How do people who aren’t rich help their parents?

[Anonymous]

My father has made bad financial decisions his entire life and now that he is older and hasn’t taken good care of himself at all-he is now having some significant medical and financial problems. The problem is his social security payment puts him above the threshold for medicaid. So he has medicare but that’s it. I have 3 kids that I need to support and I simply don’t have extra to be taking care of a whole other person as well. I am constantly getting guilted into helping financially. I simply can’t without jeopardizing my own children’s future. How do I navigate this? Just simply say I can’t help? My Father has no savings and no assets. I am an only child and to clarify I’m not local, I live about 5 hours away.

Also for some context-He wasn’t my main parent and we aren’t particularly close nor was he an involved father. Like financially he barely helped with anything. I’ve only seen him a couple times a year since I was young.

[Anonymous]

You are being manipulated

Figure out what you are willing to do and stick with it. Cut off conversation if he persists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being manipulated

Figure out what you are willing to do and stick with it. Cut off conversation if he persists.

Yes, unfortunately, this.

You could help him find a cheaper place to live?
Help him create a budget so he can live on his SS?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to help someone like this, whether or not you have money. You are responsible for your kids- worry about them, not your dad.

[Anonymous]

You contact a social worker or your county department of aging and ask them how they can help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You contact a social worker or your county department of aging and ask them how they can help

Thanks. Is this free? Or is this something you pay an hourly rate for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being manipulated

Figure out what you are willing to do and stick with it. Cut off conversation if he persists.

Yes, unfortunately, this.

You could help him find a cheaper place to live?
Help him create a budget so he can live on his SS?

His rent is already very cheap and he has terrible credit so finding a new place would be very hard, especially one that is even less expensive than what he has currently.

I do know there is manipulation at play here, I think it’s more I have a hard time when i’m presented with a scenario in which he acts like if I don’t help he will simply go without (medication, help with car repairs etc…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father has made bad financial decisions his entire life and now that he is older and hasn’t taken good care of himself at all-he is now having some significant medical and financial problems. The problem is his social security payment puts him above the threshold for medicaid. So he has medicare but that’s it. I have 3 kids that I need to support and I simply don’t have extra to be taking care of a whole other person as well. I am constantly getting guilted into helping financially. I simply can’t without jeopardizing my own children’s future. How do I navigate this? Just simply say I can’t help? My Father has no savings and no assets. I am an only child and to clarify I’m not local, I live about 5 hours away.

Also for some context-He wasn’t my main parent and we aren’t particularly close nor was he an involved father. Like financially he barely helped with anything. I’ve only seen him a couple times a year since I was young.

Match energies

[Anonymous]

If he broke and sick, why does he need a car?
He has yet to cut back. No need to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being manipulated

Figure out what you are willing to do and stick with it. Cut off conversation if he persists.

Yes, unfortunately, this.

You could help him find a cheaper place to live?
Help him create a budget so he can live on his SS?

His rent is already very cheap and he has terrible credit so finding a new place would be very hard, especially one that is even less expensive than what he has currently.

I do know there is manipulation at play here, I think it’s more I have a hard time when i’m presented with a scenario in which he acts like if I don’t help he will simply go without (medication, help with car repairs etc…)

Being a good parent comes before being a daughter, even more so if the father was not very involved with you. This isn't about being too nice. You have to have boundaries and protect your own family you created. These are his issues. If he ends up in the hospital, they aren't going to release him to an unsafe situation. If he can't afford things, he needs to discuss that with a county social worker. You could also find out if Adult Protectivr Services can help him. They may know resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to help someone like this, whether or not you have money. You are responsible for your kids- worry about them, not your dad.

This. He made his bed. Just pray that his life doesn't drag on for years and years.

[Anonymous]

You need to say:

I cannot afford to help you.

Repeat, repeat repeat. And, don't give an explanation beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being manipulated

Figure out what you are willing to do and stick with it. Cut off conversation if he persists.

Yes, unfortunately, this.

You could help him find a cheaper place to live?
Help him create a budget so he can live on his SS?

His rent is already very cheap and he has terrible credit so finding a new place would be very hard, especially one that is even less expensive than what he has currently.

I do know there is manipulation at play here, I think it’s more I have a hard time when i’m presented with a scenario in which he acts like if I don’t help he will simply go without (medication, help with car repairs etc…)

Knowing your own boundaries (financial and otherwise) is very important. It's funny how parents who were not good parents will suddenly want all your time (and sometimes money) when they are alone and sick after a lifetime of poor choices, neglect of children, or abuse of children.

Then, the adult child feels guilty because they are a good person.

Be sure you are not getting played.

[Anonymous]

Your children come first. They are your #1 responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Contact your area council on aging or put him in touch with them. It's a bad situation, but if you don't have the time and money, you don't have the time and money.