Transferring for social reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the original poster and it's a top 25 school and they would likely apply to a variety of top 50 schools and some liberal arts colleges. They could land in a peer school or in a school that is an academic/prestige step down. We don't really care about this but it's hard not to acknowledge it. Again, academics are going very well so this is not an issue of not being able to keep up or feeling in over their head academically.

Original poster again. Actually, I should rephrase this to say: They could land in a school that is a rankings step up, a peer school or a school that is a step down. Or a liberal arts college which probably would be a step down in some peoples' eyes based both on ranking and perception. They would be making a choice on fit, not on ranking.
Again, we are not rankings obsessed but for the purpose of this post I wanted to spell out what they're looking at and that they are not transferring to get into a more prestigious/academic school (which it seems is what quietly drives a lot of transfer pursuits).

Actually, you seem quite ranking obsessed. Take a deep breath and read your posts. “Prestige”, “top 25”, “could be a step down”. Maybe your kid ended up at the wrong school because you unintentionally were speaking in this coded language all along?

Agree! This type of language also makes students think that there really is some ideal college experience out there. The right “tier”, the right “social experience”, the best campus, etc etc etc.

Is the environment really the problem or is there something else underlying?

Are they focused on escape rather than problem-solving?

Are they really being fair in their assessment about how things will change at a new location? They will be the same person there…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the original poster and it's a top 25 school and they would likely apply to a variety of top 50 schools and some liberal arts colleges. They could land in a peer school or in a school that is an academic/prestige step down. We don't really care about this but it's hard not to acknowledge it. Again, academics are going very well so this is not an issue of not being able to keep up or feeling in over their head academically.

Original poster again. Actually, I should rephrase this to say: They could land in a school that is a rankings step up, a peer school or a school that is a step down. Or a liberal arts college which probably would be a step down in some peoples' eyes based both on ranking and perception. They would be making a choice on fit, not on ranking.
Again, we are not rankings obsessed but for the purpose of this post I wanted to spell out what they're looking at and that they are not transferring to get into a more prestigious/academic school (which it seems is what quietly drives a lot of transfer pursuits).

Actually, you seem quite ranking obsessed. Take a deep breath and read your posts. “Prestige”, “top 25”, “could be a step down”. Maybe your kid ended up at the wrong school because you unintentionally were speaking in this coded language all along?

Agree! This type of language also makes students think that there really is some ideal college experience out there. The right “tier”, the right “social experience”, the best campus, etc etc etc.

Is the environment really the problem or is there something else underlying?

Are they focused on escape rather than problem-solving?

Are they really being fair in their assessment about how things will change at a new location? They will be the same person there…

This is what you should be focused on. Social dynamics are important but exactly what needs to change? Size? Rural vs Suburban vs Urban? Greek life? Fresh start due to unfortunate circumstances? Your reaction needs to be neutral, let them apply and see what happens. As others have noted, saying you want to transfer is one thing going to through they actual process is another. Plus transfer decisions are a long way off and by that time they may find a new interest and find it’s not worth the hassle.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely support a transfer. Rankings or prestige is not everything, social fit and belonging matter too. People perform better in sustainable environments where they feel they fit.

Life is too short to spend 4 years somewhere where they already know they're unhappy.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

If a kid wants to transfer for fall start, i think applications are due soon. You should check the deadline. I also know kids who applied in the fall for spring transfer. I didn't know that was a thing but recently learned of a kid who transfered to an ivy fot spring senester start, but I think fall is more common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman wants to transfer from their medium sized school. This has been a pretty consistent opinion since about 6 weeks into school last fall. There have been times that things got better but it's never really gone away. They're a very social kid who historically had many friends (that they keep up with closely) and no difficulties making friends but they're just not finding their people at this university. They have made one good friend but long for a bigger community. They've done all the things: clubs, club sports, religious organizations, etc. Their hall was not a source of friends and their roommate is nice but super introverted and spends most of their time in the room (so is not a help in the friend-making department).

It's hard for us to not worry that transferring will just kick the can down the road. What if the next school is also a bad fit? Also people keep telling us that social things will get better spring of sophomore year. But the hear and now is that they didn't want to go back to school, they want to come home now. They are not depressed (they see a therapist and I really don't think it's depression) and again, they've never had difficulty making friends before. They changed schools for high school and had to reinvent their social scene at that time and had no issues whatsoever. It just seems like the culture of the school is not a good fit.

Anyone in the same place or have experience with this? I don't even know how you convince colleges to take a transfer for this reason. I'm sure they get transfers who spell out "bad fit" but it's generally not what they want to hear. Grades are good but the thought of starting everything again from application to new student orientation seems horrible. We have an older child and they just settled into their school (different one) and never had a hiccup.

I think my first line of questioning is, are her close friends finding their fit at other schools and is there something about those schools that seems appealing and different than the school she chose?

