Bff moving in

[Anonymous]

I made this mistake last year. I was 6 months separated and a friend was looking to leave her husband. She waxed poetic about how female empowerment and all the fun we would have.

She started dating a "friend" of hers the week she moved into my house, and left her kid with me every night, because hey, I was home anyway!

I learned a big lesson about boundaries. She started talking about how maybe we would live together for "years" and I had to say, um, no, and please move out as soon as possible. Thankfully she did.

You really need to think about this carefully. She won't even have her own room.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a bad idea but sometimes you need to try to save. I’d suggest 1000/700.

[Anonymous]

do not do this. break the lease if you need to financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

I actually haven't been doing Uber etc since winter break.
Substitute teaching pays 200-325 per day here. So I am doing better financially now that I've started that this year. There's a nearby district that pays 395 per day that we want to move closer to eventually. Luckily I'm in the best city for substitute teaching on the west coast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

My kids are in elementary school. Most days I teach at their school. I don't really need childcare, the after school program is free for when I go to high schools.

[Anonymous]

At the very least if you feel the need to do this (don't) then put together a month-to-month lease. If things sour and you don't have a lease then getting her out can be a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made this mistake last year. I was 6 months separated and a friend was looking to leave her husband. She waxed poetic about how female empowerment and all the fun we would have.

She started dating a "friend" of hers the week she moved into my house, and left her kid with me every night, because hey, I was home anyway!

I learned a big lesson about boundaries. She started talking about how maybe we would live together for "years" and I had to say, um, no, and please move out as soon as possible. Thankfully she did.

You really need to think about this carefully. She won't even have her own room.

Thanks for your insight. I don't plan on having her watch my kids, more just helping me when I'm home with them, but they are older and don't need much assistance besides some homework help and cooking for them. I don't leave my children with babysitters, though I would if it were an emergency.

But your friend sounds similar to mine with the female empowerment stuff. I'll keep it in mind while making my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

I actually haven't been doing Uber etc since winter break.
Substitute teaching pays 200-325 per day here. So I am doing better financially now that I've started that this year. There's a nearby district that pays 395 per day that we want to move closer to eventually. Luckily I'm in the best city for substitute teaching on the west coast.

Great! If all you need is more money, then earn more money. Maybe getting in a fast-track teacher certificate program with all this extra time from not gigging anymore is a solution. You’re doing better, and moving in with this weird entangled situation will move you backwards NOT forwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She obviously expects to share your bed more than “sometimes” when the alternative is sleeping on the couch in a tiny apartment with other people.

Very unfair to your kids.

And having new adults in the house and cats might reset your rent agreement as well, as soon as someone complains (which someone will do since a lot of people don’t like cats).

She would be added to my lease and agreed to be taken off if it doesn't work out. I trust she wouldn't stay where she is unwanted. Cats would be added as well.
Again, the apartment isn't tiny. It's quite large. And I am speaking as someone who grew up in a 5 bedroom home. It's big for a 2 bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

I actually haven't been doing Uber etc since winter break.
Substitute teaching pays 200-325 per day here. So I am doing better financially now that I've started that this year. There's a nearby district that pays 395 per day that we want to move closer to eventually. Luckily I'm in the best city for substitute teaching on the west coast.

Great! If all you need is more money, then earn more money. Maybe getting in a fast-track teacher certificate program with all this extra time from not gigging anymore is a solution. You’re doing better, and moving in with this weird entangled situation will move you backwards NOT forwards.

I have looked into this. My degree is not in teaching, so I would need a lot of school. My kids would have to be a bit older for me to be comfortable with that workload, especially if I can't do it all online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made this mistake last year. I was 6 months separated and a friend was looking to leave her husband. She waxed poetic about how female empowerment and all the fun we would have.

She started dating a "friend" of hers the week she moved into my house, and left her kid with me every night, because hey, I was home anyway!

I learned a big lesson about boundaries. She started talking about how maybe we would live together for "years" and I had to say, um, no, and please move out as soon as possible. Thankfully she did.

You really need to think about this carefully. She won't even have her own room.

Thanks for your insight. I don't plan on having her watch my kids, more just helping me when I'm home with them, but they are older and don't need much assistance besides some homework help and cooking for them. I don't leave my children with babysitters, though I would if it were an emergency.

But your friend sounds similar to mine with the female empowerment stuff. I'll keep it in mind while making my decision.

Yeah, she wanted me to be her coparent. And she paid me ZERO rent for the two months she lived with me. And she invited herself along to my family beach house.

Clearly all I could control was my own "no" and my boundaries. But this person is just a total mismatch for me . . . I like laidback people who never assume/always let you offer. That's how my other friends are.

I'm worried about her comment about how you can just share a bed. That's what my friend said when I told her the beachhouse wasn't big enough.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you cover the threesome in advance

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

If you need her to move in for financial assistance, then you may need air mattresses in your room for when your kids are over. If she’s truly a roommate she needs to have her own room.

If you’re not actively a couple it’s not good modeling for your kids if you and the friend share your bed and bedroom. If you’re a couple, that’s a totally different scenario and only you know what you’re comfortable with your kids.