Visits- what to expect

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you expect? That your son will stop working and the kids will not go to school for 2 weeks? (not sure about the DIL here, seems she works as well) Did you think the grandkids will stay up late watching TV with you on school nights? That they'll stop their sports or not attend friends' birthday parties? Indeed, you're not the main character. You also seem a bore, expecting everyone else to entertain you (if the best you can do is to watch TV!).

[Anonymous]

The baby girl must’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. ☺️

That said, if you would have offered to drop the kids off at activities and integrate into their routine and then a quick dinner like prior poster suggested, that would’ve made the biggest impact on you getting more quality time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, this isn’t summer and they had to work. Were the kids on spring break?

2 weeks is a really long time. Even if you were coming from Alaska, the flight isn’t that long.

+1

I am 65 years old and have no memory of visits that lasted for months, back in the day. I don't know anyone who did that.

I do. We spent whole summers at grandma’s house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Of course grandparents are more important than sports or phones. That’s why OP’s son and his family spent a VACATION with her over a BREAK. That was the family time.

Then OP decided to park it on their couch for two weeks, and not lift a finger. She didn’t offer to make pizza with the kids, an activity, while her son and his wife went out to dinner. She didn’t offer to take a granddaughter out shopping for a birthday gift for a friend, then drop her off at a birthday party, and pick her up. OP didn’t offer to drive grandson to a sports practice or game, and stay and watch. OP didn’t volunteer to do a special craft or project with any of the grandkids. She didn’t offer to take them on an outing. She didn’t offer to be helpful and integrate into their life in any kind of helpful or interested way. My mom, dad, MIL and DIL have done ALL these things, and more.

Instead, Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, demanding to be entertained, even after she was included in a vacation.

Are you getting it yet?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the grandfather was also floating around their home for 2 weeks too?

“We went to our sons home…”

Depending on your ages, maybe the best you can both do is just sit around. While that’s not too disruptive - just feeding and cleaning up after you - it could be awkward for the tweens. I would not expect them to entertain you, you’d have to lead the conversations too. They’re in middle school! They don’t perform on demand.

[Anonymous]

OP hadn’t said how old she is. When I was a teen my grandma stayed with us for two weeks and since she was 85 by then she pretty much just watched tv and accepted food. But my mom is 70 and has way more energy for helping out.

[Anonymous]

These are different times so better adjust to new times where you visit for shorter time or entertain yourselves during rest of the trip. Its okay to mourn expectations based in past but not okay to let them sour present or future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Sure, but I think OP is falling into a common grandparent mentality where the grandparents don't adjust to the grandchildren's ages, they just want preschoolers who are excited to see them.

Also, I don't recommend cancelling things for a grandparent visit when kids are older. All that will do is make the kids resent the visits. The grandparents need to become a part of the routine and schedule instead.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents:
Bragging about their smart, involved grandkids who are good at sports and have lots of friends.

Also grandparents:
No school activities, clubs, sports or birthday parties when I’m Visiting

[Anonymous]

Lolz. Good one.

Same for the working parents.

Such smart, successful, social son and DIL.

Why’d they go to that fundraiser event Saturday night, what jerks. They should have watched another movie with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Of course grandparents are more important than sports or phones. That’s why OP’s son and his family spent a VACATION with her over a BREAK. That was the family time.

Then OP decided to park it on their couch for two weeks, and not lift a finger. She didn’t offer to make pizza with the kids, an activity, while her son and his wife went out to dinner. She didn’t offer to take a granddaughter out shopping for a birthday gift for a friend, then drop her off at a birthday party, and pick her up. OP didn’t offer to drive grandson to a sports practice or game, and stay and watch. OP didn’t volunteer to do a special craft or project with any of the grandkids. She didn’t offer to take them on an outing. She didn’t offer to be helpful and integrate into their life in any kind of helpful or interested way. My mom, dad, MIL and DIL have done ALL these things, and more.

Instead, Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, demanding to be entertained, even after she was included in a vacation.

