Appropriate Consequences for Forging Note?

[Anonymous]

Probably just make them do a substantial chore around the house or some volunteer work. Assuming that college is on track and there are no drug/alcohol issues involved, this is just a kid who is ready to be in charge of their own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you!

More context: DC skipped last period on Friday to finish packing for a ski trip. This was the first time, as far as I know. Ongoing struggles with defiance and lying.

This is so incredibly minor. Let it go but work on the defiance and rudeness. As a senior there just shouldn’t be things that they have to be lying to you about.

[Anonymous]

You need to introspect about why there are so many power struggles going on with your almost-adult kid. They should have been able to just ask you to take the period off to pack and they should have known you would have said yes. Your kid is almost an adult and you need to start letting go.

You haven’t said anything that makes me think the kid needs a higher level of control over their life - are they not getting into college? Drugs? Alcohol?

At this age they need to be getting basically as much personal freedom as possible. You need to be redefining house rules for what you expect for an adult child - like being polite, keeping you informed about their coming and going times, taking part in chores, keeping spaces clean, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you!

More context: DC skipped last period on Friday to finish packing for a ski trip. This was the first time, as far as I know. Ongoing struggles with defiance and lying.

To be honest, with some kids, such a situation could be a matter of convenience. It's a pain to get permission to leave early, so I can see a responsible kid just giving in a note they forged to make life easier, knowing their parent would be fully okay with them skipping that period.

However, this is different. They're a senior but they still live in your home and need to respect your rules. I am not sure about consequences because I have never dealt with this specific situation but hopefully others have good advice for you.

[Anonymous]

That sounds totally reasonable. I would do both along with grounding him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to introspect about why there are so many power struggles going on with your almost-adult kid. They should have been able to just ask you to take the period off to pack and they should have known you would have said yes. Your kid is almost an adult and you need to start letting go.

You haven’t said anything that makes me think the kid needs a higher level of control over their life - are they not getting into college? Drugs? Alcohol?

At this age they need to be getting basically as much personal freedom as possible. You need to be redefining house rules for what you expect for an adult child - like being polite, keeping you informed about their coming and going times, taking part in chores, keeping spaces clean, etc.

This. So weird you would be controlling about the kid skipping a period of school. Mine would ask and I would ask what class they had and if they tell me it's not a problem for them to skip, then skip. Or if it seemed like a bad idea, I'd say that seems like maybe a bad idea but your decision. Whatever consequence there is for skipping the class, your role is to guide them through thinking through the decision but let them make that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dishonestly is never ok. But I laugh a little at this. Are they 18? At 18 in MoCo, this was many decades ago, we were allowed to submit our own attendance notes. We were 18 and legally allowed as adults. Another reason I laughed a little is my parents traveled a lot and starting at about 16, if I needed a note signed and they weren't around, I was to go into their desk and use the stamp and stamp pad of their signature.

Same my mother gave me pieces of paper with her name signed at the bottom to use when I wanted.

I think it is really weird to be micro-managing a senior in high school's life to this degree and based on your reaction to this situation, I'm guessing that's why you're dealing with a lot of defiance and lying. Unless this kid is bombing in school or on drugs or there is info you have not shared, it's just overkill.

Get ready for a kid who leaves home and doesn't look back.

[Anonymous]

What are the ongoing rudeness/defiance struggles about? I feel like more context is needed. All we really know is

-note forged
-parents not aligned

The usual consequence of lying is people don’t trust you. That’s where I would lean. But the picture looks different if the parent is extremely controlling of a 17 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you!

More context: DC skipped last period on Friday to finish packing for a ski trip. This was the first time, as far as I know. Ongoing struggles with defiance and lying.

Well, obviously he wouldn't be allowed to do anything else on Fridays after school for a few months. Sure hope he enjoyed that ski trip - it'd be the last one he'd get for the season.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT tell the school. Are you crazy? You don't want school administrators thinking poorly of him or this going on his record!

Ground him or whatever it is you do. Take away car or phone or whatever. But don't tell the school. That is idiotic.

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't that they forged your name, it's that there is so little trust between you two that your child found it necessary to hide and lie.

I have always allowed my very responsible high schoolers to take off from school whenever they were sick, or had too much schoolwork to finish, or had an important event, a music competition or a funeral, for example.

Children need to learn how to prioritize, and sometimes, attending school is not the most important thing they need to do. School attendance solely for the sake of school attendance is stupid and short-sighted.

Punishing your child for forging your name is justified, OP. But the real problem lies elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I would have a good laugh if my senior forged a note, but she would never have to because I couldn’t care less if a kid with just a few months of high school left misses an occasional period. College apps are in, it’s almost over. Just let them relax a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT tell the school. Are you crazy? You don't want school administrators thinking poorly of him or this going on his record!

Ground him or whatever it is you do. Take away car or phone or whatever. But don't tell the school. That is idiotic.

What record? His permanent life record? Like this will prevent him from getting a job when he's 43? Lol, you're so funny.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

[Anonymous]

Starting in high school, I made sure that I had a duplicate of the first piece of paperwork my parents signed each year, and I would re-do it with my version of their signatures. I was always pretty good at my dad's, but my mom's was harder. Anyway, I signed everything until I turned 18 and then I was able to sign my own excuse notes.

So in this case, give your kid a break.