I'm preparing to support my kids financially forever

[Anonymous]

I'm a fed, so I'm going to live off on SS and pension and using my $5 mil TSP/401k to support my kids forever and ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my parents started sharing their gifting plan, one of my siblings’ spouses suddenly wanted to stop working and be a SAHD. He was “burnt out”. Another sibling-in-law started sending even more money to their own parents.

I do think it’s tricky to help adult children be motivated to work and save and build generational wealth when they know how much is waiting in a trust for them.

My parents have made things available to us only at age 55 (can withdraw 5%/year starting then) and have paid for a home down payment and our kids educations. This is a huge gift, and allows us to afford to live in a better neighborhood and still max out TSP etc. We know if we stopped working we would have to significantly change our lifestyle. My SIL still tries to mooch as much as she can and seems personally offended that she and her husband have to work to earn a living when the $$ is “right there!”.

Our goal is to not have to touch the trust at all, and transfer the $$ to our kids. Because we had a downpayment and don’t have to pay for the kids’ college/med school, we will be debt free early on and able to fund our own kids’ early adulthood in a similar (perhaps more generous) fashion.

AI isn’t factoring into our decision making, and I think you wld need a lot more $$$$ than we have to fund a never ever work kind of adulthood. I also don’t think that is a life that I’d want for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be very cautious in attending college at this point. Inexpensive/in state schools only. Whatever you can afford without massive loans. No majoring in: computer science, accounting, and absolutely nothing writing/liberal arts-related. But it seems that health care majors, education, and some engineering is safer.

But really the best bet seems to be going into a career/trade or more blue collar field. It still requires specialized education and training. Even for factory jobs. But it seems like we’re going to just say that robots can write our news articles and our books, do our taxes, analyze data, etc. because computing power is cheap - but they can’t do electrical or plumbing work, or fix a car engine, or do the physical labor of attending to patients at a hospital, or do the whole assembly of a car at a big auto factory. Honestly the safest bet if a kid can handle it seems to be joining the military …

Even military is changing to drones and AI. Not long before robot soldiers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the rise of AI, I'm realizing that I will need to support my kids financially forever. We are stopping at 2 kids. I'm a doctor and I think aspects of my job are safe but the competition to get into medicine and other AI saf(ish) jobs will be too much. I'm expecting to pay for downpayment, my grandkids, etc. Are you all planning accordingly?

Well, no shit. Since we are not going to live forever...maybe another 20 years (till 80) if we have a good running, we are not thinking forever. But, here is our plan.

- continue living a MC life even though we are UMC.
- pay fully for college (and college years), and make sure that they go to state flagship on merit scholarship. No use wasting money on expensive college when jobs are going to go away. Make them major in in-demand major. Encourage them to continue to get more education and skills to become more resilient.
- pay fully for their wedding.
- pay fully for setting up their first rented apartment when they get a job in another city - furniture, furnishing, gadgets and appliances, all digital devices, sports gear, exercise gear, luggage, first professional wardrobe. First 6 months of rent. New car. 20K seed money.
- let the kids stay free with us in our home for as long as they want. Including their spouse and kids. If they want to stay forever? Ok.
- provide childcare, pay for a nanny and cleaner if they are living away from us and have small kids.
- let them stay on our medical insurance until they are 25. Even if they are working.
- make them bank 2 years of their salary first, before they get married. encourage them to find the right partner and marry early. encourage them to date for marriage.
- be open to building an ADU in our backyard or extending our house.
- let our savings remain as is, live/save our fat pension, give them the non-taxable cash gift each year.

This is pretty much basic stuff my Italian family did and many immigrants do. Except paying for kids to live in another city.

Ha ha! Right?

I exaggerated that bit to make you-know-who people with FOMO foam at their mouths. But, kid out of college moves to another city because they got a well-paying job? Family conferences, gives their opinions, collaborates, cousins and uncles helps them move and basics are provided - pots and pans, dinnerware, vacuum cleaner, bedding, (pepper spray and airtags - if it is a girl), checks the security of the apartment. And over the next year or so, sometimes family drops in too...just checking and taking them for meals etc. All of this ...pre-AI

[Anonymous]

That's nice. Our children already have generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the rise of AI, I'm realizing that I will need to support my kids financially forever. We are stopping at 2 kids. I'm a doctor and I think aspects of my job are safe but the competition to get into medicine and other AI saf(ish) jobs will be too much. I'm expecting to pay for downpayment, my grandkids, etc. Are you all planning accordingly?

