Grief of a Failed Marriage and Jealousy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad you're finally out of this marriage you have only been posting about 6 years

😩

[Anonymous]

You aren't alone, but also your story isn't over.

I had similar misfortunes and 15 years later I have such an incredible life. That doesn't mean there aren't still struggles too.

Keep the faith and keep working towards the good life.

[Anonymous]

This deranged OP is back. I catch you every time you post. How are none of you seeing it?Dozens of posts over the past few months.

You have a personality disorder that is causing men to flee you. That’s why you can’t have a husband and a baby. If men wanted to marry you, they would. They don’t though. And it’s not because you haven’t looked in the right place yet for the rich guy you want so badly. It’s because you’re nuts, stuck, and desperate. No man wants that in a wife and mother of his children.

[Anonymous]

PP from directly above. Just read through the thread. Glad others are FINALLY seeing this this OP is a serial poster who needs to get a grip. It’s getting so old and sad.

[Anonymous]

Your posts gets a strong response because they are so negative, and you ruminate on the same things: victimhood at the hands of your ex-husband, jealousy of others who “have it all, etc. But you have choices, and you have many good things in your life, and there is still much to examine (like why you stayed with your ex for so long). Make this a time to explore yourself, what you want from life, the kind of person you want to be, and get out of this cycle of “my sister has it all, how can I cope” and “my friends have it all, how can I cope,” etc.

[Anonymous]

If you really know in your soul you want to be a parent and have the resources, mentally, physically and financially to go for it, become a single mom by choice! Get yourself to a sperm bank. At least have the conversation with a clinic. I am a midwife, and have had the opportunity to support a good number of women who made this choice. They are all for the most part thriving, with the exhaustion and stress that comes with parenting for many in a relationship or not. A few are actual friends in real life with me and would say their only regret is that they didn’t make the choice to have a baby sooner as they hope to be around for that many more years to watch their kids grow. These are mother with kids ranging from infant to high school senior (one of the first I worked with!).

Meanwhile, I have one life long friend that did not have the marriage she wanted to bring a child into, and felt he would have made a terrible co-parent. They divorced and she wasn’t ready to pull the trigger right away on going it solo. She is now past the baby years (We’re in menopause at this point.) and she still mourns not having had the opportunity to be a parent. Plenty of people do not want to be and should not be parents…but if in your heart of hearts you do, make the leap!

[Anonymous]

Go have that baby on your own! I know several single moms by choice and they are thriving. Men are overrated.

- married woman with kids

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this.

It certainly must hurt - - I strongly encourage you to possibly meet some other friends that may be in the same situation as you are in.

I am not saying you should ditch these two friends (certainly not!), but also have some other friends that you can socialize with that have more in common w/you.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad you're finally out of this marriage you have only been posting about 6 years

How'd you know it was the same poster?

Not PP, but I'm pretty sure it's the same poster as well. I read the OP and thought "This again?" They post the same thing again and again and again.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

And then this psycho OP never comes back once people catch on to who she is. I wonder if Jeff would just block her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then this psycho OP never comes back once people catch on to who she is. I wonder if Jeff would just block her.

I don’t think she’s psycho, just severely, severely stunted in her emotional maturity and ability to reflect maturely on her situation. Take her cheating husband who strung her along for a decade. To her, it’s ALL HIS FAULT. She can’t fathom taking ownership of her choice to stay with him year after year. Most emotionally healthy women would have left after year two. But she hides behind the idea that he’s the big bad villain because it’s easier than taking a hard look at her choices and inaction.

This is a sad place for her to be in. She’s late 30s and has the emotional IQ of perhaps a 22 year old girl. She clings to the idea that she just needs to find the right venue where the good men hang out, meet one that will knock her up, and get the happily ever after she thinks she deserves. Perhaps some hard soul searching will show her that there’s freedom in self accountability and ownership, but I’m not sure she has that emotional depth to be able to do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This deranged OP is back. I catch you every time you post. How are none of you seeing it?Dozens of posts over the past few months.

You have a personality disorder that is causing men to flee you. That’s why you can’t have a husband and a baby. If men wanted to marry you, they would. They don’t though. And it’s not because you haven’t looked in the right place yet for the rich guy you want so badly. It’s because you’re nuts, stuck, and desperate. No man wants that in a wife and mother of his children.

OP can post as often as she wants to find support, why anonymously insult her? While you could just move on, you find the uncontrollable need to put her down to make yourself feel valuable. News flash- immature trolls are not valuable men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it takes time to come to terms with your own life, grief, and decisions. That healing will happen.

I will also say that this is a very hard time because many of your peers will be going through those milestones and its natural to compare, even if not healthy.

It may happen for you, too, but if it doesn't, you are not consigning yourself to an empty life. My friends who partnered in their later 40s/50s are the happiest women I know. One married someone who had kids, the other 2 married men who didnt have/want kids, but they all have very rich, full lives, and a lot of freedom (and money). Their relationships are solid, but they also have rich friend networks, and full lives because they spent their late 30s and 40s doing those kinds of things. They also all struggled in their late 30s as others seemed to be doing things by the book, but that moment in life passes.

So work through the grief, but also know that your future is not yet written and it is full of possibility.

I love this response PP. finally someone kind and optimistic and openminded.

I am divorced in my 40s. If I were you and you live nearby, I would offer to be an aunt or godmother and help them out with their babies. Being a new mom can be a struggle that you don’t necessarily see in cute photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a baby by yourself, OP. Use a sperm donor.

Horrible idea. A child deserves a mother and a father. Of course circumstance can derail our best laid plans but it is reckless and selfish to intentionally produce a child with the preemptive knowledge that they will never know their father. You would be perpetuation generational trauma and dysfunction just to get your own personal satisfaction. Don't do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This deranged OP is back. I catch you every time you post. How are none of you seeing it?Dozens of posts over the past few months.

You have a personality disorder that is causing men to flee you. That’s why you can’t have a husband and a baby. If men wanted to marry you, they would. They don’t though. And it’s not because you haven’t looked in the right place yet for the rich guy you want so badly. It’s because you’re nuts, stuck, and desperate. No man wants that in a wife and mother of his children.

OP can post as often as she wants to find support, why anonymously insult her? While you could just move on, you find the uncontrollable need to put her down to make yourself feel valuable. News flash- immature trolls are not valuable men.

I'm not the PP. But it is a predictable phenomena that people will get that irritated with you if you whine and complain for years about the same things while clearly having done nothing about it.