Sad my DD is breaking up with her boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Who cares how he is to you OP. He sounds needy and clingy for your daughter. She is doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate? My DD has been with this kid officially since October but they hung out all summer. He is the nicest, most polite and treats her so well. He is super respectful, comes to the door when he picks her up, always wants to talk to us, and is just a really great guy. She totally agrees. But the issue is she is a senior and he is a junior and she has said from the beginning that she does not want to spend her summer before leaving for college with a boyfriend. She has also been very forthcoming about wanting to spend time with her friends. Unfortunately him being a junior means he is not invited/included in the senior parties/gatherings so she goes to those without him. He 100% trusts her, but feels like she should want to spend more of her time with him than her friends. She says she feels like she does not want to "drop everything" to be with him whenever he wants to hang out, even though he would 100% do that for her (she has never asked him to do that). Last weekend there was a big party that she went to after hanging out with him all day and he was upset that she went. She says she feels like she wants to spend this last semester having fun and enjoying senior year and instead she feels guilty and stressed about the relationship. She says she does not want to string him along. So I totally get it and know it is the right thing. I just really feel sad for him and know she will likely realize later that he really was a good egg. Not looking for advice, just wondering if anyone has ever felt similar when their son or daughter ended a relationship.

Your DD and the people she hangs with seem very rigid about grade levels, ages, and what type of fun is the correct fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad that we sometimes meet the right person at the wrong time, but this situation sounds like that. If they are meant to be together, they will eventually reconnect again.

+1. I get it though. I’m still sad about kids that my kids were friends with for many year as ES kids that they drifted apart from as teens. These kids were in my house all the time, I watched them grow up, cheered their accomplishments, etc—almost like a niece or nephew—so to have them just removed from my life feels weird. But that’s life. See the Beatles song In My Life — reminds you that even if someone leaves your life, that doesn’t mean they didn’t have a place there for a moment in time that meant something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone relate? My DD has been with this kid officially since October but they hung out all summer. He is the nicest, most polite and treats her so well. He is super respectful, comes to the door when he picks her up, always wants to talk to us, and is just a really great guy. She totally agrees. But the issue is she is a senior and he is a junior and she has said from the beginning that she does not want to spend her summer before leaving for college with a boyfriend. She has also been very forthcoming about wanting to spend time with her friends. Unfortunately him being a junior means he is not invited/included in the senior parties/gatherings so she goes to those without him. He 100% trusts her, but feels like she should want to spend more of her time with him than her friends. She says she feels like she does not want to "drop everything" to be with him whenever he wants to hang out, even though he would 100% do that for her (she has never asked him to do that). Last weekend there was a big party that she went to after hanging out with him all day and he was upset that she went. She says she feels like she wants to spend this last semester having fun and enjoying senior year and instead she feels guilty and stressed about the relationship. She says she does not want to string him along. So I totally get it and know it is the right thing. I just really feel sad for him and know she will likely realize later that he really was a good egg. Not looking for advice, just wondering if anyone has ever felt similar when their son or daughter ended a relationship.

Your DD and the people she hangs with seem very rigid about grade levels, ages, and what type of fun is the correct fun.

Weirdest take yet.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter sounds amazing.
You sound crazy. Yes, a lot of his behavior is wonderful (and it's sad that the standard is so low these days that we are wowed by this behavior, I'm right there with you). But he's also acting in a way that is not fair to your daughter. Right away, the romance should be lost for you, even if you understand where he is coming from. They are teens.
She is right about what she should be doing right now. Encourage her to keep a friendship with him. You never know what can happen in the future.
Post college or grad school, I would say, yeah- maybe don't throw this one away. I'm single myself and it is awful out there. But she's too young and has so much of life to experience unfettered.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, you want the best for your kids. If they find a good partner and have a good relationship, you see it as a blessing that they don't have to kiss dozens of frogs to find their prince or princess. It gives you peace that they'll look out for each other, which would make life easier for them. You can mourn the loss without any guilt. This is normal.

[Anonymous]

You need to remember what it would have been like if you were in your daughter's position. If parents are too emotional, the daughter/son draws back. It's an affront to their budding independent self.

OP, I'm surprised you know so much. Make sure it isn't because your daughter felt pressured, by you, to explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent, you want the best for your kids. If they find a good partner and have a good relationship, you see it as a blessing that they don't have to kiss dozens of frogs to find their prince or princess. It gives you peace that they'll look out for each other, which would make life easier for them. You can mourn the loss without any guilt. This is normal.

I find it pretty profoundly weird that OP is so invested in the love life of her 18 year old, more so than the daughter herself. And it's WAY too early for her to be thinking about finding good long-term partners; the kid's 18!!!

We won't even address how low OP's standards are that she thinks that this clingy kid who seems overly invested in the relationship is somehow the gold standard for partners.

[Anonymous]

Smart young lady.

[Anonymous]

I would be so proud that my daughter could resist the guilt trips of a "nice guy" and wanted to hang out with her friends!!! In 10 years there's a good chance she'll still have the friends and not the guy. So she's making the right choice.

There are lots of nice guys. If she is smart and capable, she will meet lots of them. Your standards are in the dumpster if you think some 16 year old kid is the end of the road for your own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so proud that my daughter could resist the guilt trips of a "nice guy" and wanted to hang out with her friends!!! In 10 years there's a good chance she'll still have the friends and not the guy. So she's making the right choice.

There are lots of nice guys. If she is smart and capable, she will meet lots of them. Your standards are in the dumpster if you think some 16 year old kid is the end of the road for your own kid.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Please don't be this mom. My own mom was heavily invested in who we dated/whether we were dating or getting asked out and, as we got older, "finding/having a partner", and it permanently messed with my sense of self within relationships - like my value only came from being chosen/wanted by the "right" person, regardless of the actual health of the relationship. Your daughter sounds like she's making a great decision, you need to support her 100%.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. Give yourself some grace - it's okay to be a little sad. Just don't let it take over your life.

[Anonymous]

OP here, to be honest you sound unstable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, to be honest you sound unstable

Who are you talking to?