Well, no shit. Since we are not going to live forever...maybe another 20 years (till 80) if we have a good running, we are not thinking forever. But, here is our plan.

- continue living a MC life even though we are UMC.
- pay fully for college (and college years), and make sure that they go to state flagship on merit scholarship. No use wasting money on expensive college when jobs are going to go away. Make them major in in-demand major. Encourage them to continue to get more education and skills to become more resilient.
- pay fully for their wedding.
- pay fully for setting up their first rented apartment when they get a job in another city - furniture, furnishing, gadgets and appliances, all digital devices, sports gear, exercise gear, luggage, first professional wardrobe. First 6 months of rent. New car. 20K seed money.
- let the kids stay free with us in our home for as long as they want. Including their spouse and kids. If they want to stay forever? Ok.
- provide childcare, pay for a nanny and cleaner if they are living away from us and have small kids.
- let them stay on our medical insurance until they are 25. Even if they are working.
- make them bank 2 years of their salary first, before they get married. encourage them to find the right partner and marry early. encourage them to date for marriage.
- be open to building an ADU in our backyard or extending our house.
- let our savings remain as is, live/save our fat pension, give them the non-taxable cash gift each year.

How exactly are you going to MAKE your adult children do anything with their money? You are way too enmeshed.

Enmeshing is how my people do it all. Rise up even in adversity. Joking.

You begin by making sure that you have not raised stupid kids. That they are top students and that they are financially literate and that they are super resilient. Also, once they go to college and see how the stupids and their unfunctional parents go through life, they realize that they have it very good.

My adult children listen to me, because your adult children do not listen to you. Your adult children are the living example of how poor financial planning by parents suck the life out of a person and blights their future. You, your adult children and your combined decision-making abilities + dysfunctionality = best dose of reality of my adult children. So - Thank You! Please continue to mess up.

So, when they learn how to invest amd see their money grow, when they understand the power of compounding, when you let them stay at your house for free for a few years so that they can bank all their money - some in retirement and some in investments, when they convert their leftover money in 529 (because of merit money) to Roth in their name, when they don't have debt, when they don't have a car payment, when they have an amazing wedding they did not pay for ...they begin to realize that they are ahead.

While, their friends are struggling to pay off debt, they are just banking their money. Their lifestyle on the surface is not different from their friends - they are still going for cheap vacations and eating at that hole in the wall place like others - except my kids are secretly rich. And if tomorrow they don't have a job - they can still live, get married and have a kid or so.

Furthermore, nothing erodes a young marriage faster than poor income or no savings. You want your kids to marry, have kids...they need to be financially solvent and also have a financial cushion. When you help your kids financially and cover college, wedding, car etc - they are aware that their friends are not in the same situation because their parents did not plan well. So, when you say - 2 years of salary goes in the bank before you enter into a marriage - they understand the plan.

[Anonymous]

Enough with the ai nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the rise of AI, I'm realizing that I will need to support my kids financially forever. We are stopping at 2 kids. I'm a doctor and I think aspects of my job are safe but the competition to get into medicine and other AI saf(ish) jobs will be too much. I'm expecting to pay for downpayment, my grandkids, etc. Are you all planning accordingly?

Well, no shit. Since we are not going to live forever...maybe another 20 years (till 80) if we have a good running, we are not thinking forever. But, here is our plan.

- continue living a MC life even though we are UMC.
- pay fully for college (and college years), and make sure that they go to state flagship on merit scholarship. No use wasting money on expensive college when jobs are going to go away. Make them major in in-demand major. Encourage them to continue to get more education and skills to become more resilient.
- pay fully for their wedding.
- pay fully for setting up their first rented apartment when they get a job in another city - furniture, furnishing, gadgets and appliances, all digital devices, sports gear, exercise gear, luggage, first professional wardrobe. First 6 months of rent. New car. 20K seed money.
- let the kids stay free with us in our home for as long as they want. Including their spouse and kids. If they want to stay forever? Ok.
- provide childcare, pay for a nanny and cleaner if they are living away from us and have small kids.
- let them stay on our medical insurance until they are 25. Even if they are working.
- make them bank 2 years of their salary first, before they get married. encourage them to find the right partner and marry early. encourage them to date for marriage.
- be open to building an ADU in our backyard or extending our house.
- let our savings remain as is, live/save our fat pension, give them the non-taxable cash gift each year.

