Spouse WFH and I don't want to talk when I get home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Imagine the gender reversal and the responses here.

Well that would be me. I WFH and my DH works full time in an office. When he gets home he is dumping absolutely everything on me (problems re his job, issues with kids, home issues he randomly thinks of). I have been working at home, alone (which I don’t mind) but also juggling everything at the house (kids’ schedules, demands, home stuff, etc). I am so tired by 6pm every day.

We try to go over stuff now in the morning before work instead. I also ask him to email me during the day whenever he thinks of things vs an info dump at the end of the day. It’s better but not perfect. We actually talked at length about this in marriage counseling because he was driving me bananas. People just think whoever is at home, whether working or with kids or both, has it all sunshine and rainbows super easy and relaxing all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good idea to call during the commute or set a daily time. We had this, think a lot of people do. Think fully wfh people sometimes forget the energy that’s exerted in all ways during an in office day.

And people who don't WFH don't understand the isolation. The idea that WFH is just an amazing experience is false. Full time WFH is really hard. Most people would find best with a flexible schedule and the option to WFH when needed, but also an office to go to.

I get why OP is annoyed but the lack of empathy for her partner is concerning. He's obviously talking to her because he isn't getting enough human interaction during the day, and it's making him lonely plus short-circuiting his social skills. OP is only looking at this from her perspective, like he's not a person with feelings and needs. They need to talk it out respectfully and find a compromise.

I work from and never understood the isolation argument. How is it isolating? Do you really want to be stuck in office with a bunch of people that you would otherwise have zero interaction/commonality with?

You don’t talk to anyone on the phone, zoom all day? You don’t grab a coffee, go to store, go to gym, wave to neighbors?

[Anonymous]

Use your words. "I need time to compress when I get home from work."

[Anonymous]

While WFH might not be any easier as far as the work goes, it's easier in the sense that you don't have to get up really early to get ready and then drive 30 minutes to an hour into work, and then do the same to get home. I get up super early to beat the traffic into work, and after sitting in it the whole way home I'm not in a great mood. DH has been done with his own work for about an hour by the time I make it home. It makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

What the heck is he complaining about every day and the getting angry at you about?

Your needs are in direct opposition. IMO, the person who commutes after working all day out of the house deserves some quiet transition time when they walk through the door. Your DH says you don’t care about him, but he’s not acting very caring towards you if he expects to dump every night when you walk through the door.

Either call him from the car or, better, talk calmly with him and arrange that you debrief and discuss AFTER you’ve eaten and shifted gears. Tell him you will then be better at focusing on what he’s saying.

If he’s so lonely and desperate, maybe he should WOH at least a couple days a week, or else make a point of getting out several times a week. Gym, meet someone for lunch or coffee, go for a walk, errands.

Just curious: what job does each of you have?

[Anonymous]

8-12 shift? Working 4 hours or 16 hours??

[Anonymous]

I think this is a compromise situation. He needs to talk as he has been alone all day and you need silence as you have been talking all day.

You can't both have what you want.

I do think it says something about the relationship that you don't want to speak to him. I would find an evening of silence if my husband required that very hard to manage, especially if I was home all day by myself.

Also that you interpret his desire to talk to you as just him telling you abour problems you can't solve and a waste of your time.

Seems like there are bigger issues and you just don't enjoy his company at all. Probably time to step back and assess why this is such an issue and not something you can find a compromise on. Most couples would figure it out by finding time for each - some time alone and some time to talk. It doesn't seem though that either of you want that.

[Anonymous]

It’s your fault. No one forced you to marry an annoying man like him. Fix it.
I can’t believe you chose to have children with such a loser. You deserve a man who would leave you alone. Actually, no you deserve to be single.

[Anonymous]

Why was divorce him one of the first replies? Some of these people are nutso