Transferring for social reasons

[Anonymous]

I remember a college admissions person came to DD’s high school and said most happiness or unhappiness in college is all social. Let DC apply to transfer. Things may get better in the meantime. I considered transferring, aoplied. But didn’t end up doing it.

College can be a hard transition. Beginning of sophomore year was hard for my DD. DC is not in jail. Let DC go for more happiness.

[Anonymous]

Find schools that have large transfer cohorts. That do robust transfer planning and allow for sophomore year students / transfers to rush if they are not already affiliated.

The size of the transfer cohort is published. For example, at Northwestern, I know the transfer welcome programming is rigorous and compares favorably to freshman year orientation. With upwards of 200 transfer students.

That information should be available in the admissions and transition section of the website

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find schools that have large transfer cohorts. That do robust transfer planning and allow for sophomore year students / transfers to rush if they are not already affiliated.

The size of the transfer cohort is published. For example, at Northwestern, I know the transfer welcome programming is rigorous and compares favorably to freshman year orientation. With upwards of 200 transfer students.

That information should be available in the admissions and transition section of the website

+1

[Anonymous]

Wow…your kid knows what he wants and knows his own mind. How are you blocking him because “student orientation is a hassle”? Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely let my kids transfer if they wanted to but just to share: my sophomore's experience got significantly better when he joined a club second semester last year. It kind of turned everything around.

And fwiw, I had worried from the start that this school wasn't the right fit for him and had hoped he would choose others. But he found his crowd spring semester and is very happy.

[Anonymous]

The kid is seeing a therapist. That's a clue. Fix the issue requiring therapy. It's unlikely transferring from one school to another is relevant to whatever mental health issues the kid has.

Transferring is just a gamble that the social environment elsewhere will somehow prove more congenial. It could just as easily prove worse. How many transfers will it take until the kid finds his or her target # of friends? This is not a problem with the school, but with your kid (mental health issue?).

University is, primarily, for obtaining an education which will be helpful in one's later professional life. Making friends should be a welcome, but merely incidental dimension of the experience. It's not summer camp.

[Anonymous]

OP, does your kid have a specific type of school in mind? From your posts, it seems like this situation runs the risk of repeating itself. I know it is socially not a fit (so hard I am sure!) but when looking to transfer, I would think he/she would have a clearer idea of what they want…large vs small, urban, suburban or rural?, specific program or liberal arts? Narrowing it down and focusing on a set of schools that fit the parameters is going to help.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we try geographic cures but wherever we go, there we are.
She needs as I suggested before, to make "social business cases" for places she want to try to transfer to.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP's to support, validate, and let you DD know that you won't stop her from completing transfer applications if she choses to do so. But don't enable her. Part of unhappiness in these moments can be the feeling that you're trapped with your situation. If she knows that she has agency to change her situation, she may decide to go through the work of completing transfer apps and end up making the choice to change schools. Or she may start that process, decide that it's a lot of work, and then decide to redouble her efforts on forming social connections in her current school. This, as many have said previously, takes time and changes often from one semester to the next. Do not roll out the red carpet to other schools and a bunch of parent help with transfer steps though. She can figure it out, and her action or inaction in this direction should be something she owns.

[Anonymous]

I was very homesick my first semester of college (medium-large, well ranked, in-state public) but masked it with excuses that I just couldn’t find my people, it wasn’t a culture fit, etc. I had never had to try very hard to make friends, and was also used to being at the top of my class in HS with not much effort.

My parents indulged my interest in transferring, even took me to tour another school (also in-state public, smaller and not as competitive). However, spring semester brought a lot of growth for me, as well as a new club and friends. By May, I decided to stay.

[Anonymous]

I transferred in my freshman spring semester. If your child is giving reasons that aren't academic, that's okay. Maybe it wasn't a good fit socially. If they tour other colleges now, they know what they are looking for and can make a better choice.

I have told my senior this year, "this isn't a permanent decision. Do your best to decide if you will like it here, but you can change your mind."