Just turned 8 and still has "accidents"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she isn’t going to the bathroom when she needs to she will need to have diapers. She won’t like that idea and she will decide it is better to just use the bathroom when she needs to.

I am not sure if its at the point to mention diapers as she is not having full on accidents but I do see your point. Although just telling her that might give her a kick in the but to pay more attention.

Just tell her that she needs to try more to make it on time to the bathroom. At home it might be easy to just have her change clothes but if you are out somewhere than changing after an accident might not be as convenient and that is when it might make more sense to have her wear a diaper as a precaution. It should not be a punishment. You don’t want to make her feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:t get checked for a UTI. If the doctor says everything is medically cleared I would just put pull-ups on her all the time when you go out. We had the same issue. Our doctor explained that kids with ADHD when they go out into the world are extremely distracted by everything. Everything is brighter. Everything is this that so for them they can’t recognize sometimes when they can go to the bathroom or they’re just being lazy and because they’re having so much fun. They’re like I’m just gonna do it right here not realizing what they’re doing until it’s too late. We continue to put the pull-ups on her and as she got a little bit older, she started to get the hang of having to go to the bathroom in public. We just did not make it a big deal so she wouldn’t get upset and it ended up stoping in a few months.
Also, I’m not sure if it’s all bathrooms but most public bathrooms when you go to flush the toilet it’s extremely loud. Our daughter was also at times avoiding the public bathrooms because of the noise. So we taught her how to quickly flush it watch it go down and hold her ears. This made it so then she wasn’t so upset going in the bathroom because she knew to cover her ears a certain way to help
By the way, I know this is hard right now, but you got this mama bear

We have been to her dr for this specific issue and she explained as others have stated that she needs to pay more attention to her body signals telling her its time to go. She asked my daughter if it hurt when she pees or if she is afraid. My daughter just shrugged her shoulders and said no, I just hold it too long sometimes. So she basically admitted to the dr that she feels when she has to go but just doesnt go as soon as she gets the urge.

She never had any issues with public bathrooms as far as being afraid or them being too dirty. I always carry disposable toilet seat covers in the car. How old was your daughter then?

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old doesn't have actual accidents but she regularly changes her underwear multiple times a day because she is getting to the bathroom a split second late and getting her underwear wet. I think it's pretty common at this age. I think it's pretty much 50/50 a split between:

1) waiting too long to go even when she has the opportunity to do so, because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing. It's the same reason she will tell me she's "just about" to hop in the shower for like 20 minutes. She's just delaying doing a necessary but not particularly interesting task. AND

2) her schedule sometimes makes it hard to go. Think about it. You have an 8 year old's tiny bladder, you walk around with a water bottle all day long, but also for a big portion of the day you need permission from an adult to go to the bathroom (just so they know where you are) and often have to wait until you are in a place to ask (because you are moving between the gym and the classroom, or driving from school to soccer practice, etc.). Yes, the answer there is to make sure you always go when you have the chance. This requires a bit of forethought and organization, which my kid is getting better at but is still working on. She's figured out she needs to use the bathroom when we stop for gas on a long car ride; she's still figuring out that she should use the bathroom sometime after lunch at school if she doesn't want to be running for the bathroom when she gets to tai kwon do a few hours later. She'll get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:t get checked for a UTI. If the doctor says everything is medically cleared I would just put pull-ups on her all the time when you go out. We had the same issue. Our doctor explained that kids with ADHD when they go out into the world are extremely distracted by everything. Everything is brighter. Everything is this that so for them they can’t recognize sometimes when they can go to the bathroom or they’re just being lazy and because they’re having so much fun. They’re like I’m just gonna do it right here not realizing what they’re doing until it’s too late. We continue to put the pull-ups on her and as she got a little bit older, she started to get the hang of having to go to the bathroom in public. We just did not make it a big deal so she wouldn’t get upset and it ended up stoping in a few months.
Also, I’m not sure if it’s all bathrooms but most public bathrooms when you go to flush the toilet it’s extremely loud. Our daughter was also at times avoiding the public bathrooms because of the noise. So we taught her how to quickly flush it watch it go down and hold her ears. This made it so then she wasn’t so upset going in the bathroom because she knew to cover her ears a certain way to help
By the way, I know this is hard right now, but you got this mama bear

We have been to her dr for this specific issue and she explained as others have stated that she needs to pay more attention to her body signals telling her its time to go. She asked my daughter if it hurt when she pees or if she is afraid. My daughter just shrugged her shoulders and said no, I just hold it too long sometimes. So she basically admitted to the dr that she feels when she has to go but just doesnt go as soon as she gets the urge.

She never had any issues with public bathrooms as far as being afraid or them being too dirty. I always carry disposable toilet seat covers in the car. How old was your daughter then?

She was between kindergarten and first grade, around 5 to 7 years old. She experienced some issues again at age 8, but only during long car trips. After that, the problem stopped and didn’t return for a while, except occasionally at night. Over time, things improved. She is now 17 years old and will be attending VT in the fall.

[Anonymous]

I was just about to make a post in the toddler/preschooler forum because my 3 YO DD is having a similar issue. She rarely has accidents at school (happens maybe once every couple of months), but she often does not make it to the bathroom in time when she’s at home. It’s like she doesn’t realize she needs to pee until it’s the last possible minute, and then she goes a little bit in her underwear before she makes it to the bathroom and finishes there. She isn’t making a big mess - her pants often don’t get wet - but it is so frustrating to go through 5+ pairs of underwear in a day. While we remind her to go at regular intervals, she really resists and claims she doesn’t have to go until it’s too late.

