getting away from a coach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience has been that many college coaches are like this. And while I don’t agree with it, that’s just the way it is.

Stick it out if you’re serious enough and talented enough to play in college. If neither of these are the case just play club and be done.

If she’s at a private school and likes it and it’s going to set her up to get into a good university I wouldn’t leave for lacrosse

You pick the wrong college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here.

Is it KJ? Or another one?

KJ is one of two it could be

Who is the other one? Want to avoid when considering HS.

See the 2026 Girls Lax WCAC + ISL Outlook thread for more info.

I don’t get why women treat other women this way. It does nothing.

Because grown adults at schools stand by and let them. And then preach to teenage girls to not act the same way.

This is clearly the one in Alexandria. Its been going on for years. The School administration is aware. The School Board is aware. The school counselors over the year are very aware as most of the players/girls are in therapy. Having multiples playing college lax this is not a way to get the girls ready for college. Its abuse and each family has to decide where the line is and how much do they want to put up with. Sad to say but fears of recruiting retaliation are real, and since most play on Capitol where her assistant hs coach and her former player run things, you can't rely on club lax as a fall back. The choice is simple - swallow hard and roll with it or give up the 'dream'.

.
This same story about the Alexandria/SR coaches seem to resurface every year especially around tryouts usually from the same type of families — frustration about playing time, roles, or team decisions that didn’t go the way some families hoped. Competitive programs are not designed to be comfortable environments. Coaches raise their voices, yell, give blunt feedback, bench players, and make difficult lineup choices. That is standard in serious athletics and exactly what players will encounter at any strong college program.Throwing around terms like “abuse” and “bullying” every time a coach is demanding, yells or holds players accountable doesn’t strengthen the argument — it weakens it. It turns normal coaching behavior into drama and then this victimhood mentality is taken on by these families/players.
If a family truly believes the environment is wrong for their player, the solution is simple: choose a different program or quit. But repeating unverified claims and portraying a competitive coach as abusive because the experience wasn’t ideal for everyone helps no one and reflects more on expectations than it does on the coach. SR &SSSAS HC are excellent but they are not the type of coach for EVERY PLAYER. Take your frustration, lies, exaggeration and false accusations somewhere else and let the rest of the families and players enjoy their experience at these programs.

[Anonymous]

SR wins because they have players whose talent makes up for the poor coaching. But it's glaring when she is outcoached.

They have a talented 2030 class so next year will be very interesting to see how they are managed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here.

Is it KJ? Or another one?

KJ is one of two it could be

Who is the other one? Want to avoid when considering HS.

See the 2026 Girls Lax WCAC + ISL Outlook thread for more info.

I don’t get why women treat other women this way. It does nothing.

Because grown adults at schools stand by and let them. And then preach to teenage girls to not act the same way.

This is clearly the one in Alexandria. Its been going on for years. The School administration is aware. The School Board is aware. The school counselors over the year are very aware as most of the players/girls are in therapy. Having multiples playing college lax this is not a way to get the girls ready for college. Its abuse and each family has to decide where the line is and how much do they want to put up with. Sad to say but fears of recruiting retaliation are real, and since most play on Capitol where her assistant hs coach and her former player run things, you can't rely on club lax as a fall back. The choice is simple - swallow hard and roll with it or give up the 'dream'.

.
This same story about the Alexandria/SR coaches seem to resurface every year especially around tryouts usually from the same type of families — frustration about playing time, roles, or team decisions that didn’t go the way some families hoped. Competitive programs are not designed to be comfortable environments. Coaches raise their voices, yell, give blunt feedback, bench players, and make difficult lineup choices. That is standard in serious athletics and exactly what players will encounter at any strong college program.Throwing around terms like “abuse” and “bullying” every time a coach is demanding, yells or holds players accountable doesn’t strengthen the argument — it weakens it. It turns normal coaching behavior into drama and then this victimhood mentality is taken on by these families/players.
If a family truly believes the environment is wrong for their player, the solution is simple: choose a different program or quit. But repeating unverified claims and portraying a competitive coach as abusive because the experience wasn’t ideal for everyone helps no one and reflects more on expectations than it does on the coach. SR &SSSAS HC are excellent but they are not the type of coach for EVERY PLAYER. Take your frustration, lies, exaggeration and false accusations somewhere else and let the rest of the families and players enjoy their experience at these programs.

It's funny, the OP didn't have any "frustration about playing time, roles, or team decisions that didn’t go the way some families hoped". They just described bullying and verbal abuse by a coach. Your response that people need to just accept that their 14-18 year old daughter should accept this or quit her sport is exactly why this is allowed to continue. A coach can be tough and demand excellence without sending half her players into therapy.

[Anonymous]

My daughter attends a different ISL school than the ones being discussed here. She often says that practices are tough or that she has to run when she gets in trouble, but I've never heard anything that sounds like bullying from her coach. Despite having other sources of stress in her life, thankfully, a bullying lacrosse coach isn't one of them. I'm honestly surprised by some of the reports about terrible coaching behavior. It's hard to believe this still happens, and even harder to imagine so many people turning a blind eye. So, I am having trouble believing it. I would like to point out that bullying and incompetence are separate issues, but both are unacceptable for different reasons. However, bullying demands immediate action for legal reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here.

+1
We all know who this is. She uses psychological manipulation and verbal abuse to make herself feel good. She says horrendous things to the players who aren’t her favorites. I know several girls playing D1 and they will tell you that playing for coach was an awful experience and nothing like college. Every single player hates her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here.

Is it KJ? Or another one?

