settling for someone in desperation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give your blessing and as much money as you can comfortably give and feel okay with, doesn't have to be what she wants.

If she is marrying a decent guy, there is no need to show your displeasure with timing. They'll build their life in due time. This trend of forcing young people to achieve all milestones in life before marriage isn't some guarantee of success in life, half of them end up waiting and in the end settling for someone in desperation.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think OP doesn't like the fiancé and that's what this is all about.

[Anonymous]

I don't plan to pay for my kids' weddings (we do give them money on certain occasions, and if they decide to spend it on an eventual wedding, that's their call), but if I did, I would say, "Here’s a check for $X. This is all we can afford for the foreseeable future, and your life expenses are your own once you're married, so please plan accordingly. Cedric seems like a great guy, and we hope you'll be very happy."

[Anonymous]

Troll post. Ugh

[Anonymous]

Two can live cheaper than one. They want to make plans. They want to make plans together. That's reasonable enough. Is it perfect? IDK, but it doesn't need to be perfect. I'd error on the side of giving what she has asked. You know it's the end, the end of your financial support. Again, The Ask doesn't need to be perfect. It's ok-enough

[Anonymous]

If you convince her to wait the wedding will only get more expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter just graduated from college two weeks ago and told us right away she will be getting married this summer. We’re still on the hook as far as covering her rent, utilities, car payment, car insurance, and other small expenses until August 1st. Tuition is done and we fully covered her college expenses except for the last semester (owes about 10k in college loans). She plans on eloping at the courthouse sometime within next month and wants to have the actual wedding next summer. She is interviewing, has one job offer, but waiting for another job offer to come through to start working in August/September. She did ask us for 10/12k towards her wedding already to be provided as soon as possible. We tried to talk to her about staying engaged for a year and getting married next summer. Reason being, she needs to be gainfully employed and cover her own wedding cost with us helping pay a fraction of 10k; covering some of the wedding expenses directly (paying the actual bill) instead of just giving lump sum. She does not plan on inviting us to the courthouse when she elopes, but of course everyone will be at the actual wedding next summer. We still have two other kids at home in middle school. What strategy would you use to talk some sense into her?

You opened the door to pay for some or all of it. I would have flat out said no. I'd tell her that she can pay for her wedding/party, especially if you aren't invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

But $10k isn't that much money. I'd give it to her as a wedding gift and wish her the best. I'd want to hold on to my relationship with my daughter through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

But $10k isn't that much money. I'd give it to her as a wedding gift and wish her the best. I'd want to hold on to my relationship with my daughter through this.

We don't know OP's financial circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anecdotal happy story. My SIL and her BF wanted to marry right out of college, she was starting her career and ge was applying to med schools, both set of parents were concerned but supportive so pooled for a small but happy wedding. They are happily married now a decade and a half later, she got a masters and he got an MD and a couple of kids came along. It wasn't all roses and butterflies but their support for each other and from parents, got them through exams and toddler tantrums.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why the daughter asked for the $10K?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


You're not invited to her wedding so don't give anything!


It's truly mind blowing how many shitty parents are on this board. I'm sure most of you will be shocked when your children go no contact one day.

It's truly mind-blowing how many shitty adult children are on this board. No way would I have ever looked at my parents and asked for $10K in "pre-wedding" costs associated with an elopement and then told them they weren't invited to the actual marriage ceremony, even if it is an elopement at a courthouse. Daughter is a spoiled child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why the daughter asked for the $10K?

Furnishing apartment, booking honeymoon, buying rings etc, so many needs.