Why do people who prioritize their spouses over their parents get so much heat?

[Anonymous]

Because, like you said, it’s not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blood is thicker than water. Also, this is cultural - in some cultures, you always take care of your parents for your entire adult life.

And at the direct detriment of your spouse and children. Money, effort, time, absence, stress, quality of life, living arrangements, etc.

Agree, some cultures have big strings attached, especially to their sons.

You see (your children’s) grandparents as a complete drain, which may be true. For others, grandparents offer wisdom, infinite patience and unconditional love, a sense of belonging, nutritious and delicious cooking, culture, opportunities for adventure, babysitting, inheritance, an opportunity for kids to learn to find the beauty in people and practice giving and taking, and the list goes on.

Everything comes at a cost. Do you see your pet as a total drain? A good grandparent is priceless.

DP. You're right, of course, but those "good grandparents" are hard to come by these days. My kids sure don't have any: grandpas have passed away and grandmas are waiting to be catered to.

Don’t enable them.

[Anonymous]

You have exactly one mother and one father. You can have various spouses across your life.

[Anonymous]

If you’re in a situation where you have to choose between a parent and a spouse, you married the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

They don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, it is normal to prioritize a spouse over a parent.

It’s not normal in many families to prioritize one over the other. My husband and I were lucky that our parents were both close by. There’s nothing to disagree on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blood is thicker than water. Also, this is cultural - in some cultures, you always take care of your parents for your entire adult life.

And at the direct detriment of your spouse and children. Money, effort, time, absence, stress, quality of life, living arrangements, etc.

Agree, some cultures have big strings attached, especially to their sons.

You see (your children’s) grandparents as a complete drain, which may be true. For others, grandparents offer wisdom, infinite patience and unconditional love, a sense of belonging, nutritious and delicious cooking, culture, opportunities for adventure, babysitting, inheritance, an opportunity for kids to learn to find the beauty in people and practice giving and taking, and the list goes on.

Everything comes at a cost. Do you see your pet as a total drain? A good grandparent is priceless.

DP. You're right, of course, but those "good grandparents" are hard to come by these days. My kids sure don't have any: grandpas have passed away and grandmas are waiting to be catered to.

No they aren’t hard to come by. If you lived with those type of people then I hope you break the cycle. Learn to be a more generous empathetic person.

[Anonymous]

Leave and cleave people leave and cleave. What's not normal is putting your parents first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re in a situation where you have to choose between a parent and a spouse, you married the wrong person.

This. But doesn’t it also work the other way? I’d never make my son pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a novel idea: prioritize yourself. Attend to your minor children's needs. Everyone else can fight for themselves.

That’s called narcissism. You’re not some sort of wise sage. You’re selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have exactly one mother and one father. You can have various spouses across your life.

And with this attitude you are guaranteed to have many spouses throughout your life!

I doubt anyone will stick around more than a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a novel idea: prioritize yourself. Attend to your minor children's needs. Everyone else can fight for themselves.

That’s called narcissism. You’re not some sort of wise sage. You’re selfish.

Haha. Prioritizing yourself is certainly not called narcissism. That's the whole point of being alive: you figure out your own path. The time where women were supposed to put everyone else's needs before their own is over for good and is healthy. We're no longer the people-pleasing servant wives, who have no property or money to their names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a novel idea: prioritize yourself. Attend to your minor children's needs. Everyone else can fight for themselves.

That’s called narcissism. You’re not some sort of wise sage. You’re selfish.

Haha. Prioritizing yourself is certainly not called narcissism. That's the whole point of being alive: you figure out your own path. [b]The time where women were supposed to put everyone else's needs before their own is over for good and is healthy. We're no longer the people-pleasing servant wives, [b]who have no property or money to their names.

I don’t recall there ever being a time like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it’s not normal to prioritize a spouse over a parent, but we still need to respect the personal preferences of those who do, just like we need to respect the personal preferences of LGBT people.

Needs first
Wants second

Needs of functional adults (eg can just be on with it) go after needs of children and non-functional adults, as functional adults can attend to their own needs.

No wants get priority until everyone’s needs are met. Wants - everyone takes turns.

Sometimes, people think their wants are needs. [/quote
I like this perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have exactly one mother and one father. You can have various spouses across your life.

Yeah, spouses are disposable.