Single moms - how do you handle activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not make the 10 year old do it. Find her another activity nearby or a park or a library where you and she can go if it's too far to drive home during the practice. Go grocery shopping and let her help you plan meals for the week.

This.

I’m sorry, but I also use this time to go grocery shopping or to run errands. She has a choice: socialize at the sport she’s not super into twice a week, or accompany me on my errands. Give her time to think, and the. That’s the end of it.

[Anonymous]

Competitive cheer is a HUGE time and money suck, along with competitive dance. It’s not reasonable for most families, even those with 2 parents. I would encourage older DD to find another activity (and wouldn’t have signed up for cheer to begin with.)

[Anonymous]

Single mom here. I've certainly been in similar situations.

If it were me, I wouldn't make the younger do cheerleading, unless you think she needs an activity, she has none, she's just being very lazy, and you think it would be good for her. But that's aside from logistics.

If you made the decision that she will not be doing cheer, have the time her sister is there be quality time for the two of you. Sometimes studying in the closest library. Sometimes getting froyo. Sometimes walking in the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I've certainly been in similar situations.

If it were me, I wouldn't make the younger do cheerleading, unless you think she needs an activity, she has none, she's just being very lazy, and you think it would be good for her. But that's aside from logistics.

If you made the decision that she will not be doing cheer, have the time her sister is there be quality time for the two of you. Sometimes studying in the closest library. Sometimes getting froyo. Sometimes walking in the park.

+1 I'm a single parent with one child who is very engaged in extracurriculars and one that is more of a house mouse. When my "house mouse" was younger, they just had to come along to their older sibling's activities and: read; do homework; go on a walk with me; go to the playground nearby; run errands; whatever.

I actually have really fond memories of those times. It gave me quality time with my more introverted child, often while doing something else like taking a nature walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can leave a ten year old home alone for two hours.

Don’t make her do an activity just because the kid does.

Can you afford an Uber, even just in one direction? We started at 13 when there weren’t enough drivers to get it all done.

Are you a man? Do you know how dangerous this is for a girl to take an uber alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can leave a ten year old home alone for two hours.

Don’t make her do an activity just because the kid does.

Can you afford an Uber, even just in one direction? We started at 13 when there weren’t enough drivers to get it all done.

Are you a man? Do you know how dangerous this is for a girl to take an uber alone?

NP. 16yo ward used uber extensively, only had one busybody driver who was a problem (older woman who flipped out when she figured out teen was under 18). Most drivers are very aware that responsible riders share their ride, and they take their cues for conversation from the rider.

[Anonymous]

Family helps a lot. Otherwise, idk what to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family helps a lot. Otherwise, idk what to say.

How is this post helpful to the OP?

[Anonymous]

If you are committing to this activity for the 12 year old, keep the 10 year old at home. She can handle 2 hours alone at home. Or take her to the library nearby if you must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can leave a ten year old home alone for two hours.

Don’t make her do an activity just because the kid does.

Can you afford an Uber, even just in one direction? We started at 13 when there weren’t enough drivers to get it all done.

My 14-year-old boy has to Uber sometimes. We can afford it, but I feel guilty every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the leaving the 10 year old home alone. Sure I was left alone at 10, started babysitting at 12, but that was 20 years ago. I leave my 9 year old alone for 15 minutes while I walk across the street to Walmart for a couple items, but I wouldn't drive anywhere without her because I fear I'll get into a car accident and she will be alone while I'm off in some hospital or something.

2 hours a few times a year for a 10 year old sounds okay. 2 hours multiple times a week for a 10 year old who isn't a fan of being home alone? No.

I am a single mom and a few years ago I started only signing my kids up for things they can do at the same time, like swim lessons (separate levels same time). Yeah it kinda sucks, but they will be alright.

This is why the world is currently full of anxious teenagers and incompetent young adults though! Not giving kids age appropriate ways to practice independence really is not good for them - even if they would rather have their mom next to them 100% of the time (or especially when!). The world is not inherently more dangerous now than when we were kid. Give your child the number of a few friends, neighbors, or coworkers that she can call in the 1:1,000,000 chance that you get in an accident and can't figure out logistics from the hospital.

I've been a teacher for a long time and the increasing learned incompetence of kids really is an issue. Do your kid a favor and let them have some independence. Two hours twice a week is not that much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, I felt guilty keeping my 10yo home but seems like that's the right way to handle this. She doesn't love being alone but she would dislike watching practice more. I am just super sensitive about these things at the moment! Thank you!

NP
You got this OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you drop off your daughter for cheer instead of staying?

+1
Though I understand some don’t like to leave their child during practice.