Women staying in, staying home, downshifting this year

[Anonymous]

I noticed myself as well as several friends and coworkers undergoing such a shift in the past year. Overall, we are going out a lot less and just living more quietly. One friend went part time to spend more time with her kids, another quit because she couldn’t RTO, another did RTO but it was very hard on her and her family, and they had already just dealt with a family tragedy a couple of years ago and it was all too much, and she ended up quitting to SAH. I’m surviving but don’t want to go out as much. Being home and being with my teens is so nice. Other friends (two females couple) thinking about another baby and downshifting. They have the money and just don’t have it in them anymore to keep going all-out at work. What is going on? Is it just my circle?

[Anonymous]

We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

[Anonymous]

No. It is just not your circle. It is a number of things -
- everyone is getting older and have less energy
- people have less money, more anxiety about money
- inflation
- life stage. AC kids and elderly parents.

[Anonymous]

It's your age group. My kids are older now and I'm upshifting. More time for myself, less time and energy mothering.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like some of this is women being pushed out of their jobs by RTO. And that's awful. I wouldn't frame it as a willing "downshift."

I see a bit the opposite. We are leaning more heavily into in person socializing, some of it's hosting but also going out to meet up sometimes, or driving to visit family. It's comforting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like some of this is women being pushed out of their jobs by RTO. And that's awful. I wouldn't frame it as a willing "downshift."

I see a bit the opposite. We are leaning more heavily into in person socializing, some of it's hosting but also going out to meet up sometimes, or driving to visit family. It's comforting.

It is awful, but on the other hand, “careers” have been somewhat overhyped, and women’s work in the home has been so devalued that one feels worthless without a career. Which I think is bull$hit - what is really more important than caring for your family? It sucks because in order for that to work, the other spouse has to be earning a lot, at least around here. But after having done it all, and seeing my teens so much better off mentally with a parent who is able to be fully present in a way that few jobs offer enough flexibility for, I am starting to understand why so many teens are having mental health issues. Re: the teen-ternity posts from a couple of years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

I feel the same about both. Nothing feels worth the expense.

[Anonymous]

I’m doing this too. I’m an independent contractor who wax working close to full time and I haven’t quit completely, but I’m probably working 20% of my prior load at most. Fortunately we are in a financial position for me to do this. I’m 55 so I guess it’s like early retirement.

It’s hard to articulate why, beyond “tired and sick of it,” even though I do like my work. I’m just really tired. Articulating it like that sounds ridiculous, but that is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Not me or my circle. I love my job, traveling, and going out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like some of this is women being pushed out of their jobs by RTO. And that's awful. I wouldn't frame it as a willing "downshift."

I see a bit the opposite. We are leaning more heavily into in person socializing, some of it's hosting but also going out to meet up sometimes, or driving to visit family. It's comforting.

It is awful, but on the other hand, “careers” have been somewhat overhyped, and women’s work in the home has been so devalued that one feels worthless without a career. Which I think is bull$hit - what is really more important than caring for your family? It sucks because in order for that to work, the other spouse has to be earning a lot, at least around here. But after having done it all, and seeing my teens so much better off mentally with a parent who is able to be fully present in a way that few jobs offer enough flexibility for, I am starting to understand why so many teens are having mental health issues. Re: the teen-ternity posts from a couple of years ago.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

This X1000! DH and I have gotten into cooking from scratch because restaurants have become so bad and the prices are too high for the bad quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

This is very true. Clothes are so bad right now.

I still see my friends a decent amount, although it was curtailed a bit over the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not me or my circle. I love my job, traveling, and going out.

How old are you guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't eat out as much because the food is no good. I don't know what happened, but Covid started it and then the past year or two restaurants cut costs and everything is gross. Same with shopping. I don't really purchase anything anymore.

You’re going to the wrong restaurants sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed myself as well as several friends and coworkers undergoing such a shift in the past year. Overall, we are going out a lot less and just living more quietly. One friend went part time to spend more time with her kids, another quit because she couldn’t RTO, another did RTO but it was very hard on her and her family, and they had already just dealt with a family tragedy a couple of years ago and it was all too much, and she ended up quitting to SAH. I’m surviving but don’t want to go out as much. Being home and being with my teens is so nice. Other friends (two females couple) thinking about another baby and downshifting. They have the money and just don’t have it in them anymore to keep going all-out at work. What is going on? Is it just my circle?

You're getting old.