Insane to keep NYC apt and rent in the burbs for reasons school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

I find it like being back in middle school. I moved from the city and the suburban moms can’t stand me. No idea what I did or didn’t do. Never experienced this before. They are very focused on town gossip, kids sports, etc and the world seems very small. I’d only move if you’re okay not making friends.

The only way to make friends is if your kid is a really good athlete, preferably in a team sport. Then they can immediately make friends through the team, the team is happy to have them as they will get better (unless your kid steals someone's spot) and all is well in the world (assuming you like the parents but it is better than nothing). Otherwise, good luck.

This is completely ridiculous and untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - dh works in seaport.

I am thinking that dh can stay in city 2 nights a week so commute less bad. I might do one night. Commute is really not optimal but bleeding $140k a year on tuition ($270k pre tax income) is keeping us trapped and ds is not on a path to t1 high school. This way I figure if we like it we can buy there and then that outlay goes into sellable asset rather than mid tier school with no clear roi

Oh, that's a terrible commute from Westchester. Look in NJ . . . Rumson or Atlantic Highlands, maybe. There are high speed ferries that go to the Battery terminal.

We love Fair Haven. Only downside of the area is that housing stock is really low. Not many rentals, so if you want to use the public school of RFH, it can be hard to get a house in the towns. Middletown and Atlantic Highlands is probably easier., but then you have a different school system. You can always do Little Silver or parts of Red Bank, and then send your kids to private or Catholic schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 x ds (10 and 12). Dh is 5 days a week in office, I am as needed in office. Am wanting to move the kids to a bronxville/ scarsdale/ rye etc public school - a. because I actually think better fit for my kids and b. because our private is so expensive and I think actually less good.

Am thinking of renting a place that's $6-$7k a month, moving the kids and keeping the NYC apartment and seeing how it goes. Is this a weird call? By my calculations, if we pay $135 in tuition for 2 kids, then $80k is a saving and then if we like it and the commute is ok, we can sell the nyc apt and buy in the burbs. Am afraid to fully rip off the bandaid from day 1 in case a. the kids are unhappy or b. the commute for us is untenable.

What am I missing here?

I live in Greenwich and it’s one of the more transient towns and there are many people who grew up here, who come back with a social network that they extend to their kids. It’s definitely more so the case in Bronxville, Rye, etc. There is a learning curve to parenting in one of these communities and it’s particularly steep if you are not from that community or embedded in the community through a big social network, clubs (golf, swim, beach), or religion (temple/church). Youth sports are really important, so if your kids are sporty find out when tryouts are for teams ASAP once you decide where you want to live.

Renting for $5-7K will be virtually impossible in any of these towns. Figure out which town you want to be in and then look at rentals because you could easily spend $135K renting a small house near the train for a year.

When it comes to ROI, remember Westchester has very high taxes. The best ROI is Greenwich with very low taxes, which you will never get back. If you actually think the way you portray yourself to you should think about that piece because high taxes will always suppress home prices and your eventual profit when you go to sell.

Moving to the suburbs at 10 and 12 is not the end of the world, but living in a space very different from peers and having your parents stay in the city for nights while treating the move like an experiment will probably be hard on your kids. And not being around to drive your kids to activities will exacerbate that. If you do end up renting for a year you may want to think about hiring an au pair to drive them to activities. It may sound crazy, but it will really extend what they can do after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

I find it like being back in middle school. I moved from the city and the suburban moms can’t stand me. No idea what I did or didn’t do. Never experienced this before. They are very focused on town gossip, kids sports, etc and the world seems very small. I’d only move if you’re okay not making friends.

The only way to make friends is if your kid is a really good athlete, preferably in a team sport. Then they can immediately make friends through the team, the team is happy to have them as they will get better (unless your kid steals someone's spot) and all is well in the world (assuming you like the parents but it is better than nothing). Otherwise, good luck.

Which is depressing in itself. If you live in the city you can have friends who have nothing to do with your kids or travel sports.

You can also have friends in the suburbs who have older/younger kids or no kids, but you have to make them by involving yourself in things (outside of church/temple or clubs there are book clubs, there is volunteering for youth sports, school, town democrats, etc). If you don’t have the time and energy to get involved in things you won’t make friends easily, but this is universally true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Larchmont and commute to Wall Street. I live walking distance from the train and it takes me 1:15 door to door, a little shorter on the way home. The Seaport is by the Fulton Street stop on the 4/5, on stop closer to GCT than where I get off. If you want to rent in a suburban town with good schools and a tenable commute to the Seaport, I would look at Pelham. Pelham is 28 minutes to GCT and super-walkable so it’s less of an adjustment coming from the city.

Metro North to GCT is not that bad and 4/5 is very easy, so any town where you can live within walking distance to the train will feel manageable.

I would flag with Pelham, and I think most Westchester towns, that when you live near the train (“in the village”) you will pay even higher taxes. Pelham also has very high taxes - like $70K on a house with a market value of $3M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

JFC you are an a******

Seriously. Get therapy. What kind of thing is this to say to someone.

Why. Perhaps they could have been kinder but calling a spade a spade. What happened that they are suddenly realizing all of this. And now potentially ruining the lives of their whole family but making a dumb decision for bad reasons.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Too many people surround themselves with yes men. Nice to have people who will tell you the truth. Again - they probably could have toned it down. But sometimes that is the only way to get through.

