Visits- what to expect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited my son’s family for two weeks, a long flight for us. We spent a nice four day Easter weekend at a resort with them. But then once back at their house, it was difficult to get any meaningful time with the grandkids or my son.

The kids, in middle school, had things after school - practices and bday parties- and the parents had conferences and evening events too. The girls also mainly retreated to their rooms at night, or one would watch tv with us until late.

I miss the days when families would visit each other for half of summer or extended periods with no work. Oh well.

It sounds like your son did not actually want you to visit for two weeks. That is a long visit. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have. You need to take the hint and adjust.

Did you grow up wealthy so that the adults in your family didn't have jobs and could just while away the summer doing nothing? You need to adjust your expectations about how much vacation time the adults actually have.

No it doesn't sound like they didn't want her there. Why so aggressive? Rather she was able to visit but life would be going on as usual. OP got a taste of the busy life with kids that age. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, this isn’t summer and they had to work. Were the kids on spring break?

2 weeks is a really long time. Even if you were coming from Alaska, the flight isn’t that long.

+1

I am 65 years old and have no memory of visits that lasted for months, back in the day. I don't know anyone who did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss the days when families would visit each other for half of summer or extended periods with no work. Oh well.

Who has, or has ever had, extended periods with no work?

[Anonymous]

My mom visits my overseas sister for long periods (4 to 6 weeks) and she falls in with their routine. Sister works part time, kids go to school, and my mom attends their events and pretty much goes with the flow. She always comes back feeling like she got a good visit. It’s made even harder because sister lives in a country where my mom cannot speak ANY of the language or even read it phonetically so she’s hopeless when it comes to shopping or going anywhere alone. If she can do it you can OP!

[Anonymous]

Either make your visits shorter, or be prepared to fall into their routine. Life doesn’t stop because Grandma comes for a visit. You’re not the main character. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either make your visits shorter, or be prepared to fall into their routine. Life doesn’t stop because Grandma comes for a visit. You’re not the main character. Get over yourself.

+100

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you were more involved you would enjoy going to their games and cheering them on. The time to do that was when they were young. You could have ended it after the Easter break, but instead you decided to insert yourselves into the very busy school/work lives of a family with kids who have their own lives. I am 100% sure they tried to tell you nicely not to come back to their house, but you did not listen.

[Anonymous]

Today's kids have tons of activities. They can't just skip them. My daughter's youth orchestra allows two absences per concert season, and those are usually taken up in sick days. She has stuff all Saturday, and we drive long distances for her stuff on Sunday.

Because of that, kids really value their downtime. It's exhausting having to come home after a busy day to entertain relatives in your home. Kids need to recharge in their favorite ways - usually with devices, chatting with friends. You are a relative stranger in their lives and it's a burden to them to adjust to you. They would rather spend time with the friends they see every day at school.

it's a huge imposition to be there when the kids have school, unless you're helping out by making meals, driving kids to activities, etc.
Please stop doing that. You were lucky enough to spend time with them at a resort. Count your blessings, OP and stop whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited my son’s family for two weeks, a long flight for us. We spent a nice four day Easter weekend at a resort with them. But then once back at their house, it was difficult to get any meaningful time with the grandkids or my son.

The kids, in middle school, had things after school - practices and bday parties- and the parents had conferences and evening events too. The girls also mainly retreated to their rooms at night, or one would watch tv with us until late.

I miss the days when families would visit each other for half of summer or extended periods with no work. Oh well.

It sounds like your son did not actually want you to visit for two weeks. That is a long visit. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have. You need to take the hint and adjust.

Did you grow up wealthy so that the adults in your family didn't have jobs and could just while away the summer doing nothing? You need to adjust your expectations about how much vacation time the adults actually have.

No it doesn't sound like they didn't want her there. Why so aggressive? Rather she was able to visit but life would be going on as usual. OP got a taste of the busy life with kids that age. That's all.

I bet the parents had a conversation about it, and they agreed to not cater to the grandparents, so as to send a message.

OP, hear the message!

[Anonymous]

NP, and I have no horse in this race, but grandparents are definitely more important than sports or phones. I realize I seem to be the only person who feels this way, and that's okay.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how long a "long flight" is to you, but if you need to stay for two weeks for the trip to be worth it, make yourselves lower maintenance

Can you do a short tip somewhere nearby, midway throughyour visit? A couple of nights without guests would be easier on your hosts

How much scut work are you doing while you're there? I have a family member who lives to hang pictures, weed, stock the freezer, etc., or at least it seems like she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently visited my son’s family for two weeks, a long flight for us. We spent a nice four day Easter weekend at a resort with them. But then once back at their house, it was difficult to get any meaningful time with the grandkids or my son.

The kids, in middle school, had things after school - practices and bday parties- and the parents had conferences and evening events too. The girls also mainly retreated to their rooms at night, or one would watch tv with us until late.

I miss the days when families would visit each other for half of summer or extended periods with no work. Oh well.

It sounds like your son did not actually want you to visit for two weeks. That is a long visit. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have. You need to take the hint and adjust.

Did you grow up wealthy so that the adults in your family didn't have jobs and could just while away the summer doing nothing? You need to adjust your expectations about how much vacation time the adults actually have.

No it doesn't sound like they didn't want her there. Why so aggressive? Rather she was able to visit but life would be going on as usual. OP got a taste of the busy life with kids that age. That's all.

I bet the parents had a conversation about it, and they agreed to not cater to the grandparents, so as to send a message.

OP, hear the message!

Or maybe like functional adults they told them in advance to set expectations. And OP was just surprised at how busy everyone is.

[Anonymous]

Op, how are you feeling about the responses?

[Anonymous]

A two week visit (staying in the same house) is too long of a visit for most. Not all, but most.

Starting at middle school age, kids have commitments too. Of course family is important- and missing an activity for a day or two for an important visit or event is still ok. However, missing 2 weeks of activities often is not.

It would be better to visit in the summer when the kids are out of school and the family has more downtime (obviously, check with your son and DIL well in advance).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom visits my overseas sister for long periods (4 to 6 weeks) and she falls in with their routine. Sister works part time, kids go to school, and my mom attends their events and pretty much goes with the flow. She always comes back feeling like she got a good visit. It’s made even harder because sister lives in a country where my mom cannot speak ANY of the language or even read it phonetically so she’s hopeless when it comes to shopping or going anywhere alone. If she can do it you can OP!

What happens when your mom visits your married with kids brother for 4-6 weeks? Does he work part time and have her tag along with him every day?