How exactly are you going to MAKE your adult children do anything with their money? You are way too enmeshed.

Enmeshing is how my people do it all. Rise up even in adversity. Joking.

You begin by making sure that you have not raised stupid kids. That they are top students and that they are financially literate and that they are super resilient. Also, once they go to college and see how the stupids and their unfunctional parents go through life, they realize that they have it very good.

My adult children listen to me, because your adult children do not listen to you. Your adult children are the living example of how poor financial planning by parents suck the life out of a person and blights their future. You, your adult children and your combined decision-making abilities + dysfunctionality = best dose of reality of my adult children. So - Thank You! Please continue to mess up.

So, when they learn how to invest amd see their money grow, when they understand the power of compounding, when you let them stay at your house for free for a few years so that they can bank all their money - some in retirement and some in investments, when they convert their leftover money in 529 (because of merit money) to Roth in their name, when they don't have debt, when they don't have a car payment, when they have an amazing wedding they did not pay for ...they begin to realize that they are ahead.

While, their friends are struggling to pay off debt, they are just banking their money. Their lifestyle on the surface is not different from their friends - they are still going for cheap vacations and eating at that hole in the wall place like others - except my kids are secretly rich. And if tomorrow they don't have a job - they can still live, get married and have a kid or so.

Furthermore, nothing erodes a young marriage faster than poor income or no savings. You want your kids to marry, have kids...they need to be financially solvent and also have a financial cushion. When you help your kids financially and cover college, wedding, car etc - they are aware that their friends are not in the same situation because their parents did not plan well. So, when you say - 2 years of salary goes in the bank before you enter into a marriage - they understand the plan.

1. I don't have adult children, so your little wet dream that they are dysfunctional as compared to your perfect adult children is just that, a fantasy.
2. I don't care if my kids get married or have kids.
3. If you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's nice. Our children already have generational wealth.

Generational wealth can be created in each generation. Even if you start with nothing but just education and a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be very cautious in attending college at this point. Inexpensive/in state schools only. Whatever you can afford without massive loans. No majoring in: computer science, accounting, and absolutely nothing writing/liberal arts-related. But it seems that health care majors, education, and some engineering is safer.

But really the best bet seems to be going into a career/trade or more blue collar field. It still requires specialized education and training. Even for factory jobs. But it seems like we’re going to just say that robots can write our news articles and our books, do our taxes, analyze data, etc. because computing power is cheap - but they can’t do electrical or plumbing work, or fix a car engine, or do the physical labor of attending to patients at a hospital, or do the whole assembly of a car at a big auto factory. Honestly the safest bet if a kid can handle it seems to be joining the military …

Even military is changing to drones and AI. Not long before robot soldiers.

Drones yes, absolutely the wave of the future. Robot soldiers … I can’t see it anytime soon. We all thought automation would come to factory and manual labor type jobs and that the white collar workers would be perfectly safe. Meanwhile, the exact opposite has happened … sadly.

[Anonymous]

Not planning to support them financially past college.
19-year old is already working while in school. My kids don't need a leg up. Most help would be overkill and come across an invasion of privacy.
I'm an immigrant. We don't do houses and weddings. I may end up being a babysitter for some grandkids one day, but not because of money.
Independence is the goal in my culture. Our family are small and kids got to find their clan outside of family.
Kids being out of the house early is expected and valued. He got out at 18 and loves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the rise of AI, I'm realizing that I will need to support my kids financially forever. We are stopping at 2 kids. I'm a doctor and I think aspects of my job are safe but the competition to get into medicine and other AI saf(ish) jobs will be too much. I'm expecting to pay for downpayment, my grandkids, etc. Are you all planning accordingly?

Well, no shit. Since we are not going to live forever...maybe another 20 years (till 80) if we have a good running, we are not thinking forever. But, here is our plan.