You’ve said it’s just the social, but could it just be a bad dorm assignment? Is it too big, too southern, too Greek? I’d only bless a change if there was a clear distinction about what she thinks will be a better fit.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely support a transfer if they are unhappy at their current school. I only *wish* I had transferred out of my SLAC that I knew was a bad fit several weeks into my freshman year. Instead, I "stuck it out" and never did feel comfortable or happy in that environment. Meanwhile, my sibling went to a large state school and had a wonderful time. I wish that instead of being envious, I had just taken action and transferred out ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get this. If they transfer, they will still have to work to make friends.

[Anonymous]

My DC started at a large state school, had a really bad social experience, and decided to transfer to a smaller school. Transferring hasn’t been easy. They prefer the location and the academics at their new school, but once again landed on an antisocial dorm floor and is struggling to make friends. They just want a well rounded college experience and we’re so bummed it’s not coming together for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

Transfering is fine not an easy thing for a sophmore. Of course grades need to be 3.0 or better. Sounds like academics are not the issue.

Transfering to a liberal arts school is dumb if this is a social issue it is not getting fixed at those.

Why not just transfer to a school instate?

What about a transfer to the University of Arizona?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP

Transfering is fine not an easy thing for a sophmore. Of course grades need to be 3.0 or better. Sounds like academics are not the issue.

Transfering to a liberal arts school is dumb if this is a social issue it is not getting fixed at those.

Why not just transfer to a school instate?

What about a transfer to the University of Arizona?

????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the original poster and it's a top 25 school and they would likely apply to a variety of top 50 schools and some liberal arts colleges. They could land in a peer school or in a school that is an academic/prestige step down. We don't really care about this but it's hard not to acknowledge it. Again, academics are going very well so this is not an issue of not being able to keep up or feeling in over their head academically.

Original poster again. Actually, I should rephrase this to say: They could land in a school that is a rankings step up, a peer school or a school that is a step down. Or a liberal arts college which probably would be a step down in some peoples' eyes based both on ranking and perception. They would be making a choice on fit, not on ranking.
Again, we are not rankings obsessed but for the purpose of this post I wanted to spell out what they're looking at and that they are not transferring to get into a more prestigious/academic school (which it seems is what quietly drives a lot of transfer pursuits).

Actually, you seem quite ranking obsessed. Take a deep breath and read your posts. “Prestige”, “top 25”, “could be a step down”. Maybe your kid ended up at the wrong school because you unintentionally were speaking in this coded language all along?

Wow, you are an insufferable human being. Be better than that eventhough it is hard for you.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the transfer responsibility has to be all on her. Many questions and very little time. For the schools she is considering:
- Do they take freshman transfers?
- Do they offer her major?
- Do they offer housing?
- Has she previously visited these schools?

She must start this process ASAP. Good luck. In the end, it is her life and I wouldn’t insist she stay at a school she is unhappy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this. If they transfer, they will still have to work to make friends.

THIS! It is so much harder as a sophomore. My kid just transferred to Cornell which is a school that has a lot of support for transfers. While really happy with the classes, there were some rough, lonely moments in October. She’s very outgoing and makes friends easily. It’s just a bigger mountain to climb socially when you’re coming in as a transfer. She made a turn in November and finally got some traction with making connections outside of class. It just took a little longer to find her people. She’s looking forward to going back this week.

I agree with others that you need to let her run the process if she wants to transfer. She will have to do the essays again, order transcripts and get letters of recommendation from professors at her current school. You don’t need to process it with her. Just let it play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman wants to transfer from their medium sized school. This has been a pretty consistent opinion since about 6 weeks into school last fall. There have been times that things got better but it's never really gone away. They're a very social kid who historically had many friends (that they keep up with closely) and no difficulties making friends but they're just not finding their people at this university. They have made one good friend but long for a bigger community. They've done all the things: clubs, club sports, religious organizations, etc. Their hall was not a source of friends and their roommate is nice but super introverted and spends most of their time in the room (so is not a help in the friend-making department).

It's hard for us to not worry that transferring will just kick the can down the road. What if the next school is also a bad fit? Also people keep telling us that social things will get better spring of sophomore year. But the hear and now is that they didn't want to go back to school, they want to come home now. They are not depressed (they see a therapist and I really don't think it's depression) and again, they've never had difficulty making friends before. They changed schools for high school and had to reinvent their social scene at that time and had no issues whatsoever. It just seems like the culture of the school is not a good fit.

Anyone in the same place or have experience with this? I don't even know how you convince colleges to take a transfer for this reason. I'm sure they get transfers who spell out "bad fit" but it's generally not what they want to hear. Grades are good but the thought of starting everything again from application to new student orientation seems horrible. We have an older child and they just settled into their school (different one) and never had a hiccup.

Has the therapist weighed in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC started at a large state school, had a really bad social experience, and decided to transfer to a smaller school. Transferring hasn’t been easy. They prefer the location and the academics at their new school, but once again landed on an antisocial dorm floor and is struggling to make friends. They just want a well rounded college experience and we’re so bummed it’s not coming together for them.

You mean asocial..