Do your parents treat your mixed race kids different than their non-mixed race cousins?

[Anonymous]

No, I have fantastic parents/grandparents. They treat all the grandkids the same. And they have 8 grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws treat all the grandkids the same in private. At parties with their friends (all the same race as them), they are much more negative and dismissive when talking about the mixed race grandkids. And they don't even try to hide it. I hate it but it's culturally ingrained and I'm not going to be able to change people who are in their mid 70s.

Wow, I feel sorry for your kids. All of the grandkids on both my side of the family and my husbands are biracial. And all grandparents have strong love/bonds with each kid.

My late (white) grandmother was in her late 80s when she passed and could not of had more love for her half black/half white great-grandkids. I don’t use old age as an excuse for racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws treat all the grandkids the same in private. At parties with their friends (all the same race as them), they are much more negative and dismissive when talking about the mixed race grandkids. And they don't even try to hide it. I hate it but it's culturally ingrained and I'm not going to be able to change people who are in their mid 70s.

Why doesn’t your husband call them out on this behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents treat all the grandkids pretty equally or do they treat their mixed race grandkids differently from the ones who aren’t mixed?

Yes but not in the way you mean -- my mom's only white grandkids are my brother's stepchildren and I think my mom tries to be a good grandma to them but doesn't really engage in the same way. Like she's flying to another state for my (mixed-race) nephew's high school graduation this year, she didn't do that for my white nephew last year or the other white nephew 3 years ago.

If your parents are being racist toward your kids you have to talk to them about it and if they don't/can't change, protect your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I have fantastic parents/grandparents. They treat all the grandkids the same. And they have 8 grandkids.

Amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

Good for you, pp. My ILs would have been taken aback to be accused of favoritism since they always said they treated all their children and grandchildren equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family treats our children a bit different.

Jokes about hair texture, passing not passing for another race, how hair should be styled.

It’s exhausting.

+1. My in-laws made comments about my "olive" skin color and then about "how fair" our children turned out.

Spoiler.. My family is Black.
We have a child that looks bi racial and another who does not

I checked my parent who favored our lighter skin child.

Absolutely not playing those games.

Good for you, pp. My ILs would have been taken aback to be accused of favoritism since they always said they treated all their children and grandchildren equally.

Its a super common thing in black & brown families.. Colorism.

I noticed it immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents treat all the grandkids pretty equally or do they treat their mixed race grandkids differently from the ones who aren’t mixed?

My parents favor the children of their golden child. Nothing about race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only have white people in our family, but my parents wouldn't care. Not sure about in laws, but my MIL has very publicly stated being gay is an abomination so I know how she stands on that topic.

My MIL said that too until her son came out as gay. Then she realized her job was to raise the kids god gave her. She’s very close with his husband.

[Anonymous]

Op is devastated by the responses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents treat all the grandkids pretty equally or do they treat their mixed race grandkids differently from the ones who aren’t mixed?

Yes but not in the way you mean -- my mom's only white grandkids are my brother's stepchildren and I think my mom tries to be a good grandma to them but doesn't really engage in the same way. Like she's flying to another state for my (mixed-race) nephew's high school graduation this year, she didn't do that for my white nephew last year or the other white nephew 3 years ago.

If your parents are being racist toward your kids you have to talk to them about it and if they don't/can't change, protect your children.

Step-grandchildren is a different situation.

[Anonymous]

I (white, Jewish) have two siblings. One of us married someone of the same background, one married an East Asian, and one married a South Asian. Our mom was closer to the two sets of mixed grandkids, mainly because they lived closer to her and she spent more time with them.

The only kid-in-law she liked was the South Asian one; that’s also the only one still in the family, as the other two couples divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because they're a mixed-race couple themselves

Actually, research shows that parents bond less well with kids who look differently. Sad, but probably applies to grandparents too. It’s biological.

Does not apply to my parents. They babysat more for the mixed grandkids. I'd say they bonded the same.

The older kids in each family are better behaved and more biddable. So they get more positive comments. That was true for me too, I was a best-behaved oldest grandchild.

[Anonymous]

My ILs treat the grandchildren that look their preferred way better than the others. It’s very obvious.

Interestingly, MIL has a preference for a certain eye color (mine over BIL’s wife/SIL’s) and treated (before we went nc) my LO better than hers from BIL’s wife.