Downward social mobility - anyone worries about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Yes, I do worry about this. Not because I want them to have luxurious lives or high social status, but because I want them to have a cushion so they don’t fall into poverty if they hit a rough patch, and I want them to have the means to start families of their own (which they want to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

Ick. Don't have or want any of this. Parents don't feel the need to help us financially, which is fine by me. Isn't this how hustle dissipates through generations?

Frankly, I'm not buying yoru "ick." There is nothing icky about this.

You don't have to buy it. To each his or her own. My parents paid for my education. They have more money than I will have, but I don't expect to have their money, and they feel no need to use it for me or my children. They were not brought up that way and feel no need to perpetuate generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just steer them to careers that won't be replaced by AI?.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Even if this happens they will be fine and can be very happy.

[Anonymous]

I'm laughing at this because we're Jewish and every single Jewish family has a generational path that goes:

Shift worker in a zipper factory in Yonkers ---> public school English teacher in New York ---> Chairman of the Federal Reserve ---> Barista at an indi coffee shop in Brooklyn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at this because we're Jewish and every single Jewish family has a generational path that goes:

Shift worker in a zipper factory in Yonkers ---> public school English teacher in New York ---> Chairman of the Federal Reserve ---> Barista at an indi coffee shop in Brooklyn.

this is great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know nearly a dozen young people who have opted not to have kids because they feel they can’t afford them.

All of these young people grew up in nice homes with two loving parents, great schools, travel, etc. Despite having good educations and jobs, the cost of housing plus kids is just too much.

Only one of my kids is old enough to really worry about such things, and they’ve opted to not come back to the dc metro area after college because it’s too expensive.

That's just an excuse not to have kids. Poor people have kids.

Um, sure.

But smart, responsible people (particularly those accustomed to a nice lifestyle) sometimes opt to forgo parenthood given the responsibility—including the financial responsibility.

Housing plus childcare in the DC metro area are shockingly expensive. I know a lot of young people who recognize this and have opted to simply not go down that road.

My kid is out of state for college and isn’t coming back to DC after graduation. Interestingly, many of his older friends have opted not to return to DC/MD either. Those who have come back to the area tend to live with their parents.

I am worried about my kids scattering across the country and struggling to buy a home, etc. My kids won’t have any student loans or debt, but I’m not sure how much we will be able to help out beyond that. Hopefully we can give them some money for weddings and towards a house, but we certainly can’t underwrite the full cost of such costly things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at this because we're Jewish and every single Jewish family has a generational path that goes:

Shift worker in a zipper factory in Yonkers ---> public school English teacher in New York ---> Chairman of the Federal Reserve ---> Barista at an indi coffee shop in Brooklyn.

lol. so true - i've seen it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know nearly a dozen young people who have opted not to have kids because they feel they can’t afford them.

All of these young people grew up in nice homes with two loving parents, great schools, travel, etc. Despite having good educations and jobs, the cost of housing plus kids is just too much.

Only one of my kids is old enough to really worry about such things, and they’ve opted to not come back to the dc metro area after college because it’s too expensive.

That's just an excuse not to have kids. Poor people have kids.

Um, sure.

But smart, responsible people (particularly those accustomed to a nice lifestyle) sometimes opt to forgo parenthood given the responsibility—including the financial responsibility.

Housing plus childcare in the DC metro area are shockingly expensive. I know a lot of young people who recognize this and have opted to simply not go down that road.

My kid is out of state for college and isn’t coming back to DC after graduation. Interestingly, many of his older friends have opted not to return to DC/MD either. Those who have come back to the area tend to live with their parents.

I am worried about my kids scattering across the country and struggling to buy a home, etc. My kids won’t have any student loans or debt, but I’m not sure how much we will be able to help out beyond that. Hopefully we can give them some money for weddings and towards a house, but we certainly can’t underwrite the full cost of such costly things.

They don’t have to live in the dc metro area. I was raised in socal but moved to Portland when we got married. Houses were still $300k and we could start a family there. Now we send our kids ti prove school in dc. Our generation (gen x) largely chose between Portland, Seattle, Austin and Denver to do this. Couples younger than us seemed to gravitate to Columbus, Kansas City, Grand Rapids, Indy and other mid tier Midwest cities. There are still affordable metro areas in the U.S. for a young couple to start off.

[Anonymous]

This thread is really about late-stage capitalism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at this because we're Jewish and every single Jewish family has a generational path that goes:

Shift worker in a zipper factory in Yonkers ---> public school English teacher in New York ---> Chairman of the Federal Reserve ---> Barista at an indi coffee shop in Brooklyn.

lol. so true - i've seen it.

There’s a similar Asian trope that skips a generation- immigrant who works tirelessly at their dry cleaning business—doctor—-stand up comedian.
I guess those of us in the penultimate position are just trying to navigate how to best help our kids. I’m neither Jewish nor Asian but know the stereotype and find myself (the granddaughter of Italian immigrants) with wealth. I want my kids to be happy and successful but know the odds of them doing better than me and my husband are tiny.

[Anonymous]

I've wondered this for years. Living in NW DC, everyone we know owns a $1-3 million home, has been an outlying success in whatever their chosen field is (salaries of $200K to $750K are typical in our neighborhood) but of course our kids are all over the map academically, etc. The reality is that most of them will neve make the same money as their parents did and while the parents are making very good salaries, they're not making enough to fund set up their kids with trust funds, etc.

So what happens to the kids? Most of them will not ever be able to live in DC as homeowners or otherwise replicate their childhood lifestyles. They will ultimately be fine but it's interesting.

[Anonymous]

LOL. This entire forum exists due to fear of downward mobility.

Fear of downward mobility is what fuels the entire game of competitive college admissions.

Downward mobility for their children is, indeed, the only thing anyone who visits this forum thinks about 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm laughing at this because we're Jewish and every single Jewish family has a generational path that goes:

Shift worker in a zipper factory in Yonkers ---> public school English teacher in New York ---> Chairman of the Federal Reserve ---> Barista at an indi coffee shop in Brooklyn.

lol. so true - i've seen it.

There’s a similar Asian trope that skips a generation- immigrant who works tirelessly at their dry cleaning business—doctor—-stand up comedian.
I guess those of us in the penultimate position are just trying to navigate how to best help our kids. I’m neither Jewish nor Asian but know the stereotype and find myself (the granddaughter of Italian immigrants) with wealth. I want my kids to be happy and successful but know the odds of them doing better than me and my husband are tiny.

But why do they have to do better than you? Can’t they just do good enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you give to your DC's the best education in the world and they still can't succeed, an inheritance isn't going to make any difference (unless you have Elon Musk money).

Pretty sure that you are wrong on that one. We're quite wealthy and my kids should inherit Trusts worth $40 million or so each when we pass. They won't get access to principle and they have access control restrictions to control spending but they will live very good lives in most any case. Their children will as well. Generational wealth changes the game even if it is modest by the standards of the wealthy.