What’s going on with MIL?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday was my son’s 3rd birthday party , and I’m feeling a little concerned about my MIL, who’s 58. She’s usually so thoughtful, but her behavior felt a bit off.

She arrived three hours early, asked to use our bathroom and shower to get ready, and came out looking like she was going to a fashion show, not a kid’s birthday party! I complimented her, but it felt a little much. Then, she realized she forgot my son’s gift that she thought she had ordered online, so she went to the store and came back with bags full of of random toys. Personally, I think toys are a waste of money, but my son is enjoying them.

During the party, she kept interrupting to take way too many photos of my son, which was pretty awkward, especially with a lot of people there. And when it was time to cut the cake, she jumped in front of the kids and cut in line.

To top it off, she posted those photos on Instagram, even though I’ve talked to her ten times about not sharing my kid on social media, but she doesn’t listen. I love my MIL, but her behavior felt a bit off. Could this be signs of cognitive decline? I’m not sure how to approach it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a wonderful grandma. Beautiful and generous. Don't be jelly.

[Anonymous]

58? She had an argument with her husband and was feeling very aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a wonderful grandma. Beautiful and generous. Don't be jelly.

She is wonderful, and I posted this out of concern for her. I was wondering if something was off with her.

[Anonymous]

this is impossible to know without more context. Does she often overdress or do the kinds of things you mentioned? For my MIL flashy overdressing and remotely impulsive behavior would be a 5-alarm fire because she was always impeccably clothed and planned to the tee. But me forgetting a gift and running to the store and getting random stuff would be normal, especially for someone who things toys for a 3 year old are a waste (what??). So no idea. I do sympathize on social media, but it's a losing battle alas.

[Anonymous]

She has a brain tumor.

[Anonymous]

That escalated fast from “extra grandma at a birthday party” to cognitive decline.

The tells are in your own post:
“Personally, I think toys are a waste of money, but my son is enjoying them.” ..: so she bought gifts your kid likes and you're still annoyed?

“She kept interrupting to take way too many photos… especially with a lot of people there.” Yes, that’s called a grandma at a party, not a neurological event.

Showing up early, dressing up, overbuying gifts, taking a million photos, cutting the cake line, and ignoring your no-posting rule on Instagram = enthusiastic, boundary-challenged MIL. Not medical mystery.

This reads less like concern and more like you’re stacking petty grievances to justify a bigger accusation. Dial it back. It’s not cognitive decline, it’s mild main-character grandma energy.

This post also minimizes what actual cognitive decline looks like (memory loss that impacts daily functioning, confusion, getting lost, major personality shifts, etc.). C’mon mama. You are better than this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is impossible to know without more context. Does she often overdress or do the kinds of things you mentioned? For my MIL flashy overdressing and remotely impulsive behavior would be a 5-alarm fire because she was always impeccably clothed and planned to the tee. But me forgetting a gift and running to the store and getting random stuff would be normal, especially for someone who things toys for a 3 year old are a waste (what??). So no idea. I do sympathize on social media, but it's a losing battle alas.

Yes, she often overdresses, but her other behavior is off and abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That escalated fast from “extra grandma at a birthday party” to cognitive decline.

The tells are in your own post:
“Personally, I think toys are a waste of money, but my son is enjoying them.” ..: so she bought gifts your kid likes and you're still annoyed?

“She kept interrupting to take way too many photos… especially with a lot of people there.” Yes, that’s called a grandma at a party, not a neurological event.

Showing up early, dressing up, overbuying gifts, taking a million photos, cutting the cake line, and ignoring your no-posting rule on Instagram = enthusiastic, boundary-challenged MIL. Not medical mystery.

This reads less like concern and more like you’re stacking petty grievances to justify a bigger accusation. Dial it back. It’s not cognitive decline, it’s mild main-character grandma energy.

This post also minimizes what actual cognitive decline looks like (memory loss that impacts daily functioning, confusion, getting lost, major personality shifts, etc.). C’mon mama. You are better than this post.

I don’t mean ‘cognitive decline’, as an insult, more like a concern.

When it comes to interrupting, she didn’t do it before, so it felt weird, and cutting cake line also was a little inconsiderate.

I also have rules when it comes to parenting, and this is one thing that she seems to be getting worse lately, MIL ignoring rules. I don’t buy my son toys. There are other rules that she ignores like, not posting my son on social media, or what she feeds him, or what she lets him watch on TV. Since, she’s been ignoring a lot of this lately, I’ve just been worried about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That escalated fast from “extra grandma at a birthday party” to cognitive decline.

The tells are in your own post:
“Personally, I think toys are a waste of money, but my son is enjoying them.” ..: so she bought gifts your kid likes and you're still annoyed?

“She kept interrupting to take way too many photos… especially with a lot of people there.” Yes, that’s called a grandma at a party, not a neurological event.

Showing up early, dressing up, overbuying gifts, taking a million photos, cutting the cake line, and ignoring your no-posting rule on Instagram = enthusiastic, boundary-challenged MIL. Not medical mystery.

