Appropriate Consequences for Forging Note?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to introspect about why there are so many power struggles going on with your almost-adult kid. They should have been able to just ask you to take the period off to pack and they should have known you would have said yes. Your kid is almost an adult and you need to start letting go.

You haven’t said anything that makes me think the kid needs a higher level of control over their life - are they not getting into college? Drugs? Alcohol?

At this age they need to be getting basically as much personal freedom as possible. You need to be redefining house rules for what you expect for an adult child - like being polite, keeping you informed about their coming and going times, taking part in chores, keeping spaces clean, etc.

This. So weird you would be controlling about the kid skipping a period of school. Mine would ask and I would ask what class they had and if they tell me it's not a problem for them to skip, then skip. Or if it seemed like a bad idea, I'd say that seems like maybe a bad idea but your decision. Whatever consequence there is for skipping the class, your role is to guide them through thinking through the decision but let them make that decision.

This! Your kid is about to leave home, they need to have to be making these decisions on their own with just your guidance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a senior. What do you feel are the appropriate consequences for forging an attendance note and leaving school early? I'm very tempted to tell the school, along with taking away the car. Thanks for your input.

Tell the school? The administrators will laugh at you. Wise parents allow their kids to miss school occasionally. Wise kids learn to prioritize their many obligations and duties.

You sound entirely clueless about how the world works, OP, and it doesn't seem like you were cut out to be a parent. I pity your kid who felt desperate enough to forge your signature. This is the consequence of bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

What's with the note? Why couldn't he just take a day or few hours off?
Mine skipped school 30 days a year x 4 years of high school. I did tell him to make sure he graduated.
He would have never dared to get me involved by forging my signature. Just him and school.
He is doing well in college and in life. Sometimes they just need less school and less parenting.

[Anonymous]

In most districts an 18 year old can sign themselves out and write their own notes. I wouldn’t tell the school but I would take away the car for 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

YOU are the problem if you feel like it's your goal in life to toss profanity at parents seeking guidance on the internet. OP is asking for guidance and experiences from others because she knows her kid did something wrong. No need to post unproductive insults that your family would be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

I only read the OP's first post.

Been through the high school years once with DS21 now in college, and in the thick of it again with DDs17 current seniors.

If his grades are good and he didn't do anything dangerous or illegal after skipping, I would not care much. I definitely would not tell the school (would not intervene to shield him if they found out some other way though).

I would tell him I know & that I don't approve and will not lie to shield him from consequences. Then I would warn him not to make a habit of it and remind him that our family expects good grades and a fairly clean disciplinary record.

I graduated with a 4.1 weighted & only 2 total detentions my entire high school career and I definitely skipped my fair share of days so that part would not bother me much. The forgery seems fairly mild but I would keep an eye to ensure it doesn't turn into anything financial related or potentially illegal.

[Anonymous]

Take the car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

YOU are the problem if you feel like it's your goal in life to toss profanity at parents seeking guidance on the internet. OP is asking for guidance and experiences from others because she knows her kid did something wrong. No need to post unproductive insults that your family would be ashamed of.

+10000. Really unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Eh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d probably take the car but I’d need more context. Is this a first time? What did they miss at school? My kids never forged a note (that I’m aware of) but I remember one day DD left early without permission to avoid a pep rally. She thought she’d go shopping. The consequence was she didn’t get to go.

I don’t blame her. Those things should not be mandatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you!

More context: DC skipped last period on Friday to finish packing for a ski trip. This was the first time, as far as I know. Ongoing struggles with defiance and lying.

And you're rewarding bad behavior with a ski trip. got it

[Anonymous]

You can’t leave a kid like this alone for a weekend, so you can’t cancel the skip trip - it’s mean to ruin a sibling’s plan over this.

I would pick something between “do nothing because college!” And “cancel the skip trip trip even though it wastes money and impacts others beyond the teen.”

[Anonymous]

Eh, I’d do nothing. And I’m a hs teacher. This is so minor. A forged note to skip one class to be home packing is not that bad senior year. Your kid cares about excused absences, which is more than so many seniors. They weren’t off with friends skipping class and getting in trouble.

I forged lots of notes in HS, before my senior year, and did much worse. Your kid will be in college in a few months and is almost 18. Pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

6:20 again and thinking about this- my mom and I still laugh about how I got caught senior year when she sent in a real note once. I had been signing her name so many times and the signatures didn’t match so they thought hers was forged and called. So I got busted for having fake notes all year and got a detention. I have a senior so she loves telling that story now and we all laugh. This was in the days when they must have kept paper files of the notes. My parents didn’t punish me on top of that, since I always kept up good grades, was a good respectful kid and everything else. I just left school when I wanted with my friends with my fake notes.