Does it bother you to see families super underdressed at church?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never understood dressing up for any religious house of worship.

Why would any God even care? Cleanliness, I understand. But specific or dressy clothes? That's for humans, not any God..

I felt the same way about mosques, growing up Muslim - why do women need to cover their hair when praying or going to a mosque? Why on earth would God care at all?

It's all performative. I know that all religion is basically performative, but it's wild to me how people care about these things.

I think it goes hand and hand. You're setting the tone that this is something to take seriously and worthy of respect. It's once a week for an hour or two. Why is it so hard for people to demonstrate some level CARE?

Disagree. Cleanliness has a "purification" element that I get with regards to religion. Clothes are just exterior. A facade. Only people care about facades.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I just feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very church or place of worship dependent. Everyone still dresses nice at black churches and synagogues.

I feel like dressing well shows respect. I was raised Catholic and my family always wore our "Sunday best" to mass. I fell in and out of church and stopped for good a few years ago. At a conservative Catholic church, men wore cargo shorts and flip flops and women wore spaghetti strap tanks and showed cleavage...at the 8am mass! I commune with God in nature, no more church for me. For weddings and funerals, I wear very nice clothes to show respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I just feel sorry for them.

That’s so sweet of you. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very church or place of worship dependent. Everyone still dresses nice at black churches and synagogues.

I feel like dressing well shows respect. I was raised Catholic and my family always wore our "Sunday best" to mass. I fell in and out of church and stopped for good a few years ago. At a conservative Catholic church, men wore cargo shorts and flip flops and women wore spaghetti strap tanks and showed cleavage...at the 8am mass! I commune with God in nature, no more church for me. For weddings and funerals, I wear very nice clothes to show respect.

So dressing up for church wasn’t about your faith. So why is it important when going to church is about faith?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I just feel sorry for them.

That’s so sweet of you. Why?

Because they don’t know any better, and everyone is judging them. They kids don’t know why everyone is staring at them.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, a lot of people don’t even own ‘dress clothes’ anymore like they used to 40-50 years ago. Less people are purchasing a blazer for their kids or even dress shoes. At this point, be thankful that they are attending.

[Anonymous]

My church growing up had two homeless guys show up every Sunday. They weren't well dressed at all. I believe Jesus would prefer people like the pastor I grew up with who welcomed them.

[Anonymous]

No.

In fact I am not crazy about seeing the dressed up families. It's 2026 -- fancy clothes at church is an affectation at this point. I love fashion, but there is a time and place for it, and church isn't it; it's not a fashion show. If the DH is in a suit and the kids are dressed up, they are going well beyond what is the norm, and that says something and it isn't positive (even though the people doing it think it is).

-- usher (so I see pretty much everyone as they come in) in an Episcopal church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

I can say this, my current church has a much higher attendance of teens since they can dress comfortably. Just because things were done in the past doesn’t make a change bad. There will always be those who dress up. Mind your own business.

Back in the 90s my parents used to fight my brother every weekend to get him dressed for church. It made everything super stressful and definitely didn't turn my brother into a church goer.

I'd bet anything the children who are allowed to come to church like slobs are exponentially more likely to cease church attendance when they can (age 18, college, moving out of the house). If their parents never took the church seriously, why would they? It doesn't take money to be tidy, shave, brush hair, put on a collared shirt, tuck your shirt in, and iron your slacks.

Interesting perspective -- that there is some correlation between dress and "taking the church seriously." Completely inaccurate in my experience.

We have a terrible time getting people to do the work that needs to be done to keep our church up and running. The grounds don't maintain themselves, the flowers don't magically appear on the altar, people need to actually prepare and serve the monthly shelter meal our church is responsible for and that our priest references all the time as something that our church does in the community. And you know who is not signing up to do these things? Those dressed-up families. They show up, take advantage of the Sunday School they don't volunteer to help with, get seen at church and coffee hour (that they didn't contribute anything to) and go home. That isn't full membership in a church community; but they will never understand that, and we aren't going to kick them out. When it's brought up in leadership meanings our Priest just shakes his head and then says "Some people just need church as a respite." But they aren't using it as respite.

Also the reference to ironing (see the other thread, today, lol) and "slacks" leads me to believe this PP's mores belong to the 20th century, not the 21st.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

I can say this, my current church has a much higher attendance of teens since they can dress comfortably. Just because things were done in the past doesn’t make a change bad. There will always be those who dress up. Mind your own business.

Back in the 90s my parents used to fight my brother every weekend to get him dressed for church. It made everything super stressful and definitely didn't turn my brother into a church goer.

