AITA Asking family to accommodate

[Anonymous]

OP i've been on this forum for 15 years for my own SN kid. No one on here is going to tell you that you're the AH. This forum is very biased. The truth is that none of us can tell from your OP whether you're the AH or not. Of course you're describing things as black or white with your family being the AHs, but the truth is almost certainly more complicated. I've seen a lot of people on this forum have really unreasonable and unyielding views on how people should accommodate their SN kids. I have really good friends who have unreasonable expectations on how the world should bend to their kids. On the flip side, I've experienced some nasty responses to our own kid with SNs. So i get that some people can be horrible and unfair.

When you say that everyone in your family is terrible and unwelcoming, that makes me wonder if you're part of the problem. As another poster said, it's hard to imagine not being kind to a child from your own family. One nasty MIL or BIL, maybe i get, but where the whole family is rebuffing your supposedly neutral attempts to connect, I wonder how objective you're being and what they would have to say about this.

[Anonymous]

I would just stop seeing family in large groups. See them one-on-one or in very small groups in settings that work for your kid.

You or your partner (and other kids, if you have them) can go to the large events and the other can stay with your child that doesn't do well in those settings.

You need to take control of the situation not let it take control of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP i've been on this forum for 15 years for my own SN kid. No one on here is going to tell you that you're the AH. This forum is very biased. The truth is that none of us can tell from your OP whether you're the AH or not. Of course you're describing things as black or white with your family being the AHs, but the truth is almost certainly more complicated. I've seen a lot of people on this forum have really unreasonable and unyielding views on how people should accommodate their SN kids. I have really good friends who have unreasonable expectations on how the world should bend to their kids. On the flip side, I've experienced some nasty responses to our own kid with SNs. So i get that some people can be horrible and unfair.

When you say that everyone in your family is terrible and unwelcoming, that makes me wonder if you're part of the problem. As another poster said, it's hard to imagine not being kind to a child from your own family. One nasty MIL or BIL, maybe i get, but where the whole family is rebuffing your supposedly neutral attempts to connect, I wonder how objective you're being and what they would have to say about this.

+1 I've been here 15 years too. What are the family events and what are the scheduling considerations? What accommodations did you ask for? Where are the events taking place? Do you know why they said no? Also, how old is your DD? When is the last time she saw the grandparents? What do they know about her? How often do you talk with them? What are the schedules for these family events and what accommodations did you ask for? Where are they taking place? Do you know why they said no?

How old is your DD? When is the last time she saw the grandparents? Can you FaceTime them with your DD? What do they know about her? How often do you talk with them? Is there a sibling too, or is this an issue with the older generation? Too many unknowns to know if you're TA.