What’s going on with MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cognitive decline at 58 is extremely unlikely. It’s hard to say based on the limited info in your post, OP, but you sound super controlling. Yes, the parents set the rules but you sound extreme. It’s important to give grandparents a little leeway. Refusing to follow allergy protocols? Not using car seats? Straight to grandparent jail. Your MIL is nowhere near that. If you are truly concerned have her son speak to her and see if he can sus out whether something is wrong.

I agree with you. It is important to give grandparents leeway, and I have and continue to do so. The main rule she ignores is the social media rule, which is probably the most important, and her ignoring that rule is something that I have to try to fix.

But my post was mainly about how I thought her behavior yesterday was abnormal, and different from how she usually acts, but I will keep an eye out.

Did your DH express concern about her health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it doesn’t feel like a decline but I do wonder if she was either a little drunk or on some medication that was making her act off. Everything you describe is either inattentive (forgetting the gift, forgetting to get ready until she arrived at your house), or impulsive (cutting the cake line, ignoring the social dynamic to take photos, ignoring your rules about toys and social media). I do agree that some of your rules seem pretty intense so I wonder if she took something to help her feel more relaxed around you and it hit harder than she realized.

I think this is the best explanation. Maybe see if she is ok?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t let her take pictures after that. If you don’t want your kid online, she needs to honor that or lose the privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cognitive decline at 58 is extremely unlikely. It’s hard to say based on the limited info in your post, OP, but you sound super controlling. Yes, the parents set the rules but you sound extreme. It’s important to give grandparents a little leeway. Refusing to follow allergy protocols? Not using car seats? Straight to grandparent jail. Your MIL is nowhere near that. If you are truly concerned have her son speak to her and see if he can sus out whether something is wrong.

I agree with you. It is important to give grandparents leeway, and I have and continue to do so. The main rule she ignores is the social media rule, which is probably the most important, and her ignoring that rule is something that I have to try to fix.

But my post was mainly about how I thought her behavior yesterday was abnormal, and different from how she usually acts, but I will keep an eye out.

I’ll support you 100% on social media ban, but let your husband deal with that.

You’re still being very weird about one day, and not considering how your controlling nature might have affected her. She sounds much more like she snapped rather than anything else.

[Anonymous]

AS PPs said, I think it's possible she took something to manage her anxiety, or that she's menopausal (ask her if she is sleeping well). Is she having hot flashes?

The only other thing is, maybe something you did or said set her off? Is it possible that you have also changed in some way, and she is reacting to the new you with confusion and overcompensating by trying too hard?

Like, maybe she knows you've been judging her for forgetting your parenting rules, and that makes her nervous, and so she's acting out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's just sick and tired of putting up with other people's crap and is doing what she wants to do.

Like OP and her insane "no toys" rule for a three year old. And OP with her judge-y fashion rules. And OP with her side eye about forgetting a gift bag. The social media one I think we all understand, but showing a pic of a three year old blowing out the candles on his cake (if OP allowed cake), does not automatically lead to him being kidnapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's just sick and tired of putting up with other people's crap and is doing what she wants to do.

Like OP and her insane "no toys" rule for a three year old. And OP with her judge-y fashion rules. And OP with her side eye about forgetting a gift bag. The social media one I think we all understand, but showing a pic of a three year old blowing out the candles on his cake (if OP allowed cake), does not automatically lead to him being kidnapped.

+1

[Anonymous]

58 is YOUNG. There is no cognitive decline at this age for the 99% of population. Maybe she started new medication? The only thing I find weird is why come to your place to shower and get ready, does she live out of town? Also, some older women start to dress up for attention, maybe she wanted to stand out on the birthday pictures?

[Anonymous]

OP sounds controlling as they come and wound tightly around the axle. Ma'am, it's OK that Grandma bought toys that you wouldn't buy. That's what grandmas are here for. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:58 is young to have cognitive decline and frankly really young to have an adult daughter with a three year old? Are you and your mother educated? Graduate degrees and professional jobs? Or are you Dairy Queen workers?

Wow, you're so rude. Is it a moral failing to be working class to you? Would OP's family and in-laws be inferior in your eyes if they were in that group of people?

You disgust me.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why people are piling on you, OP. I would not appreciate such behavior either!

I think you need to call to see how she is, and ask her how she thinks that day went. My friend's mother had early-onset Alzheimer's, so... these things can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are piling on you, OP. I would not appreciate such behavior either!

I think you need to call to see how she is, and ask her how she thinks that day went. My friend's mother had early-onset Alzheimer's, so... these things can happen.

That’s not what dementia onset looks like. This is not dementia. Probably controlling DIL. Maybe a tipple. Definitely not dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are piling on you, OP. I would not appreciate such behavior either!

I think you need to call to see how she is, and ask her how she thinks that day went. My friend's mother had early-onset Alzheimer's, so... these things can happen.

You think it's dementia if someone dresses up hot??? Dressed in a too tight dress -- dementia! Put on makeup -- dementia! Bought toys that DIL doesn't agree with -- dementia! Took too many photos -- dementia! Put those photos on Instagram -- definitely dementia! Just listen to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are piling on you, OP. I would not appreciate such behavior either!

I think you need to call to see how she is, and ask her how she thinks that day went. My friend's mother had early-onset Alzheimer's, so... these things can happen.

You think it's dementia if someone dresses up hot??? Dressed in a too tight dress -- dementia! Put on makeup -- dementia! Bought toys that DIL doesn't agree with -- dementia! Took too many photos -- dementia! Put those photos on Instagram -- definitely dementia! Just listen to yourself.

PP you replied to. Unusual impulsivity, forgetfulness and inattention are MOST DEFINITELY symptoms you see in early dementia. Other explanations are:
- she may still be feeling some fluctuations from menopause or HRT;
- she had an argument the night before or the morning of with her spouse or someone close to her, and it made her behave weirdly;
- she had alcohol on the way over;
- she had drugs or too much/new type of medication;
- she has a brain tumor. One of my BILs died of a brain tumor. Those can happen too.

I don't know why you're trying to make fun of me, but you're looking rather ignorant yourself. OP says most of these behaviors are not habitual for her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are piling on you, OP. I would not appreciate such behavior either!

I think you need to call to see how she is, and ask her how she thinks that day went. My friend's mother had early-onset Alzheimer's, so... these things can happen.

You think it's dementia if someone dresses up hot??? Dressed in a too tight dress -- dementia! Put on makeup -- dementia! Bought toys that DIL doesn't agree with -- dementia! Took too many photos -- dementia! Put those photos on Instagram -- definitely dementia! Just listen to yourself.

PP you replied to. Unusual impulsivity, forgetfulness and inattention are MOST DEFINITELY symptoms you see in early dementia. Other explanations are:
- she may still be feeling some fluctuations from menopause or HRT;
- she had an argument the night before or the morning of with her spouse or someone close to her, and it made her behave weirdly;
- she had alcohol on the way over;
- she had drugs or too much/new type of medication;
- she has a brain tumor. One of my BILs died of a brain tumor. Those can happen too.

I don't know why you're trying to make fun of me, but you're looking rather ignorant yourself. OP says most of these behaviors are not habitual for her MIL.

Because the prevalence of dementia for her age group is non-existent.

To copy from Google: Dementia is relatively rare at age 58, as most cases are diagnosed in individuals over 65. While dementia is uncommon in this age group, the overall prevalence of all-type dementia for individuals aged 50–59 is approximately 27 per 10,000 cases, or roughly 0.27%

The MIL had fun at the party, that's all.