Spouse WFH and I don't want to talk when I get home

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is just a rant. But DH gets up when he wants, works in his bathrobe all day, and finishes whenever the work is done. I work 8-12 hr shifts, not including a 30 minute commute, at a very stressful job.

When I get home, I just want to be left alone. I'm usually hungry and just want to have something to eat and some quiet.

But no, DH needs to hit me with every problem the second I get home, before I can even eat. Then he gets angry because I don't want to talk about problems right then and says I don't care enough about whatever it is that is upsetting him that day (which is almost always something I can't do anything about anyway).

So basically, he ruins my evenings and I'm just mad about it. Sometimes I think about getting divorced just so I can go home and relax instead of having to evenings listening to him complain and then be expected to fix everything.

[Anonymous]

Set a time and ask him to make complaints at the appointed time.

He may just be info dumping. And no human has been there with him all day. It's misfiring social skills.

You both probably need empathy software upgrades.

[Anonymous]

You need to sit him down and tell him this. Also point out it's the perennial problem of the person who works out of the home - usually it's the man who comes from work and cannot bear to listen to his wife and whiny kids as soon as he steps in the door. Here it's you. Same prob. Some people sit in their car for a bit before going into the house. Some people have dinner before coming home, or listen to a relaxing podcast on the commute home, or classical music, or whatever makes them feel zen. You've got to find ways to manage this, even if your spouse isn't helping.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. You’ve had enough.

[Anonymous]

First of all, you need to tell him you need more of a quiet, food oriented time after work and then set up a better time for you each to discuss the problems of the day.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have so many problems to rant about every day?

[Anonymous]

Call him during your 30 minutes commute. Let him download the whole way home. Then once you get there, done. Talk this through and let him know you need some time to decompress.

I have to admit I used to do this to my DH. I work from home and always have. He'd get home and both the kids and I would be all over him wanting his attention. I didn't even realize what he was doing at first when he started calling me. It turned out really great because I didn't really want him to solve any problems, I just wanted to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have so many problems to rant about every day?

Work from home is still work. He probably has terrible bosses/colleagues/underlings just like the rest of us do.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you need 30 min to decompress. If he's still unreasonable, make a detour at a cafe before you go home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you need 30 min to decompress. If he's still unreasonable, make a detour at a cafe before you go home

This. You get 20 minutes of alone time, he gets 20 minutes to talk.

If you just want him to leave you alone in silence all evening, there’s really no point in you being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have so many problems to rant about every day?

Work from home is still work. He probably has terrible bosses/colleagues/underlings just like the rest of us do.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have so many problems to rant about every day?

Work from home is still work. He probably has terrible bosses/colleagues/underlings just like the rest of us do.

those aren’t emergencies that require him to babble away the second she walks in

[Anonymous]

1. Have a talk with him so you two can come up with a mutually acceptable solution.

2. Eat food before leaving work so you get some sugar and some quite time. This way you'll be ready to actually be home when you get there.

3. Try to understand that everyone feels the burnt of their load, minimizing his problems because you feel yours are heavier, isn't a way to comfort.

4. Both attend therapy and get more skills to improve your relationship and be a good example for your children.

[Anonymous]

Tell me you are a healthcare provider without telling me you are a healthcare provider. This narcissistic approach of seeing your job as more important than his is toxic and would poison your life and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Just park one street over or sit in the driveway and white knuckle it until you can get past the dread of walking in the front door.

It’s pretty common.