What’s going on with MIL?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| 58 is young to have cognitive decline and frankly really young to have an adult daughter with a three year old? Are you and your mother educated? Graduate degrees and professional jobs? Or are you Dairy Queen workers? |
Anonymous
If she’s so wonderful you wouldn’t post here and ask her. |
Anonymous
|
My theory is that many people who are about 50+ (I am 50 myself fwiw so I’m not hating on anyone) develop some sort of cognitive decline that is not clinical, people attribute it to quirks and weirdness, but it’s also not normal aging.
This manifests in a million ways but if you suggest diagnosing them, everyone will look at you like you’re crazy. I think it might be happening to your MIL. she is becoming somewhat unhinged and inadequate if I may. |
Anonymous
No it’s actually normal. If she had her son around 28 (which is a much more reasonable age than 38), the son is now 30 and had his child at 27. A very normal family. And no, 58 is not early for cognitive decline or personality changes that aren’t necessarily clinically diagnosed but it’s clear that the person is “not quite normal”. |
Anonymous
| She's just sick and tired of putting up with other people's crap and is doing what she wants to do. |
Anonymous
I didn’t ask her because that might be considered rude, and I don’t know how she would react to that. I just posted here to get some ideas to figure out whether this is typical or not. |
Anonymous
I think Ruth Bader Ginsberg was already a grandmother by that age. She had her first child at 22 - before law school. |
Anonymous
What does her son think? |
Anonymous
Different era |
Anonymous
That's what I was going to ask. Because I don't know that we can tell you what's abnormal or not, because we don't know her baseline like you would. What's out of character for one grandma isn't necessarily for another. My mom is older than your MIL but we have also reached a point where I need to tell her something 5 times and she still may not absorb what I'm saying. I think you have to pick your battles- social media is one I'd put my foot down on, but I wouldn't dictate whether she can buy him toys or not, so long as they are safe/age-appropriate. But clearly there are too many "rules" you expect her to follow, and she can't. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think it is cognitive decline either. Is she on any medication? What does your husband think? |
Anonymous
| I agree it doesn’t feel like a decline but I do wonder if she was either a little drunk or on some medication that was making her act off. Everything you describe is either inattentive (forgetting the gift, forgetting to get ready until she arrived at your house), or impulsive (cutting the cake line, ignoring the social dynamic to take photos, ignoring your rules about toys and social media). I do agree that some of your rules seem pretty intense so I wonder if she took something to help her feel more relaxed around you and it hit harder than she realized. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like anxiety, but if it’s more, time will tell - then ask DH to gently ask her about what’s going on. |
Anonymous
| It definitely could be! But you’ll have to just wait and see. It’s not enough on its own. I also wonder if she started taking a new med that was making her feel weird. Either way, just keep an eye on her and see how it goes. |
Anonymous
I mean, menopause?? It can make women not give a crap what people think and more forgetful. To OP — Sounds like this is your first kid. Grandma has reached the “I’m not a horrible person, but I can’t tolerate ridiculous rules — this kid is 3 for Pete’s sake” phase of life. She thinks her grandkid should have toys and she wanted some cake. Unless something becomes much more egregious, you should let it go. |