I'd bet anything the children who are allowed to come to church like slobs are exponentially more likely to cease church attendance when they can (age 18, college, moving out of the house). If their parents never took the church seriously, why would they? It doesn't take money to be tidy, shave, brush hair, put on a collared shirt, tuck your shirt in, and iron your slacks.

Interesting perspective -- that there is some correlation between dress and "taking the church seriously." Completely inaccurate in my experience.

We have a terrible time getting people to do the work that needs to be done to keep our church up and running. The grounds don't maintain themselves, the flowers don't magically appear on the altar, people need to actually prepare and serve the monthly shelter meal our church is responsible for and that our priest references all the time as something that our church does in the community. And you know who is not signing up to do these things? Those dressed-up families. They show up, take advantage of the Sunday School they don't volunteer to help with, get seen at church and coffee hour (that they didn't contribute anything to) and go home. That isn't full membership in a church community; but they will never understand that, and we aren't going to kick them out. When it's brought up in leadership meanings our Priest just shakes his head and then says "Some people just need church as a respite." But they aren't using it as respite.

Also the reference to ironing (see the other thread, today, lol) and "slacks" leads me to believe this PP's mores belong to the 20th century, not the 21st.

I have to admit that we are a freeloading family, although we do dress up slightly. We are freeloading because DH doesn’t support or attend church at all and so I’m doing it solo with young children. I do sometimes do food for coffee hour and donate regularly. Is that OK?

[Anonymous]

All of it is performative, so perform to the extent you need others to see you being pious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care one bit. No one needs to be dressed up to attend church.

Why did everyone dress up for church in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? You don't think that looked much nicer? You don't admire a random good looking family wearing their Sunday best if you see one on a Sunday afternoon? Come on, we all do.

This erosion of effort and appearance and coming to church in casual clothes seems to be a relatively new phenomenon.

I can say this, my current church has a much higher attendance of teens since they can dress comfortably. Just because things were done in the past doesn’t make a change bad. There will always be those who dress up. Mind your own business.

Back in the 90s my parents used to fight my brother every weekend to get him dressed for church. It made everything super stressful and definitely didn't turn my brother into a church goer.

I'd bet anything the children who are allowed to come to church like slobs are exponentially more likely to cease church attendance when they can (age 18, college, moving out of the house). If their parents never took the church seriously, why would they? It doesn't take money to be tidy, shave, brush hair, put on a collared shirt, tuck your shirt in, and iron your slacks.

Interesting perspective -- that there is some correlation between dress and "taking the church seriously." Completely inaccurate in my experience.

We have a terrible time getting people to do the work that needs to be done to keep our church up and running. The grounds don't maintain themselves, the flowers don't magically appear on the altar, people need to actually prepare and serve the monthly shelter meal our church is responsible for and that our priest references all the time as something that our church does in the community. And you know who is not signing up to do these things? Those dressed-up families. They show up, take advantage of the Sunday School they don't volunteer to help with, get seen at church and coffee hour (that they didn't contribute anything to) and go home. That isn't full membership in a church community; but they will never understand that, and we aren't going to kick them out. When it's brought up in leadership meanings our Priest just shakes his head and then says "Some people just need church as a respite." But they aren't using it as respite.

Also the reference to ironing (see the other thread, today, lol) and "slacks" leads me to believe this PP's mores belong to the 20th century, not the 21st.

I have to admit that we are a freeloading family, although we do dress up slightly. We are freeloading because DH doesn’t support or attend church at all and so I’m doing it solo with young children. I do sometimes do food for coffee hour and donate regularly. Is that OK?

I'm not the PP. I think that life goes through seasons. You are welcome in our church in any season of your life. Right now, your kids are young and getting them there and keeping track of them may be what you can do. Perhaps in a future you'll be able to do something different. Maybe your kids will want to contribute by singing in the choir, or serving at the altar. Maybe you and your teenagers will volunteer together to help serve the meal for the homeless. Maybe once your kids are old enough to stay home alone, you'll go to the early service to help in the nursery, and then go home and pick up your kids for church.

Or maybe not. If you never come to the point where you can contribute more, then you'll still be very welcome. However, it would be preferable if, when you do come, you don't judge the people who do do a lot because of their shoes, or the ironing status of their slacks.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread needs to be contextualized. OP- are you white? There’s a different calculus if not. What denomination are we talking about?

Catholic
Episcopal
Methodist/Presbyterian/UCC/mainline Protestant
Non-denominational mega church
Mormon
7th day Adventist

I feel like that will help people understand where you’re coming from…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread needs to be contextualized. OP- are you white? There’s a different calculus if not. What denomination are we talking about?

Catholic
Episcopal
Methodist/Presbyterian/UCC/mainline Protestant
Non-denominational mega church
Mormon
7th day Adventist

I feel like that will help people understand where you’re coming from…

Pls explain why race is a factor.