- continue living a MC life even though we are UMC.
- pay fully for college (and college years), and make sure that they go to state flagship on merit scholarship. No use wasting money on expensive college when jobs are going to go away. Make them major in in-demand major. Encourage them to continue to get more education and skills to become more resilient.
- pay fully for their wedding.
- pay fully for setting up their first rented apartment when they get a job in another city - furniture, furnishing, gadgets and appliances, all digital devices, sports gear, exercise gear, luggage, first professional wardrobe. First 6 months of rent. New car. 20K seed money.
- let the kids stay free with us in our home for as long as they want. Including their spouse and kids. If they want to stay forever? Ok.
- provide childcare, pay for a nanny and cleaner if they are living away from us and have small kids.
- let them stay on our medical insurance until they are 25. Even if they are working.
- make them bank 2 years of their salary first, before they get married. encourage them to find the right partner and marry early. encourage them to date for marriage.
- be open to building an ADU in our backyard or extending our house.
- let our savings remain as is, live/save our fat pension, give them the non-taxable cash gift each year.

How exactly are you going to MAKE your adult children do anything with their money? You are way too enmeshed.

Enmeshing is how my people do it all. Rise up even in adversity. Joking.

You begin by making sure that you have not raised stupid kids. That they are top students and that they are financially literate and that they are super resilient. Also, once they go to college and see how the stupids and their unfunctional parents go through life, they realize that they have it very good.

My adult children listen to me, because your adult children do not listen to you. Your adult children are the living example of how poor financial planning by parents suck the life out of a person and blights their future. You, your adult children and your combined decision-making abilities + dysfunctionality = best dose of reality of my adult children. So - Thank You! Please continue to mess up.

So, when they learn how to invest amd see their money grow, when they understand the power of compounding, when you let them stay at your house for free for a few years so that they can bank all their money - some in retirement and some in investments, when they convert their leftover money in 529 (because of merit money) to Roth in their name, when they don't have debt, when they don't have a car payment, when they have an amazing wedding they did not pay for ...they begin to realize that they are ahead.

While, their friends are struggling to pay off debt, they are just banking their money. Their lifestyle on the surface is not different from their friends - they are still going for cheap vacations and eating at that hole in the wall place like others - except my kids are secretly rich. And if tomorrow they don't have a job - they can still live, get married and have a kid or so.

Furthermore, nothing erodes a young marriage faster than poor income or no savings. You want your kids to marry, have kids...they need to be financially solvent and also have a financial cushion. When you help your kids financially and cover college, wedding, car etc - they are aware that their friends are not in the same situation because their parents did not plan well. So, when you say - 2 years of salary goes in the bank before you enter into a marriage - they understand the plan.

1. I don't have adult children, so your little wet dream that they are dysfunctional as compared to your perfect adult children is just that, a fantasy.
You don't have adult children, then why are you triggered? Take it as a challenge that your young kids will not grow up dysfunctional, uneducated, without goals or poor. Prepare them for a good future.
I mean you are a mammal, correct? Normal to wish for your progeny to have a better future than what you have and plan for it, no? Or are you a snake? Lays the eggs and then - bye, bye?

2. I don't care if my kids get married or have kids.
Very good. So you don't have a plan for them. You had children..because?? Your reason for having kids was just a combo of accident and whim or was there some deeper need to have a family? And why would you not want the same for your children?

3. If you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans.
I block your curses. May it all be deflected on to you. Also, God helps those who help themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not planning to support them financially past college.
19-year old is already working while in school. My kids don't need a leg up. Most help would be overkill and come across an invasion of privacy.
I'm an immigrant. We don't do houses and weddings. I may end up being a babysitter for some grandkids one day, but not because of money.
Independence is the goal in my culture. Our family are small and kids got to find their clan outside of family.
Kids being out of the house early is expected and valued. He got out at 18 and loves it.

ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the ai nonsense.

[Anonymous]

This thread is bizarre.

I hope to help our young adult children IN SOME WAY -- but we can't and won't go over the top like some of these posts suggest.

For example, I'd pay a deposit on an apartment or a car -- I wouldn't buy it outright.

I feel for this generation, but our generation has to protect ourselves financially. And theirs has to learn to look out for themselves.