Are you getting it yet?

None of this was in OP's post. We don't know what she did or didn't do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Sure, but I think OP is falling into a common grandparent mentality where the grandparents don't adjust to the grandchildren's ages, they just want preschoolers who are excited to see them.

Also, I don't recommend cancelling things for a grandparent visit when kids are older. All that will do is make the kids resent the visits. The grandparents need to become a part of the routine and schedule instead.

My parents did this too and pretty much lost all hope of relationship with either kid when the kids were around 8. They wanted to talk with them like they were preschoolers and have them stroke their egos like they did when they were preschoolers. They had zero interest in getting to know my kids' unique personalities, interests, and how they lived their lives. I don't get it. I like knowing about people's routines and habits and what they like and don't like and how they spend their time. Lots of grandparents don't. They just want talking points to tell their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Of course grandparents are more important than sports or phones. That’s why OP’s son and his family spent a VACATION with her over a BREAK. That was the family time.

Then OP decided to park it on their couch for two weeks, and not lift a finger. She didn’t offer to make pizza with the kids, an activity, while her son and his wife went out to dinner. She didn’t offer to take a granddaughter out shopping for a birthday gift for a friend, then drop her off at a birthday party, and pick her up. OP didn’t offer to drive grandson to a sports practice or game, and stay and watch. OP didn’t volunteer to do a special craft or project with any of the grandkids. She didn’t offer to take them on an outing. She didn’t offer to be helpful and integrate into their life in any kind of helpful or interested way. My mom, dad, MIL and DIL have done ALL these things, and more.

Instead, Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, demanding to be entertained, even after she was included in a vacation.

Are you getting it yet?

This is exactly it. Acting like a victim about it when if anything they should have the most resources, creative ideas and abilities to come up with ideas and plans. If OP tried all of this stuff and still couldn't connect then maybe they should just decide that for this stage of life, they should just be happy with the holidays. But they didn't. They expected children to plan their stay? On top of homework and school? They expected the parents to plan their stay as if they are toddlers needing full activity schedules? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom visits my overseas sister for long periods (4 to 6 weeks) and she falls in with their routine. Sister works part time, kids go to school, and my mom attends their events and pretty much goes with the flow. She always comes back feeling like she got a good visit. It’s made even harder because sister lives in a country where my mom cannot speak ANY of the language or even read it phonetically so she’s hopeless when it comes to shopping or going anywhere alone. If she can do it you can OP!

What happens when your mom visits your married with kids brother for 4-6 weeks? Does he work part time and have her tag along with him every day?

I don’t have a brother. I mean while my sister is at work my mom amuses herself. She takes walks, does laundry, chops vegetables for dinner or whatever. Then they go together to school pickup, dance class, or whatever other errands need running. She doesn’t expect the routine to end because she’s there.
If you are saying that it would be different with a DIL then a daughter, that may or may not be the case. I have friends who are closer to their MILs than their own mothers. If my MIL wanted a visit like this I’d be happy to integrate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

Of course grandparents are more important than sports or phones. That’s why OP’s son and his family spent a VACATION with her over a BREAK. That was the family time.

Then OP decided to park it on their couch for two weeks, and not lift a finger. She didn’t offer to make pizza with the kids, an activity, while her son and his wife went out to dinner. She didn’t offer to take a granddaughter out shopping for a birthday gift for a friend, then drop her off at a birthday party, and pick her up. OP didn’t offer to drive grandson to a sports practice or game, and stay and watch. OP didn’t volunteer to do a special craft or project with any of the grandkids. She didn’t offer to take them on an outing. She didn’t offer to be helpful and integrate into their life in any kind of helpful or interested way. My mom, dad, MIL and DIL have done ALL these things, and more.

Instead, Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, demanding to be entertained, even after she was included in a vacation.

Are you getting it yet?

None of this was in OP's post. We don't know what she did or didn't do.

Riiiiiggghhhhtttt. I’m sure OP would have left that important context out of her original post. I bet you’re right.