What constitutes a Betrayal in marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only cheating is betrayal, others are issues that can be communicated and resolved-may result in separation but still not the way cheating does.

False. I didn’t want kids. My ex h forced it. We agreed no kids before marriage. That is a worse betrayal that cheating.

If someone completely undermine the grounds in which the relationship was set, that’s a betrayal. Another example would be geographic like somebody who move somewhere promising to move back and then they refuse to move. These are on par with cheating because it literally ruins your life. I would argue that it’s worse than cheating because if it’s just cheating, it doesn’t ruin other parts of your life in the same way you can just get a divorce and stay where you are or you can just get a divorce and you wanted kids anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's a good idea to participate in pre marital counseling so if there's a mismatch in the fundamentals you find out before hand.

You do realize that people lie to get married, right? That’s not always effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only cheating is betrayal, others are issues that can be communicated and resolved-may result in separation but still not the way cheating does.

False. I didn’t want kids. My ex h forced it. We agreed no kids before marriage. That is a worse betrayal that cheating.

If someone completely undermine the grounds in which the relationship was set, that’s a betrayal. Another example would be geographic like somebody who move somewhere promising to move back and then they refuse to move. These are on par with cheating because it literally ruins your life. I would argue that it’s worse than cheating because if it’s just cheating, it doesn’t ruin other parts of your life in the same way you can just get a divorce and stay where you are or you can just get a divorce and you wanted kids anyway.

How did he force you to have children? Did he sabotage your birth control? Did you not get sterilized? Did he adopt without you? Did he hire a surrogate? Did he rape you and then make you stay at home for 9 months so you couldn't get an abortion? Did he have a child with another woman?

Really, really tell me.

[Anonymous]

Another example: my ex said after we were married that he didn’t believe in God that was a huge betrayal and far worse than cheating. Same ex who forced a pregnancy when he had agreed no kids.

I could’ve easily forgiven cheating over either of these two things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only cheating is betrayal, others are issues that can be communicated and resolved-may result in separation but still not the way cheating does.

False. I didn’t want kids. My ex h forced it. We agreed no kids before marriage. That is a worse betrayal that cheating.

If someone completely undermine the grounds in which the relationship was set, that’s a betrayal. Another example would be geographic like somebody who move somewhere promising to move back and then they refuse to move. These are on par with cheating because it literally ruins your life. I would argue that it’s worse than cheating because if it’s just cheating, it doesn’t ruin other parts of your life in the same way you can just get a divorce and stay where you are or you can just get a divorce and you wanted kids anyway.

How did he force you to have children? Did he sabotage your birth control? Did you not get sterilized? Did he adopt without you? Did he hire a surrogate? Did he rape you and then make you stay at home for 9 months so you couldn't get an abortion? Did he have a child with another woman?

Really, really tell me.

I had just been in the hospital and was really sick. He was badgering me until I gave in despite me saying several times I don’t want to get pregnant. I was off the pill for only two days because I was really sick on antibiotics and could barely move. He knew exactly what he was doing. I was also geographically trapped for eight years and I couldn’t leave because I could not risk staying in that state because I would never be able to get out and my job was not in that state. He lied in my opinion just to get married. Once he had me literally trapped in a state that I didn’t want to be in then the truth came out. This is far worse than cheating ever could’ve been because it ruined my life and ruined me from having a chance with somebody else. A kid traps you dealing with them and the other parent with these bullshit 50-50 custody laws for their entire childhood. I would’ve taken cheating any day of the week over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only cheating is betrayal, others are issues that can be communicated and resolved-may result in separation but still not the way cheating does.

False. I didn’t want kids. My ex h forced it. We agreed no kids before marriage. That is a worse betrayal that cheating.

If someone completely undermine the grounds in which the relationship was set, that’s a betrayal. Another example would be geographic like somebody who move somewhere promising to move back and then they refuse to move. These are on par with cheating because it literally ruins your life. I would argue that it’s worse than cheating because if it’s just cheating, it doesn’t ruin other parts of your life in the same way you can just get a divorce and stay where you are or you can just get a divorce and you wanted kids anyway.

How did he force you to have children? Did he sabotage your birth control? Did you not get sterilized? Did he adopt without you? Did he hire a surrogate? Did he rape you and then make you stay at home for 9 months so you couldn't get an abortion? Did he have a child with another woman?

Really, really tell me.

I had just been in the hospital and was really sick. He was badgering me until I gave in despite me saying several times I don’t want to get pregnant. I was off the pill for only two days because I was really sick on antibiotics and could barely move. He knew exactly what he was doing. I was also geographically trapped for eight years and I couldn’t leave because I could not risk staying in that state because I would never be able to get out and my job was not in that state. He lied in my opinion just to get married. Once he had me literally trapped in a state that I didn’t want to be in then the truth came out. This is far worse than cheating ever could’ve been because it ruined my life and ruined me from having a chance with somebody else. A kid traps you dealing with them and the other parent with these bullshit 50-50 custody laws for their entire childhood. I would’ve taken cheating any day of the week over this.

Are you still trapped w this person ?

[Anonymous]

How awful, PP. I'm so sad to hear that someone would manipulate someone who loves them like that. Damn. And I agree with you that what your husband did was far more impactful relative to sleeping with someone he wasn't in love with. I've seen this happen with the genders in reverse. A former good friend of mine "accidentally" got pregnant with a guy who wouldn't commit to her, knowing full well that he would not be able to stomach having a baby mama out in the world and that he'd agree to marry her, which he did. He is a shitty husband but frankly, she deserves it after trapping him. He's in a career position where it's untenable to not be married and stay married to the mother of your children. So, they both know he isn't ever divorcing her, but they both know she won't ever divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only cheating is betrayal, others are issues that can be communicated and resolved-may result in separation but still not the way cheating does.

False. I didn’t want kids. My ex h forced it. We agreed no kids before marriage. That is a worse betrayal that cheating.

If someone completely undermine the grounds in which the relationship was set, that’s a betrayal. Another example would be geographic like somebody who move somewhere promising to move back and then they refuse to move. These are on par with cheating because it literally ruins your life. I would argue that it’s worse than cheating because if it’s just cheating, it doesn’t ruin other parts of your life in the same way you can just get a divorce and stay where you are or you can just get a divorce and you wanted kids anyway.

How did he force you to have children? Did he sabotage your birth control? Did you not get sterilized? Did he adopt without you? Did he hire a surrogate? Did he rape you and then make you stay at home for 9 months so you couldn't get an abortion? Did he have a child with another woman?

Really, really tell me.

I had just been in the hospital and was really sick. He was badgering me until I gave in despite me saying several times I don’t want to get pregnant. I was off the pill for only two days because I was really sick on antibiotics and could barely move. He knew exactly what he was doing. I was also geographically trapped for eight years and I couldn’t leave because I could not risk staying in that state because I would never be able to get out and my job was not in that state. He lied in my opinion just to get married. Once he had me literally trapped in a state that I didn’t want to be in then the truth came out. This is far worse than cheating ever could’ve been because it ruined my life and ruined me from having a chance with somebody else. A kid traps you dealing with them and the other parent with these bullshit 50-50 custody laws for their entire childhood. I would’ve taken cheating any day of the week over this.

Are you still trapped w this person ?

I initiated a divorce as soon as I was geographically able to. I was married for 10 years. Divorced for 6. But it never ends with coparenting until college. But at least I am no longer married.