Women staying in, staying home, downshifting this year

[Anonymous]

Well I'm mid-40s, do not have "a few million" and still have a kid in elementary. So I'm not semi-retired or rolling in money.

I'm just tired.

My job is fine, I would actually be happy to work more but there is not enough bandwidth for me to focus more on work. DH is burned out on his job but it pays better with better benefits, I'd love to trade places and be the breadwinner for a while but he doesn't want to take on more parenting responsibility either which is problematic. We both have family-related drama with siblings who are struggling and aging parents. I've had multiple health problems in recent years that are maybe partly perimenopause, partly stress.

I am doing less socially because I don't have anything left. I need to sleep more and get better exercise, not go out more. I especially have no interest in making new friends right now, I only want to hang out with people I've known a long time and who get where I'm at and with whom I don't have to do all the getting to know you stuff, which I'm just too tired for. My priorities are: my kids, myself, my spouse, in that order. Of what's left, I do my best at work and with extended family and friends. What I really wish is that I had family who I could rely on and was a support to us, but that's not happening, so I'm just trying to get through.

[Anonymous]

I thought it was normal in late 40s to slow down and enjoy staying in.
Can't drink much as I get very dehydrated. I can't eat carbs without stomach ache. I can't walk without bones making cracking noises. Luckily sleeping got better with magnesium.
I can't even imagine having to work full time with kids still in elementary school.
I have time for my health, for myself, working part time is lovely, and I do enjoy occasional drinks with friends. Nice balance.

[Anonymous]

Tracks for me. I have barely left the house since December!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your age group. My kids are older now and I'm upshifting. More time for myself, less time and energy mothering.

Yes, it’s OP’s age group. Noy a society-wide change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

This is very true. Clothes are so bad right now.

I still see my friends a decent amount, although it was curtailed a bit over the winter.

I just opened an OLD box full of clothes I must have last worn 15 years ago. I was going to donate it all, then though wait, this random GAP sweater, Jcrew stuff, old blue jeans and leather Coach bag all look so much better than anything I can buy today. Maybe I should hang onto them.

HANG onto them sister!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 32 year old co worker asks me every Friday “do you have any plans this weekend?” She seems disappointed every time I say “just relax at home!” She is the type that is going to drag her toddler to a gym class, a winery and out to eat, plus make her husband build something for their house this weekend. We are very dissimilar.

I tell people I relax at home but I had 3 gym sessions booked.

[Anonymous]

Yes! It feels like there is nothing to do or nothing worth the cost like going out to eat. We don't eat out anymore but it's just been blah. Boredom, sadness..is this a recession? Depression? It feels like there is nothing good out there, no hope. I don't know how else to articulate it. Even having a hard time finding good tv shows or good books. Just nothingness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tracks for me. I have barely left the house since December!

What have you been doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not me or my circle. I love my job, traveling, and going out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, I've noticed this too. We're all just really tired and not feeling like much is worth the effort or money. I don't know that this is depression but it's for sure something happening. This is a thing. I think the last 6 years has really taken a toll on everything in our lives. Made us reevaluate things and made us more wanting to be relaxed maybe at home, I don't know but this isn't just you OP. You're not alone in this at all.

The pandemic shutdown started on March 13. Here is the state of the country 6 years later.

[Anonymous]

There used to be fun trends - online dances to learn, a fun new food to try, a tv show everybody was addicted to. None of it exists or hits the same now. Nobody cares about celebrities, no one to admire. Can’t figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your age group. My kids are older now and I'm upshifting. More time for myself, less time and energy mothering.

Same.

[Anonymous]

I hit that wall in my early 40s, a couple of years after having DC #2. I became a SAHM, and my social life centered around the DCs rather than around adult gatherings requiring a babysitter. FWIW, life started getting fun and less exhausting again in my 50s. We’re back to eating out regularly, going to shows, and traveling impromptu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hit that wall in my early 40s, a couple of years after having DC #2. I became a SAHM, and my social life centered around the DCs rather than around adult gatherings requiring a babysitter. FWIW, life started getting fun and less exhausting again in my 50s. We’re back to eating out regularly, going to shows, and traveling impromptu.

This is why every middle aged mom in suburbia are miserable. You need your own life, friends and hobbies as opposed to your children running your social life. Of course you admit life started getting fun again in your 50s.

[Anonymous]

All of you still should be connecting with friends. Make a phone date. Settle into your favorite chair in your PJs. 45min of conversation with a friend is wonderful. Every few months, at least. If not more often. Stay connected.