Bff moving in

[Anonymous]

You are in the kids room and split 60/40 as you’ll have 3 ppl in the unit half the week. This is also sounding like a bad idea unless it’s impossible to make finances work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Don't do it. You had me at we had a romantic moment years ago; this could be confusing. Keep the friendship, don't live together.

This is going to get super super messy. And her sleeping on the couch is a terrible idea. You simply do not have the space for her to move in.

[Anonymous]

This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

[Anonymous]

Considering that you previously had a physical relationship with this person, are you sure that her moving in w/you ➕ your kids is a wise idea??

If you feel that you both have moved on from that & can be strictly platonic yes, $400-500 sounds fair.
But make sure no one (you + your kids) do not have any cat allergies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering that you previously had a physical relationship with this person, are you sure that her moving in w/you ➕ your kids is a wise idea??

If you feel that you both have moved on from that & can be strictly platonic yes, $400-500 sounds fair.
But make sure no one (you + your kids) do not have any cat allergies.

We go to her current apartment often and the cats haven't bothered us, but maybe being around them all the time might bring up issues?

Do you think she might expect more between us someday since she suggested we share the bed? The reason we stopped dating was because she wanted a child free life. But now she's talking about how she wants to help me raise them and be there for them forever as a trusted adult in their life, since she knows them better and loves them. I'm happy with just being friends, though I am still a bit attracted sometimes.

[Anonymous]

OP here. If my kids don't do well with the change, I will be asking her to find a new place. My kids comfort comes first. They seem to be okay with the idea so far. We don't have pets so they are excited about the cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering that you previously had a physical relationship with this person, are you sure that her moving in w/you ➕ your kids is a wise idea??

If you feel that you both have moved on from that & can be strictly platonic yes, $400-500 sounds fair.
But make sure no one (you + your kids) do not have any cat allergies.

We go to her current apartment often and the cats haven't bothered us, but maybe being around them all the time might bring up issues?

Do you think she might expect more between us someday since she suggested we share the bed? The reason we stopped dating was because she wanted a child free life. But now she's talking about how she wants to help me raise them and be there for them forever as a trusted adult in their life, since she knows them better and loves them. I'm happy with just being friends, though I am still a bit attracted sometimes.

Jesus Christ you’re a troll or just insane and don’t see the parade of red flags!!!!!!! No! Don’t do this!!!!

[Anonymous]

Nope. Don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh no - especially now that you’ve brought up the attraction/prior relationship. There are several red flags. She wants to help raise your children? That’s messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are some boundaries to suggest? Both 32F. I have 2 elementary aged kids, she has cats. My kids sleep here 3 nights a week, but I have them at some point during the day 6 days a week. (Co parent lives close). It's only a 2 bedroom, though it feels big to me when my kids are away, the rooms are large. We both make about 50k in a HCOL area, so finances play a big part.

She's offered to help with the kids, cooking/cleaning (I am not the most organized and make frozen food a lot). She said she will sleep on the couch while the kids are here, one of us can sleep in the kids room the other nights. Also suggested we share my bed sometimes (king size) though I'm unsure about that since we did hook up once when we first met years ago (both bi).

Terrible idea? Or good choice for a poor single mom? I wouldn't expect her to pay half of course since she doesn't get her own room and I have kids. Rent is 1700, what would be fair for her to pay? $500? She seems very hopeful and excited, but I'm a little more stressed. My children are great easy going kids, but she's still giving up her child free lifestyle.

It would be temporary until the lease is up, then we plan on renting a house with more bedrooms if things are working out. She's ok with finding a 1 bedroom if it doesn't work, but 1 bedrooms are 1600+ here. She's a very reasonable and loving person, and I can't afford this apartment by myself anymore, even though it's cheaper than most 2 bedrooms in the area.

If you trust her to be helpful and pay her share, try it. If it won't work out, move separately once the lease is up. She should pay $700. You pay $1000 and utilities.

Personally, I would rather rent a cheaper place by myself or do some side gigs to make more money to afford the existing one.However, you seem to need someone to help with money, chores and baby sitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

[Anonymous]

She obviously expects to share your bed more than “sometimes” when the alternative is sleeping on the couch in a tiny apartment with other people.

Very unfair to your kids.

And having new adults in the house and cats might reset your rent agreement as well, as soon as someone complains (which someone will do since a lot of people don’t like cats).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Get a side hustle to make more money. Be an Uber driver if you have to before you do this.

Already do spark, Uber eats, doordash, and substitute teaching lol. I'm all gigged out.

You’re poor because you are in the gig economy which is your main problem for which this cockamamie idea is not a solution.

I understand a lack childcare is probably why you’re cobbling together all these crappy jobs, but that is only temporary. Your kids will be in school soon. Getting one good job that pays well will help a lot. Just be patient and hold out for a little longer rather than moving this woman in. You seem to struggle with good decision making—let this be your first!

+1 That you’re poor because you make bad decisions, OP. We don’t make bad decisions and we’re all telling you that this is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering that you previously had a physical relationship with this person, are you sure that her moving in w/you ➕ your kids is a wise idea??

If you feel that you both have moved on from that & can be strictly platonic yes, $400-500 sounds fair.
But make sure no one (you + your kids) do not have any cat allergies.

We go to her current apartment often and the cats haven't bothered us, but maybe being around them all the time might bring up issues?

Do you think she might expect more between us someday since she suggested we share the bed? The reason we stopped dating was because she wanted a child free life. But now she's talking about how she wants to help me raise them and be there for them forever as a trusted adult in their life, since she knows them better and loves them. I'm happy with just being friends, though I am still a bit attracted sometimes.

This is exactly why this arrangement is a bad idea. This is going to muddy boundaries and end up being a disaster.