How do people who aren’t rich help their parents?

[Anonymous]

*question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

Medicaid is a federal program.

[Anonymous]

What state?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

So you are actually your parents caregiver which of course comes with elder abuse liability. Being a child who has a limited relationship with a parent out of state who from what I am reading-was never a main parent is not remotely equivalent. I imagine if any of these cases are taken to court they would be thrown out pretty quickly. I wonder if they base things on like “your father paid 200k for your college education and you owe that back to him” kind of thing? I imagine if there isn’t any provable financial support it really doesn’t have a chance of being substantiated.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you would feel a little bit guilty over this, but know that this IS your Father’s complete doing & only he can help himself. 😀

[Anonymous]

You say no, repeatedly. I’ve had multiple social workers try to guilt me into helping my mother in various untenable ways. It’s not fun, but clearly and firmly saying no gets less difficult with practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state?

NJ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

Medicaid is a federal program.

For seniors its long term care medicaid and its administered by the states so the benefits are different in every state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You contact a social worker or your county department of aging and ask them how they can help

Thanks. Is this free? Or is this something you pay an hourly rate for?

Area Office on Aging or County Department of Aging are free. They can do a benefits checkup to see if he qualifies for any kind of assistance.

Also if he served in the military see if the VA can help at all. I have a relative who is getting some kind of monthly payment from a charity associated with the VFW or American Legion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

So you are actually your parents caregiver which of course comes with elder abuse liability. Being a child who has a limited relationship with a parent out of state who from what I am reading-was never a main parent is not remotely equivalent. I imagine if any of these cases are taken to court they would be thrown out pretty quickly. I wonder if they base things on like “your father paid 200k for your college education and you owe that back to him” kind of thing? I imagine if there isn’t any provable financial support it really doesn’t have a chance of being substantiated.

My husband moved out when he was 16, and we still took care of her.

[Anonymous]

Also, Meals on Wheels or food pantries may help. Then he'll have more money for medical stuff.

[Anonymous]

What does he actually need help with? His monthly income is too high to qualify for other help, doesn’t seem like he should be struggling.

You brought three children into the world, your obligation is to the humans you’ve created, not someone else’s poor financial decisions. So yes, when he asks for money you say you have 3 kids and can’t afford to help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

So you are actually your parents caregiver which of course comes with elder abuse liability. Being a child who has a limited relationship with a parent out of state who from what I am reading-was never a main parent is not remotely equivalent. I imagine if any of these cases are taken to court they would be thrown out pretty quickly. I wonder if they base things on like “your father paid 200k for your college education and you owe that back to him” kind of thing? I imagine if there isn’t any provable financial support it really doesn’t have a chance of being substantiated.

My husband moved out when he was 16, and we still took care of her.

completely not relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he actually need help with? His monthly income is too high to qualify for other help, doesn’t seem like he should be struggling.

You brought three children into the world, your obligation is to the humans you’ve created, not someone else’s poor financial decisions. So yes, when he asks for money you say you have 3 kids and can’t afford to help him.

So the issue is that he is just over the threshold for medicaid so it’s not like he is bringing in a high income with his SS. And medicare doesn’t cover everything so for example there are medications he needs that aren’t completely covered and he sometimes needs to pay a significant amount out of pocket. Basically any unexpected expense is a problem.