What I’m taking away from this thread is that we should really insist that she go every 1-2 hours even if it results in a major power struggle (which it often does). If anyone has additional tips that might work well for a younger child having this issue, I’m all ears. I don’t want to put her in Pull Ups during the day since I’m worried that will cause her to regress with her potty training, which is probably not a concern with an older child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just about to make a post in the toddler/preschooler forum because my 3 YO DD is having a similar issue. She rarely has accidents at school (happens maybe once every couple of months), but she often does not make it to the bathroom in time when she’s at home. It’s like she doesn’t realize she needs to pee until it’s the last possible minute, and then she goes a little bit in her underwear before she makes it to the bathroom and finishes there. She isn’t making a big mess - her pants often don’t get wet - but it is so frustrating to go through 5+ pairs of underwear in a day. While we remind her to go at regular intervals, she really resists and claims she doesn’t have to go until it’s too late.

What I’m taking away from this thread is that we should really insist that she go every 1-2 hours even if it results in a major power struggle (which it often does). If anyone has additional tips that might work well for a younger child having this issue, I’m all ears. I don’t want to put her in Pull Ups during the day since I’m worried that will cause her to regress with her potty training, which is probably not a concern with an older child.

A 3 year old is vastly different than an 8 year old. Start your own thread or do a search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can be a sign of constipation, and a child can be constipated even if they’re pooping a little bit every day.

This. It is not always obvious, but chronic constipation is a super common cause of accidents in kids. They can't feel when they need to go. Don't discount this as a possible cause, even if you don't think your kid is constipated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can be a sign of constipation, and a child can be constipated even if they’re pooping a little bit every day.

This. It is not always obvious, but chronic constipation is a super common cause of accidents in kids. They can't feel when they need to go. Don't discount this as a possible cause, even if you don't think your kid is constipated.

I recall her dr asking about constipation and how often she went poop. I dont really monitor how often she goes but if I were to guess, its about once every 2 days or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can be a sign of constipation, and a child can be constipated even if they’re pooping a little bit every day.

This. It is not always obvious, but chronic constipation is a super common cause of accidents in kids. They can't feel when they need to go. Don't discount this as a possible cause, even if you don't think your kid is constipated.

Naw this is behavioral not medical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can be a sign of constipation, and a child can be constipated even if they’re pooping a little bit every day.

This. It is not always obvious, but chronic constipation is a super common cause of accidents in kids. They can't feel when they need to go. Don't discount this as a possible cause, even if you don't think your kid is constipated.

Naw this is behavioral not medical

I agree. Everything has been checked out medically and was given a clean bill of health. She knows she has to go but tries to wait until she is finished doing whatever and by that time its usually too late. Thankfully its rare that she will have a full on accident so its mainly just damp pants we are dealing with now.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you’ve got your answer at this point in time. If you are certain it is behavioral, then you need to work on this behavior with her. If you’re concerned about the dribbles/damp pants, then you could look into some form of protection (i.e padded underwear, Sposie Dribbles, pull ups, or whatever you feel would work best).

Honestly, I think there needs to be some accountability (actions and consequences). She’s 8 and old enough to be held accountable. You are taking on all the responsibility…meaning that she’s not dealing with any consequence (this doesn’t have to be punitive) to hold her accountable. Stop reminding her (she’s 8 not 3…she knows when she needs to go), she needs to clean herself up, etc.

I work with 7-11 year olds and can tell you that I’d support my students no matter what they needed. However, I can also tell you that they would be mortified if this were happening to them.

[Anonymous]

My kid is ten now, but we had many years when she couldn’t hold her pee back when she laughed a lot. I still think about it sometimes now, though the issue is in our past. I was so grateful to her friends who experienced this with her and didn’t make her feel bad. More recently - maybe 18 months ago - she was talking about pee leaking. I took her to the pediatrician a few times a few times. One of the doctors insisted that it had to be constipation and me follow a miralax protocol. Ahem, it wasn’t constipation. Poor kid. Unlike her sibling, she had never been constipated before - at least we completely eliminated that issue from our list. Anyway, the leakage issue faded over time. I wasn’t even sure if it was pee.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my 8 year old son has issues with body awareness due to AuDHD (high functioning autism + ADHD). He literally cannot always feel when he needs to go, due to sensory overwhelm from other things going on around him (bright lights, noisy friends, itchy tag on a new jacket, focusing on what he's reading, etcetc). Through a lot of trial and error, we've found that his ADHD medication really helps him be able to turn down the noise of the rest of the world enough to feel those internal signals more consistently. I still remind him a lot, usually in connection with a transition (such as right before we leave for school, as we come in the door after school, when a TV episode ends, so on) but if he starts having accidents more frequently again it's typically a sign that his ADHD medication needs to be adusted slightly.

He has no issues overnight, so we ruled out capacity and pelvic floor issues - for him it's about body awareness and timing. Hope you've found something that works for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Does he get upset if he has an accident? Age 8 I would be a little concerned if he is suddenly having daytime accidents.

[Anonymous]

Op, try core exercises daily and ensure hydration.