KJ is one of two it could be

Who is the other one? Want to avoid when considering HS.

See the 2026 Girls Lax WCAC + ISL Outlook thread for more info.

I don’t get why women treat other women this way. It does nothing.

Because grown adults at schools stand by and let them. And then preach to teenage girls to not act the same way.

This is clearly the one in Alexandria. Its been going on for years. The School administration is aware. The School Board is aware. The school counselors over the year are very aware as most of the players/girls are in therapy. Having multiples playing college lax this is not a way to get the girls ready for college. Its abuse and each family has to decide where the line is and how much do they want to put up with. Sad to say but fears of recruiting retaliation are real, and since most play on Capitol where her assistant hs coach and her former player run things, you can't rely on club lax as a fall back. The choice is simple - swallow hard and roll with it or give up the 'dream'.

.
This same story about the Alexandria/SR coaches seem to resurface every year especially around tryouts usually from the same type of families — frustration about playing time, roles, or team decisions that didn’t go the way some families hoped. Competitive programs are not designed to be comfortable environments. Coaches raise their voices, yell, give blunt feedback, bench players, and make difficult lineup choices. That is standard in serious athletics and exactly what players will encounter at any strong college program.Throwing around terms like “abuse” and “bullying” every time a coach is demanding, yells or holds players accountable doesn’t strengthen the argument — it weakens it. It turns normal coaching behavior into drama and then this victimhood mentality is taken on by these families/players.
If a family truly believes the environment is wrong for their player, the solution is simple: choose a different program or quit. But repeating unverified claims and portraying a competitive coach as abusive because the experience wasn’t ideal for everyone helps no one and reflects more on expectations than it does on the coach. SR &SSSAS HC are excellent but they are not the type of coach for EVERY PLAYER. Take your frustration, lies, exaggeration and false accusations somewhere else and let the rest of the families and players enjoy their experience at these programs.

It's funny, the OP didn't have any "frustration about playing time, roles, or team decisions that didn’t go the way some families hoped". They just described bullying and verbal abuse by a coach. Your response that people need to just accept that their 14-18 year old daughter should accept this or quit her sport is exactly why this is allowed to continue. A coach can be tough and demand excellence without sending half her players into therapy.

Exactly. As adults we wouldn’t tolerate this abuse in a workplace or anywhere else so why should our daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure about the situation or who is involved, but it's important to recognize the distinction between tough coaching, which focuses on improving performance, and bullying, which is about exerting power. Bullying can often be identified through consistent targeting, personal attacks, public humiliation, intimidation, and denying any opportunity for success, especially when emotional harm is apparent. If a coach uses their authority to control, belittle, or silence instead of teaching, this issue must be addressed by the administration. Furthermore, parents who are aware of bullying have an ethical responsibility to intervene. Ultimately, what kind of man would stand by and allow a teenage girl to be bullied?

The male assistant coach would

[Anonymous]

If any of this was true or as bad as anonymously posted here, then these coaches would be gone, so do not believe any of this complaining, false accusations, and snowflake parents/players. Change schools and stop with the anonymous victimhood and bully claims. The HC and assistants at both schools are loved by most, if not all, of their players, and there will always be unhappy bench warmers or delusional parents/players on HS teams. Of course two of the best lax schools are always targets for this kind of online BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If any of this was true or as bad as anonymously posted here, then these coaches would be gone, so do not believe any of this complaining, false accusations, and snowflake parents/players. Change schools and stop with the anonymous victimhood and bully claims. The HC and assistants at both schools are loved by most, if not all, of their players, and there will always be unhappy bench warmers or delusional parents/players on HS teams. Of course two of the best lax schools are always targets for this kind of online BS.

Clearly it’s not “all”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid left SR years ago, played in college and want substituted out of a competitive game for her last two years. She’s terrible. One thing to yell, coach your ass off, and demand as much hard work and attention to detail as you put in. It’s another to miss practice, not install any offense, show up 10 minutes before games not watch any film and then yell at kids who have put in 10x more effort than you. That’s toxic not demanding. None of them seem to be that great, but she’s the worst. Always yelling at the refs too for nothing. I’m not convinced she knows the current rules.

This is the current SR coach?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid left SR years ago, played in college and want substituted out of a competitive game for her last two years. She’s terrible. One thing to yell, coach your ass off, and demand as much hard work and attention to detail as you put in. It’s another to miss practice, not install any offense, show up 10 minutes before games not watch any film and then yell at kids who have put in 10x more effort than you. That’s toxic not demanding. None of them seem to be that great, but she’s the worst. Always yelling at the refs too for nothing. I’m not convinced she knows the current rules.

This is a great summary of the SR Experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here.

+1
We all know who this is. She uses psychological manipulation and verbal abuse to make herself feel good. She says horrendous things to the players who aren’t her favorites. I know several girls playing D1 and they will tell you that playing for coach was an awful experience and nothing like college. Every single player hates her.

The girls stay away from her when they come home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any of this was true or as bad as anonymously posted here, then these coaches would be gone, so do not believe any of this complaining, false accusations, and snowflake parents/players. Change schools and stop with the anonymous victimhood and bully claims. The HC and assistants at both schools are loved by most, if not all, of their players, and there will always be unhappy bench warmers or delusional parents/players on HS teams. Of course two of the best lax schools are always targets for this kind of online BS.

Clearly it’s not “all”.

True, the coach has her favorites who do fine, but if she decides to pick on you or you're just not at the top of her list she will make your life difficult. Even the favorites live in fear of falling out of favor.

[Anonymous]

Ok. Op, time to close the thread or it just turns into another bash thread.