I’ve been a bad mom for 12 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I may be in the minority here, but I would watch closely and if it seems necessary, do family therapy. Our family went through something similar when I was very young (six turning seven). We were moving and my dad moved before the rest of us, so my mom was alone with three kids for half a year. My mom was awful for about six months - yelled all the time, slammed doors, was downright mean, occasional slap, etc. Even though it ended after we moved, it set the stage for my relationship with her for the rest of my life, and I’ve never felt close to her. I also remember all of it. It seemed to have no impact on my siblings, though most of her ire was directed at me (the youngest). So, just watch your kids, and don’t hesitate to go to therapy with them if needed. If you have acknowledged what you did and apologized, that will be a big help.

Yes, I would say holding on to this has more to do with YOU and your personality. My dad died when I was a kid and my mom had mom rage, never once went to my sports events, barely knew what I was doing for years. I still see all that she did for me under impossible pressure, just by carrying on with life and keeping her job.

Wow, aggressive much? PP was just sharing their experience. Sounds like you have a well of anger in you…wonder where that comes from? Get thee to therapy, especially if you have children.

Sorry but poor me culture rubs me the wrong way. I think you have a warped idea of what mothering historically has been. Kids died, moms died, they gave their kids to orphanages (all within the last century btw. Before that it was worse.) you think people didn’t yell? And that if they did they weren’t good moms? It’s ok to mess up sometimes and to forgive yourself without therapy.

You’re just proving my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year was very difficult. We moved out of state and I handled the stress and setbacks horribly. A lot of mom rage directed at my 3 sons - 13, 11 and 9. Our rental was a dump, they hated their new schools, I took my guilt out on them instead of just being patient with the adjustment. Well, we survived, moved into a beautiful home and I feel like garbage reflecting on what a moody, abusive JERK I was. Short tempered, vicious, tearful. It wasn’t all bad but a highlight reel of my “greatest hits” keeps looping. I apologized and said, I’m so sorry for the last year. You are all amazing. And I’m making an effort to not be so reactive. Can anyone share how they’ve repaired after a bad patch? Before our move I was a typical mom with grouchy times (overall loving) but this year was harsh.

💩 💩 💩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Things I said, “I’m sick of your shit” “You don’t give a shit? Fine! F&&& it!” (With regards to me perceiving my oldest as being lazy and triggering mom rage) slamming doors. “I’m turning myself inside out for you”

How they looked - 13 yo deer in headlights. Teases me later. 11 yo crying. 9 year old crying. One day I felt like a kamikaze pilot just going all in on being terrible.

Tonight I made them ice cream. I gave them all hugs. This house will be a new beginning.

You actually speak to your children like this. Lady, this is verbal abuse and it won't be long before you hit them if haven't already done so. Your DH needs to take over the discipline of the children. If my DH had ever spoken to our children in this way and used the f bomb, I would have told him to leave. Inexcusable.

Get over yourself. She did the best she could. I’m sure she was good to them in between but she is remembering only the bad.

What does this even mean and why do we assume she did the best she could when she never said that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Things I said, “I’m sick of your shit” “You don’t give a shit? Fine! F&&& it!” (With regards to me perceiving my oldest as being lazy and triggering mom rage) slamming doors. “I’m turning myself inside out for you”

How they looked - 13 yo deer in headlights. Teases me later. 11 yo crying. 9 year old crying. One day I felt like a kamikaze pilot just going all in on being terrible.

Tonight I made them ice cream. I gave them all hugs. This house will be a new beginning.

You actually speak to your children like this. Lady, this is verbal abuse and it won't be long before you hit them if haven't already done so. Your DH needs to take over the discipline of the children. If my DH had ever spoken to our children in this way and used the f bomb, I would have told him to leave. Inexcusable.

Get over yourself. She did the best she could. I’m sure she was good to them in between but she is remembering only the bad.

Going through difficult times is no excuse to do this. It may be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse. You sound like a mother who has done similar and then blames her own children for not having a good relationship with them.

My mom was like this and I have no memories of some random crap she yelled when she was having a bad day when I was 11. It's not that deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Things I said, “I’m sick of your shit” “You don’t give a shit? Fine! F&&& it!” (With regards to me perceiving my oldest as being lazy and triggering mom rage) slamming doors. “I’m turning myself inside out for you”

How they looked - 13 yo deer in headlights. Teases me later. 11 yo crying. 9 year old crying. One day I felt like a kamikaze pilot just going all in on being terrible.

Tonight I made them ice cream. I gave them all hugs. This house will be a new beginning.

You actually speak to your children like this. Lady, this is verbal abuse and it won't be long before you hit them if haven't already done so. Your DH needs to take over the discipline of the children. If my DH had ever spoken to our children in this way and used the f bomb, I would have told him to leave. Inexcusable.

Get over yourself. She did the best she could. I’m sure she was good to them in between but she is remembering only the bad.

What does this even mean and why do we assume she did the best she could when she never said that?

Stfu boo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would address it, acknowledge you were wrong, reiterate your love, and move on. Give yourself grace. I wouldn’t seek out therapy for the kids unless there are clear ongoing effects of the incidents. But if you feel it would be helpful for you (without the kids), go for it.

This. Little kids are resilient. So long as your behavior has truly changed, they'll just remember this as "Mom had a really hard time adjusting when we first moved, but then she got better."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would address it, acknowledge you were wrong, reiterate your love, and move on. Give yourself grace. I wouldn’t seek out therapy for the kids unless there are clear ongoing effects of the incidents. But if you feel it would be helpful for you (without the kids), go for it.

This. Little kids are resilient. So long as your behavior has truly changed, they'll just remember this as "Mom had a really hard time adjusting when we first moved, but then she got better."

The key is change and a sincere apology that fully acknowledges without minimizing how mom’s behavior wasn’t okay. Both of these things are really hard but totally worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Things I said, “I’m sick of your shit” “You don’t give a shit? Fine! F&&& it!” (With regards to me perceiving my oldest as being lazy and triggering mom rage) slamming doors. “I’m turning myself inside out for you”

How they looked - 13 yo deer in headlights. Teases me later. 11 yo crying. 9 year old crying. One day I felt like a kamikaze pilot just going all in on being terrible.

Tonight I made them ice cream. I gave them all hugs. This house will be a new beginning.

You actually speak to your children like this. Lady, this is verbal abuse and it won't be long before you hit them if haven't already done so. Your DH needs to take over the discipline of the children. If my DH had ever spoken to our children in this way and used the f bomb, I would have told him to leave. Inexcusable.

Get over yourself. She did the best she could. I’m sure she was good to them in between but she is remembering only the bad.

What does this even mean and why do we assume she did the best she could when she never said that?

Stfu boo

So now we just chronically assume that all parents are doing their best? OP here likely feels guilty because she knows she could have done better. That’s okay! It’s an important acknowledgement!

“I did my best” needs be reserved for situations where that’s actually true.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? Because, for me (mid-40s), this kind of losing my s with my kid was peri...and solved by a daily dose of estradiol gel.

[Anonymous]

Seek therapy you vicious B

[Anonymous]

Get over it.
Everyone survived