Insane to keep NYC apt and rent in the burbs for reasons school?

[Anonymous]

Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

[Anonymous]

Seaport from westchester sounds horrible. Don’t do that to yourselves. And if you do, definitely keep the apartment because there’s a good chance you’re moving back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seaport from westchester sounds horrible. Don’t do that to yourselves. And if you do, definitely keep the apartment because there’s a good chance you’re moving back.

Agreed. This sounds like an awful idea. Your husband is going to be cursing you when he is trudging through Grand Central to a subway in the middle of winter after his MetroNorth train was delayed for the third time in a week. And your kid will be cursing you when he wants to go to a friend's house and there is no one to get him there so he has no friends and misses all his city friends and the conveniences of Manhattan.

[Anonymous]

As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

[Anonymous]

Did you grow up in the city, suburbs, or elsewhere? How about your husband? It is a very different lifestyle. If you have lived your whole life in the city, it is a big change. There are pluses and minuses.

Most city people hate the idea of the burbs but some romanticize it until they are driving everywhere, dealing with a leaky roof, shoveling the sidewalk, and not being able to just walk out the door and get any food they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - dh works in seaport.

I am thinking that dh can stay in city 2 nights a week so commute less bad. I might do one night. Commute is really not optimal but bleeding $140k a year on tuition ($270k pre tax income) is keeping us trapped and ds is not on a path to t1 high school. This way I figure if we like it we can buy there and then that outlay goes into sellable asset rather than mid tier school with no clear roi

Oh, that's a terrible commute from Westchester. Look in NJ . . . Rumson or Atlantic Highlands, maybe. There are high speed ferries that go to the Battery terminal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seaport from westchester sounds horrible. Don’t do that to yourselves. And if you do, definitely keep the apartment because there’s a good chance you’re moving back.

+1 If he’s that far downtown look into the communities in Jersey with the ferry to Wall Street. Rumson, Fairhaven etc.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say this but what about NYC public schools? There are some good schools and maybe even some that are better than your private. Then no tuition and no commute and paying for two places to live

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

I find it like being back in middle school. I moved from the city and the suburban moms can’t stand me. No idea what I did or didn’t do. Never experienced this before. They are very focused on town gossip, kids sports, etc and the world seems very small. I’d only move if you’re okay not making friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say this but what about NYC public schools? There are some good schools and maybe even some that are better than your private. Then no tuition and no commute and paying for two places to live

I would tend to agree but this would be easier if her kids were younger. The HS process in the city is tricky. If they were in elementary this would be a no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

I find it like being back in middle school. I moved from the city and the suburban moms can’t stand me. No idea what I did or didn’t do. Never experienced this before. They are very focused on town gossip, kids sports, etc and the world seems very small. I’d only move if you’re okay not making friends.

The only way to make friends is if your kid is a really good athlete, preferably in a team sport. Then they can immediately make friends through the team, the team is happy to have them as they will get better (unless your kid steals someone's spot) and all is well in the world (assuming you like the parents but it is better than nothing). Otherwise, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As somebody who made this move the other direction: I’d echo everyone’s concerns but also add that suburbs are *very* cliquish; a huge percent of kids / families are lifers, there isn’t any equivalent to an entry year at a private school where you have a big influx of new people. So particularly for the one-year experiment you’re contemplating, it’s going to be very difficult to break in socially in a meaningful way, and your experience there is going to be much worse for that absence.

I find it like being back in middle school. I moved from the city and the suburban moms can’t stand me. No idea what I did or didn’t do. Never experienced this before. They are very focused on town gossip, kids sports, etc and the world seems very small. I’d only move if you’re okay not making friends.

The only way to make friends is if your kid is a really good athlete, preferably in a team sport. Then they can immediately make friends through the team, the team is happy to have them as they will get better (unless your kid steals someone's spot) and all is well in the world (assuming you like the parents but it is better than nothing). Otherwise, good luck.

Which is depressing in itself. If you live in the city you can have friends who have nothing to do with your kids or travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

JFC you are an a******

Seriously. Get therapy. What kind of thing is this to say to someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suburbia is very different from living in the city. It will be a huge adjustment. Very different pace, lifestyle, etc. Be 100% sure your kids are on board.

12 is when your kid starts hitting the sweet spot. They can start going places on their own. In suburbia that is the age where you as the parent will be constantly driving them to a friend's place, to sports, etc. Except they won't have friends. It is not easy to be the new kid.

Is their current school really that bad? You really should have thought about this after elementary school at the latest. Dropped the ball. Don't double down and make it worse.

How about boarding school?

JFC you are an a******

Seriously. Get therapy. What kind of thing is this to say to someone.

Why. Perhaps they could have been kinder but calling a spade a spade. What happened that they are suddenly realizing all of this. And now potentially ruining the lives of their whole family but making a dumb decision for bad reasons.

Sometimes the truth hurts. Too many people surround themselves with yes men. Nice to have people who will tell you the truth. Again - they probably could have toned it down. But sometimes that is the only way to get through.

Don't think the boarding school suggestion is a bad one.

[Anonymous]

I live in Larchmont and commute to Wall Street. I live walking distance from the train and it takes me 1:15 door to door, a little shorter on the way home. The Seaport is by the Fulton Street stop on the 4/5, on stop closer to GCT than where I get off. If you want to rent in a suburban town with good schools and a tenable commute to the Seaport, I would look at Pelham. Pelham is 28 minutes to GCT and super-walkable so it’s less of an adjustment coming from the city.