Struggling to balance old friendships with people who have different lifestyles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg there are some angry nut jobs on this forum

Yes. Disturbing. I imagine them all as the same people who commit road rage. Or the people you don't want in your HOA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of like OP's friend. Not close to my family, married, one kid. I have friends who have way more on their plate -- lots of extended family obligations, multiple kids, busy jobs or spouse with very busy job, etc.

I have never sat around thinking these friends somehow are not showing up enough for me. Sometimes I'll invite them to something or reach out about getting together and they will decline because of other obligations, and while of course I'm disappointed we won't be getting together, I move on. I have other friends.

I think what OP might not realize is that people who have lives like this often like them this way. I think sometimes people like OP assume everyone looks at them and wishes their life was like that. I do not. I could have had more kids, I used to have a much more demanding job. But my spouse and I share a preference for a simpler life with fewer obligations. We love the flexibility of our life. Right now we are all lounging around our house reading or relaxing. This afternoon I will meet with our landscaper and do a little bit of work, my spouse and kid will go to the library. We are going out to eat tonight because we don't like cooking on Saturday. We have reached out to two different families about joining us for dinner tonight, one like OP and one more like us. They may both come, only one may come, or maybe neither can make it and we will go alone. We are happy with all those options. I will not be upset or offended if either family declines. We will see them again in the future.

I'm very busy and I never assume anyone envies me. Of course it's more pleasant having more free time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of like OP's friend. Not close to my family, married, one kid. I have friends who have way more on their plate -- lots of extended family obligations, multiple kids, busy jobs or spouse with very busy job, etc.

I have never sat around thinking these friends somehow are not showing up enough for me. Sometimes I'll invite them to something or reach out about getting together and they will decline because of other obligations, and while of course I'm disappointed we won't be getting together, I move on. I have other friends.

I think what OP might not realize is that people who have lives like this often like them this way. I think sometimes people like OP assume everyone looks at them and wishes their life was like that. I do not. I could have had more kids, I used to have a much more demanding job. But my spouse and I share a preference for a simpler life with fewer obligations. We love the flexibility of our life. Right now we are all lounging around our house reading or relaxing. This afternoon I will meet with our landscaper and do a little bit of work, my spouse and kid will go to the library. We are going out to eat tonight because we don't like cooking on Saturday. We have reached out to two different families about joining us for dinner tonight, one like OP and one more like us. They may both come, only one may come, or maybe neither can make it and we will go alone. We are happy with all those options. I will not be upset or offended if either family declines. We will see them again in the future.

I'm very busy and I never assume anyone envies me. Of course it's more pleasant having more free time!

This. Where did op say she thought friend was jealous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Completely different lifestyle....very difficult for this to truly work out. Time flies so if you're going to hangout w her then you're giving up something else. House, kids, spouse, gym, hobbies. Working FT sucks up all your energy and time already so not much else left

Yeah, I can tell you don’t work FT and have young kids. Hobbies? gym? House?

Right…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of like OP's friend. Not close to my family, married, one kid. I have friends who have way more on their plate -- lots of extended family obligations, multiple kids, busy jobs or spouse with very busy job, etc.

I have never sat around thinking these friends somehow are not showing up enough for me. Sometimes I'll invite them to something or reach out about getting together and they will decline because of other obligations, and while of course I'm disappointed we won't be getting together, I move on. I have other friends.

I think what OP might not realize is that people who have lives like this often like them this way. I think sometimes people like OP assume everyone looks at them and wishes their life was like that. I do not. I could have had more kids, I used to have a much more demanding job. But my spouse and I share a preference for a simpler life with fewer obligations. We love the flexibility of our life. Right now we are all lounging around our house reading or relaxing. This afternoon I will meet with our landscaper and do a little bit of work, my spouse and kid will go to the library. We are going out to eat tonight because we don't like cooking on Saturday. We have reached out to two different families about joining us for dinner tonight, one like OP and one more like us. They may both come, only one may come, or maybe neither can make it and we will go alone. We are happy with all those options. I will not be upset or offended if either family declines. We will see them again in the future.

I'm very busy and I never assume anyone envies me. Of course it's more pleasant having more free time!

This. Where did op say she thought friend was jealous?

She didn't say that the friend was jealous but what she wants is unreasonable. OP doesn't have time to spend with the friend but wants the friend to stay her friend anyway. Even though they never see each other because OP has many other priorities. It just not reasonable. The answer to "I don't want to lose this friendship" is "prioritize the friendship."