Bff moving in

[Anonymous]

What are some boundaries to suggest? Both 32F. I have 2 elementary aged kids, she has cats. My kids sleep here 3 nights a week, but I have them at some point during the day 6 days a week. (Co parent lives close). It's only a 2 bedroom, though it feels big to me when my kids are away, the rooms are large. We both make about 50k in a HCOL area, so finances play a big part.

She's offered to help with the kids, cooking/cleaning (I am not the most organized and make frozen food a lot). She said she will sleep on the couch while the kids are here, one of us can sleep in the kids room the other nights. Also suggested we share my bed sometimes (king size) though I'm unsure about that since we did hook up once when we first met years ago (both bi).

Terrible idea? Or good choice for a poor single mom? I wouldn't expect her to pay half of course since she doesn't get her own room and I have kids. Rent is 1700, what would be fair for her to pay? $500? She seems very hopeful and excited, but I'm a little more stressed. My children are great easy going kids, but she's still giving up her child free lifestyle.

It would be temporary until the lease is up, then we plan on renting a house with more bedrooms if things are working out. She's ok with finding a 1 bedroom if it doesn't work, but 1 bedrooms are 1600+ here. She's a very reasonable and loving person, and I can't afford this apartment by myself anymore, even though it's cheaper than most 2 bedrooms in the area.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a nightmare to me. So my answer is don't do it but I am not you...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do this unless you are so poor you are on the verge of getting evicted

I'd move with my kids to a one bedroom before I'd invite your friend to live with you in a two bedroom

[Anonymous]

This is a bad idea. All of it.
However, you’ve already agreed to it.
Good luck and keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do this unless you are so poor you are on the verge of getting evicted

I'd move with my kids to a one bedroom before I'd invite your friend to live with you in a two bedroom

The one bedrooms here are the same price as my apartment, maybe a hundred less. I am locked into a lower rate since I moved in years ago.

[Anonymous]

I would move the kids into your room, and she gets the 2nd bedroom. Then split the rent 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are some boundaries to suggest? Both 32F. I have 2 elementary aged kids, she has cats. My kids sleep here 3 nights a week, but I have them at some point during the day 6 days a week. (Co parent lives close). It's only a 2 bedroom, though it feels big to me when my kids are away, the rooms are large. We both make about 50k in a HCOL area, so finances play a big part.

She's offered to help with the kids, cooking/cleaning (I am not the most organized and make frozen food a lot). She said she will sleep on the couch while the kids are here, one of us can sleep in the kids room the other nights. Also suggested we share my bed sometimes (king size) though I'm unsure about that since we did hook up once when we first met years ago (both bi).

Terrible idea? Or good choice for a poor single mom? I wouldn't expect her to pay half of course since she doesn't get her own room and I have kids. Rent is 1700, what would be fair for her to pay? $500? She seems very hopeful and excited, but I'm a little more stressed. My children are great easy going kids, but she's still giving up her child free lifestyle.

It would be temporary until the lease is up, then we plan on renting a house with more bedrooms if things are working out. She's ok with finding a 1 bedroom if it doesn't work, but 1 bedrooms are 1600+ here. She's a very reasonable and loving person, and I can't afford this apartment by myself anymore, even though it's cheaper than most 2 bedrooms in the area.

Your #1 priority is your children, OP. Sounds like a disaster for them.

[Anonymous]

This is a nightmare, wait till a kid has cat allergies.

[Anonymous]

HELL NO. sounds awful to me. I'd move to the next town over for something cheaper before I did this.

[Anonymous]

No. Don't do it. You had me at we had a romantic moment years ago; this could be confusing. Keep the friendship, don't live together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Don't do it. You had me at we had a romantic moment years ago; this could be confusing. Keep the friendship, don't live together.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move the kids into your room, and she gets the 2nd bedroom. Then split the rent 50/50.

This is the only fair way.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. Cats spraying there new territory. This arrangement reminds me of that 8 passenger mom and guru friend. Don’t do this. Your kids will not be easy going with this disruption to their lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. Cats spraying there new territory. This arrangement reminds me of that 8 passenger mom and guru friend. Don’t do this. Your kids will not be easy going with this disruption to their lives

Somehow I don’t think just the cats are the problem. This is a massive cluster.

[Anonymous]

For as much boundary upholding and emotional management this will take, you might as well make it work with the father of your children and move him in. Dead serious.