Don't think the boarding school suggestion is a bad one.

lol that you think we don’t know you are the same poster

[Anonymous]

Another option would be to go into NJ along a train line that goes into Hoboken. Then you can take the PATH straight to WTC. I know lots of people who live in places like Summit so that they can take NJ Transit into Hoboken since they work downtown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this but what about NYC public schools? There are some good schools and maybe even some that are better than your private. Then no tuition and no commute and paying for two places to live

Agreed. There are around 700 NYC HS I think. Something for everyone and, you can transfer in 10th grade to many of them if the fit isn’t right.

I just went through the process with my daughter and it’s a wild ride with many moving parts but I grew up in the suburbs and would not want that for my kids. Take that with a grain of salt, though, because I just didn’t like the suburbs in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another option would be to go into NJ along a train line that goes into Hoboken. Then you can take the PATH straight to WTC. I know lots of people who live in places like Summit so that they can take NJ Transit into Hoboken since they work downtown.

Not an awful idea but I grew up in NJ (back when all trains had to stop in Hoboken - no direct trains to Penn Station back then). It adds up. Especially to the Seaport. Train to Hoboken. Walk to PATH (very short walk but still greater than zero). Wait for PATH. PATH to WTC. Fairly long walk over to Seaport. Lots of people do it and it is not the end of the world. But for someone used to living in the city who has to be in 5 days a week and wants to be able to get home to see the kids, it adds up, especially depending on how far out in suburbia you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

JFC you are an a******

Seriously. Get therapy. What kind of thing is this to say to someone.

Why. Perhaps they could have been kinder but calling a spade a spade. What happened that they are suddenly realizing all of this. And now potentially ruining the lives of their whole family but making a dumb decision for bad reasons.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Too many people surround themselves with yes men. Nice to have people who will tell you the truth. Again - they probably could have toned it down. But sometimes that is the only way to get through.

Don't think the boarding school suggestion is a bad one.

lol that you think we don’t know you are the same poster

1. Nope.
2. Aren't you cool at 12 am examining the syntax of posts on a message board to incorrectly call someone out?

[Anonymous]

Also, teens driving is a blood sport in itself, even if no one is drinking. Taking public transit durning HS is so much safer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, teens driving is a blood sport in itself, even if no one is drinking. Taking public transit durning HS is so much safer.

Unless you’re on a train with a knife wielding lunatic or waiting for a train with a psycho who tries to push people onto the tracks.

There are pros and cons to city and suburbs. One option is not universally better.

Right now you’re in the information gathering phase, so go to these towns and walk around, talk to some realtors who specialize in relocation, do your best to model the financial aspects of a move (both renting and buying) so you can better understand if you will save money, and discuss the pros and cons with your spouse and kids.

The biggest drawback to your proposed year long experiment is that your kids will lose their places at their private schools during that year, so that will mean your kids will go back to public if you decide the suburbs aren’t for you. Would that be an acceptable option for? Going back to public for a year and seeing how things go over the first month or so and applying to private for the following year? That feels c

[Anonymous]

It is also now mid-May. Assuming her deposit is in for private school for next year and at this point they are not going to refund any of it. And can you get out of your current home, scout out which specific town you want to be in, and find a new home before September? Highly unlikely.

So now we are talking about next year. Kids are another year older. Just gets more difficult. If you are starting to think about this now for September 2027 then that would be decent timing but your kids aren't getting any younger - not like they are 2 and 4.

You're locked in for this fall. I would start making a real plan for HS in the city (or boarding school) for your older one. There are a lot of different options. It is a complicated process but manageable. Hopefully you will find something great that speaks to you. The ship has sailed on suburbia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another option would be to go into NJ along a train line that goes into Hoboken. Then you can take the PATH straight to WTC. I know lots of people who live in places like Summit so that they can take NJ Transit into Hoboken since they work downtown.

Not an awful idea but I grew up in NJ (back when all trains had to stop in Hoboken - no direct trains to Penn Station back then). It adds up. Especially to the Seaport. Train to Hoboken. Walk to PATH (very short walk but still greater than zero). Wait for PATH. PATH to WTC. Fairly long walk over to Seaport. Lots of people do it and it is not the end of the world. But for someone used to living in the city who has to be in 5 days a week and wants to be able to get home to see the kids, it adds up, especially depending on how far out in suburbia you want to be.

There's actually a ferry that runs directly from Hoboken Terminal to Wall Street on weekdays. The ferry is more expensive but it's very easy. The PATH and the NJ Transit station are all in Hoboken terminal so easy to switch from one to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another option would be to go into NJ along a train line that goes into Hoboken. Then you can take the PATH straight to WTC. I know lots of people who live in places like Summit so that they can take NJ Transit into Hoboken since they work downtown.

Not an awful idea but I grew up in NJ (back when all trains had to stop in Hoboken - no direct trains to Penn Station back then). It adds up. Especially to the Seaport. Train to Hoboken. Walk to PATH (very short walk but still greater than zero). Wait for PATH. PATH to WTC. Fairly long walk over to Seaport. Lots of people do it and it is not the end of the world. But for someone used to living in the city who has to be in 5 days a week and wants to be able to get home to see the kids, it adds up, especially depending on how far out in suburbia you want to be.

There's actually a ferry that runs directly from Hoboken Terminal to Wall Street on weekdays. The ferry is more expensive but it's very easy. The PATH and the NJ Transit station are all in Hoboken terminal so easy to switch from one to another.

That is helpful and makes it slightly easier but still a long commute to be doing five days a week from the burbs, especially if you want to be getting home for little league games, band concerts, science fairs, etc. and you are used to being a subway ride away.