This reads less like concern and more like you’re stacking petty grievances to justify a bigger accusation. Dial it back. It’s not cognitive decline, it’s mild main-character grandma energy.

This post also minimizes what actual cognitive decline looks like (memory loss that impacts daily functioning, confusion, getting lost, major personality shifts, etc.). C’mon mama. You are better than this post.

I don’t mean ‘cognitive decline’, as an insult, more like a concern.

When it comes to interrupting, she didn’t do it before, so it felt weird, and cutting cake line also was a little inconsiderate.

I also have rules when it comes to parenting, and this is one thing that she seems to be getting worse lately, MIL ignoring rules. I don’t buy my son toys. There are other rules that she ignores like, not posting my son on social media, or what she feeds him, or what she lets him watch on TV. Since, she’s been ignoring a lot of this lately, I’ve just been worried about her.

You don’t buy your 3 year old any toys? You seem like the weird one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That escalated fast from “extra grandma at a birthday party” to cognitive decline.

The tells are in your own post:
“Personally, I think toys are a waste of money, but my son is enjoying them.” ..: so she bought gifts your kid likes and you're still annoyed?

“She kept interrupting to take way too many photos… especially with a lot of people there.” Yes, that’s called a grandma at a party, not a neurological event.

Showing up early, dressing up, overbuying gifts, taking a million photos, cutting the cake line, and ignoring your no-posting rule on Instagram = enthusiastic, boundary-challenged MIL. Not medical mystery.

This reads less like concern and more like you’re stacking petty grievances to justify a bigger accusation. Dial it back. It’s not cognitive decline, it’s mild main-character grandma energy.

This post also minimizes what actual cognitive decline looks like (memory loss that impacts daily functioning, confusion, getting lost, major personality shifts, etc.). C’mon mama. You are better than this post.

I don’t mean ‘cognitive decline’, as an insult, more like a concern.

When it comes to interrupting, she didn’t do it before, so it felt weird, and cutting cake line also was a little inconsiderate.

I also have rules when it comes to parenting, and this is one thing that she seems to be getting worse lately, MIL ignoring rules. I don’t buy my son toys. There are other rules that she ignores like, not posting my son on social media, or what she feeds him, or what she lets him watch on TV. Since, she’s been ignoring a lot of this lately, I’ve just been worried about her.

You don’t buy your 3 year old any toys? You seem like the weird one.

I do buy him toys, but not these kinds of toys, and not too much toys. I don’t believe it’s weird to parent my child the way I want.

[Anonymous]

Toys are expected at most kid’s birthday parties! Maybe it’s getting harder for your MIL to feel and act like the grandmother that she wants to be if you’ve got a lot of stringent rules, and she decided to celebrate her way on his birthday, when a little excess is to be expected.

Cognitive decline can definitely happen at her age. Maybe this is a personality change, which is a symptom of dementia, but we really can’t tell definitively just from your post. If something is happening, there will be more signs over time. All you can do is keep observing. You can bring up your concerns to your DH, but it’ll be up to him and his siblings, if any, to deal with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Toys are expected at most kid’s birthday parties! Maybe it’s getting harder for your MIL to feel and act like the grandmother that she wants to be if you’ve got a lot of stringent rules, and she decided to celebrate her way on his birthday, when a little excess is to be expected.

Cognitive decline can definitely happen at her age. Maybe this is a personality change, which is a symptom of dementia, but we really can’t tell definitively just from your post. If something is happening, there will be more signs over time. All you can do is keep observing. You can bring up your concerns to your DH, but it’ll be up to him and his siblings, if any, to deal with her.

The toys aren’t really the biggest issue here. MIL has been ignoring a lot of what I say. It’s the overall pattern of her behavior yesterday, which felt very different than her usual behavior.

[Anonymous]

Cognitive decline at 58 is extremely unlikely. It’s hard to say based on the limited info in your post, OP, but you sound super controlling. Yes, the parents set the rules but you sound extreme. It’s important to give grandparents a little leeway. Refusing to follow allergy protocols? Not using car seats? Straight to grandparent jail. Your MIL is nowhere near that. If you are truly concerned have her son speak to her and see if he can sus out whether something is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cognitive decline at 58 is extremely unlikely. It’s hard to say based on the limited info in your post, OP, but you sound super controlling. Yes, the parents set the rules but you sound extreme. It’s important to give grandparents a little leeway. Refusing to follow allergy protocols? Not using car seats? Straight to grandparent jail. Your MIL is nowhere near that. If you are truly concerned have her son speak to her and see if he can sus out whether something is wrong.

I agree with you. It is important to give grandparents leeway, and I have and continue to do so. The main rule she ignores is the social media rule, which is probably the most important, and her ignoring that rule is something that I have to try to fix.

But my post was mainly about how I thought her behavior yesterday was abnormal, and different from how she usually acts, but I will keep an eye out.