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getting away from a coach
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Anonymous
| My daughter is on a great club team but her high school coach is very difficult and after just two weeks of practices our daughter wants to quit. We love the school for other reasons and don't want to move her just due to the lacrosse coach. Can she just play for her club and skip the school team and still do ok with recruiting? I worry this coach is such a bully my daughter might quit the sport entirely if it means spending a few months with her every spring. |
Anonymous
| What does the coach do, exactly? |
Anonymous
| Constantly yelling, mostly very negative toward her players about how weak they are. Vaguely threatening to move anyone down for any reason "there are 3 other girls who want your spot", playing teammates off each other, playing favorites, telling girls they're losing playing time based on things she never mentioned, etc. I could go on. Basically our family dinner has turned into my daughter talking about how unhappy and anxious she is every night. She has had tough coaches who push her to the limit physically before and we all appreciate that, this is just psychological, physically the team isn't even that hard. |
Anonymous
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What’s the tenor of the coach? If she’s new, maybe that’s something the AD should be aware of. If she’s been around, college coaches likely know her issues anyways.
I’d advise just to try to play through it |
Anonymous
Sounds like you're discussing a private school, because you're not going to uplift your family and buy a new home to attend another public school. I don't want to be harsh, but this is probably what is to be expected at a lot of private HS teams, and a ton of college ones. Part of the lesson is: Coach isn't singling anyone out, this is the feedback that you and the entire team signed up to receive, you need to adjust to understand this is how it will be delivered and get from it what you can. Another person asked about how long the coach has been there, which is useful for you to know because if she's a new HC then perhaps the administration doesn't know. If she's been there before then it is tolerated. Older players can help your kid adjust to understand what's going on. I'm not suggesting you say to your kid "Suck it up", you absolutely want and need to validate her feelings, let her know you understand it is a big change and hard to hear that. Let that "hearing" sit with her, later on when she's more neutral bring up how she can adjust, what she's considered, etc. She's on the team now, the school year is nearly 75% done, might as well stick it out and make it work to the best she can for the situation. |
Anonymous
| Stick it out for the season as hard as that might be. The label of quitter is a hard one to shake. Consider a hard separation from the sport after the season |
Anonymous
Why not just stay on the club team and leave the high school team if she likes the sport itself? |
Anonymous
| This is exactly what the college coaches he's are going to be like. If she can't handle tough now... don't worry about being recruited. |
Anonymous
Because the OP referenced recruiting. If you flake out on your HS team then that is absolutely going to be an issue. |
Anonymous
Every college coach is going to be a manipulative bully? Every one? |
Anonymous
Perhaps, and that's a very small perhaps and only if the high school team is so awful and your child is so good not playing high school lax be considered okay. Your kid will have to attend as many camps and showcases in lieu of high school. If your child plays for a remotely respectable high school program, this will completely submarine her. If it's that serious, consider finding someone to film practice in secret and present it to the administration. |
Anonymous
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A lot of the coaches use outdated techniques that are psychologically abusive, and parents let them do it. What you describe, OP, is actually not OK, and yet this coach will never be fired and posters are telling that this is the norm.
What you can do, is take your child out of this group. Or explain to your child that if she withstands this environment, she will laugh at all the hectoring that her future bosses might ever dish out. But this is not, contrary to what a lot of adults believe, a good thing. One should not be trained as a minor to "withstand" abusive behavior. However, this is what kids need to deal with, given adults' failure to treat people correctly. |
Anonymous
No. Not all college coaches are like this. Very good ones can be tough and demanding without being demoralizing, threatening, humiliating or otherwise abusive. That foster a culture of respect. If the coach has been there for a long time the school very well knows about it, but feels they can’t do anything to get rid of a long time employee. It’s sad, but true that they will watch girls have breakdowns – top players – and not do anything about it - blame them for “drama” rather than the culture that’s been fostered top down. Playing in high school is important for maintaining skill and development so it’s probably not a good idea to not play for your school team. Consider transferring - no you will not be considered a flake. Plenty of girls have transferred to other schools, either better programs or places where they can get more time on the field or have a better fit. In the meantime keep a smile on your face. Since you’re posting here, you probably know that saying anything will likely only come back to hurt your child and they will be blamed and subsequently set up for failure. Hang in there and best of luck. |
Anonymous
| Everyone in this forum knows which coach is being discussed here. |
Anonymous
This isn't tough, this is mentally abusive and many players have left their sport due to coaches like this and some have committed suicide. Its 80s style coaching. There are far better ways to be to lead a team. |