Insane to keep NYC apt and rent in the burbs for reasons school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

JFC you are an a******

Seriously. Get therapy. What kind of thing is this to say to someone.

Why. Perhaps they could have been kinder but calling a spade a spade. What happened that they are suddenly realizing all of this. And now potentially ruining the lives of their whole family but making a dumb decision for bad reasons.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Too many people surround themselves with yes men. Nice to have people who will tell you the truth. Again - they probably could have toned it down. But sometimes that is the only way to get through.

Don't think the boarding school suggestion is a bad one.

lol that you think we don’t know you are the same poster

1. Nope.
2. Aren't you cool at 12 am examining the syntax of posts on a message board to incorrectly call someone out?

Idk if cool but certainly much more of a decent human than someone who gets off on trolling moms on an anonymous message board for thinking incorrectly about residential and school zoning decisions.

[Anonymous]

A lot of families we know are having this same quandary. With privates now skimming $70k the roi just isn’t there unless you have kids in a T1. $750k per kid to matriculate out of LREI to Ohio state is just bad math. The driving conversation is real but there are Ubers in the burbs now so doesn’t need to be a dealbreaker. Commute is real but possibly worth it to save nearly $1m on 2 kids that you can invest, double and use to give them each a down payment on a house.

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not? Look at Rye or Scarsdale. Curious what you can get for $7k a month though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not? Look at Rye or Scarsdale. Curious what you can get for $7k a month though.

Why does every single poster here reference Rye, Scarsdale and Bronxville. And Jane Street. And all of the other cliches. OMG. I'm guessing most of these people grew up in Bethesda and now live on the UES and know nothing about the suburbs. These are very nice towns but there is a great big world beyond them of other towns that also have very good schools but aren't a bit more chill (yes, there are plenty of chill people in these places too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not? Look at Rye or Scarsdale. Curious what you can get for $7k a month though.

This is a key problem - the rentals available in that range are not large and your kid will be immediately marked as one of the poor apartment kids and lose out on the social benefits of having a house to invite people over to. (and yes it definitely matters in these places, apartment people = families scraping together money to buy into the school system)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not? Look at Rye or Scarsdale. Curious what you can get for $7k a month though.

This is a key problem - the rentals available in that range are not large and your kid will be immediately marked as one of the poor apartment kids and lose out on the social benefits of having a house to invite people over to. (and yes it definitely matters in these places, apartment people = families scraping together money to buy into the school system)

Op - i assume if people care deeply about this I would explain that we have a home in the city that we have not yet sold and therefore are renting and will buy once we sell it.

But honestly, if people think like this i have no interest in socializing with them anyway and neither will my kids. And I actually dont believe everyone in the burbs is this shallow and dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, why not? Look at Rye or Scarsdale. Curious what you can get for $7k a month though.

This is a key problem - the rentals available in that range are not large and your kid will be immediately marked as one of the poor apartment kids and lose out on the social benefits of having a house to invite people over to. (and yes it definitely matters in these places, apartment people = families scraping together money to buy into the school system)

I am the one who keeps getting annoyed that all people are talking about are Rye, Scarsdale and Bronxville. That being said, I know families that lived in apartments in Scarsdale and Bronxville and raised kids there who had plenty of friends, played sports, did well academically, etc. One was comfortably upper middle class but the other was just middle class and they were fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 x ds (10 and 12). Dh is 5 days a week in office, I am as needed in office. Am wanting to move the kids to a bronxville/ scarsdale/ rye etc public school - a. because I actually think better fit for my kids and b. because our private is so expensive and I think actually less good.

Am thinking of renting a place that's $6-$7k a month, moving the kids and keeping the NYC apartment and seeing how it goes. Is this a weird call? By my calculations, if we pay $135 in tuition for 2 kids, then $80k is a saving and then if we like it and the commute is ok, we can sell the nyc apt and buy in the burbs. Am afraid to fully rip off the bandaid from day 1 in case a. the kids are unhappy or b. the commute for us is untenable.

What am I missing here?

I live in Greenwich and it’s one of the more transient towns and there are many people who grew up here, who come back with a social network that they extend to their kids. It’s definitely more so the case in Bronxville, Rye, etc. There is a learning curve to parenting in one of these communities and it’s particularly steep if you are not from that community or embedded in the community through a big social network, clubs (golf, swim, beach), or religion (temple/church). Youth sports are really important, so if your kids are sporty find out when tryouts are for teams ASAP once you decide where you want to live.

Renting for $5-7K will be virtually impossible in any of these towns. Figure out which town you want to be in and then look at rentals because you could easily spend $135K renting a small house near the train for a year.

When it comes to ROI, remember Westchester has very high taxes. The best ROI is Greenwich with very low taxes, which you will never get back. If you actually think the way you portray yourself to you should think about that piece because high taxes will always suppress home prices and your eventual profit when you go to sell.

Moving to the suburbs at 10 and 12 is not the end of the world, but living in a space very different from peers and having your parents stay in the city for nights while treating the move like an experiment will probably be hard on your kids. And not being around to drive your kids to activities will exacerbate that. If you do end up renting for a year you may want to think about hiring an au pair to drive them to activities. It may sound crazy, but it will really extend what they can do after school.

+1, they’ll need an after school caregiver who drives.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who suggested Pelham. Here's some examples of luxury rental buildings there in a super-walkable locations: https://colonialpelham.com/residences/

https://www.139fifthavepelham.com/

[Anonymous]

I think your DH is going to be miserable and end up staying in the city most nights. Are you okay with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your DH is going to be miserable and end up staying in the city most nights. Are you okay with that?

this has been the tradeoff off the suburbs since the dawn of time. dont most people who live in the burbs have one parent commuting?

[Anonymous]

I think you kind of need to go all in if you move the burbs. Warning you that there are two options and neither is ideal. Pick your poison

Burbs:
Long commute
Cliquey and life revolved around kids
Home repairs
Car dependent
More space
No school tuition

City:
No space
Expensive school tuition
Kids grow up fast
Short commutes

The financially responsible choice is a 30 year fixed mortgage in the burbs and no school tuition. Private school is terrible financially unless you have inter generational money to fund it or you have more money than you know what to do with. The fact you’d consider just renting in the burbs tells me you’re not in either of these categories.

You’re likely to move to the burbs and dislike the people and then overtime forget you’re saving $140k a year by living there.

[Anonymous]

As one who grew up in the burbs with a parent who commuted before remote work was trendy, I can say that it only works if one parent is also working in the burbs and/or can work from home most of the time (or isn't working at all). If both parents work in the city and need to be there most of the time, you can have the best nanny/au pere/whatever else set up, it just doesn't work. Particularly not if you want to be an involved, present parent.

Contrary to popular opinion, it isn't that hard or expensive to get decent apartment in a good public school zone. It might be a bit cramped and definitely isn't like a suburban house, but it is not four people in 600 square feet. Or you can game the system in various ways to get your kid into a good public elementary - again, not that hard.

This makes the math a lot different. Yes, things get very slightly more challenging for middle school and can be a lot more challenging for HS, but if you had free for K-8, the math works a lot differently.

But to a large extent this is a lifestyle choice. People should be very well informed about the differences, which some of the posts here are helpful in explaining (some are not). But you can't tell other people what to do.