Trying to anticipate this: How to explain admissions results to your teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to anticipate a situation here. DS is an 8th grader at a K-8. He and a very good friend of his are both applying to a very competitive high school, and have both indicated that it is their top choice. The friend's parents are what would be considered VIPs ... big donors, big connections. Apparently, they even had a high ranking politician write a letter of recommendation for their son. DS is a better student, has much higher SSAT scores (based on what the friend shared), and better EC's but the friend told DS he's confident he will get in because of what his parents did. We are a full pay family, and have always donated to our school's annual fund, but are certainly not big donors or VIPs.

DS is already demoralized at the prospect of him not getting admitted, and the friend getting admitted. I know this is a likely scenario. I also understand that life is not fair, and can totally grasp that as an adult .. but how would you explain this situation to a 13 year old?

Man up, p*ssy. Sounds like your DC gets rattled because you gets rattled.

Have 3-5 applications submitted and let the chips fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. And it was a learning experience. And it kind of ruined the reputation the school we didn’t get into for us and others who thought certain deserving and exceptional students would get in. When others got in for connections or other unknown realms (not grades or even sports), many families were a bit shocked. I later learned quite a few didn’t families skipped applying to the school altogether because the knew it was a terrible experience for most kids. The thing is, kids are generally ok with kids who are great students or great athletes getting in. It’s the totally random parent hooked kids that 1) piss off the classmates, and 2) lower the schools reputation. But it certainly is a lesson. Find a solid second choice and you will be fine.

“Deserving and exceptional” aren’t the only criteria schools look for, though. I’m sorry you didn’t know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. And it was a learning experience. And it kind of ruined the reputation the school we didn’t get into for us and others who thought certain deserving and exceptional students would get in. When others got in for connections or other unknown realms (not grades or even sports), many families were a bit shocked. I later learned quite a few didn’t families skipped applying to the school altogether because the knew it was a terrible experience for most kids. The thing is, kids are generally ok with kids who are great students or great athletes getting in. It’s the totally random parent hooked kids that 1) piss off the classmates, and 2) lower the schools reputation. But it certainly is a lesson. Find a solid second choice and you will be fine.

“Deserving and exceptional” aren’t the only criteria schools look for, though. I’m sorry you didn’t know that.

No need to be a jerk. We did learn that some schools will take objectively less qualified kids. Why they take kids with lower grades, test scores and a lack of athletic prowess or other prowess (music, acting, robotics) we don’t know. Maybe a donation. Who knows. So I guess what I’m saying is that it can be mysterious and even baffling who gets in and who doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you mentally jumping the gun? You must have some deep bitterness you need to let go of here. You've concocted a whole scenario painting your son as victim before receiving any rejection letter.

+1
We’re at a k-12, and I’ve seen many VIP kids, siblings, alumni kids, etc get rejected. I’ve also seen many years where multiple kids from the same school get in, so who cares if the friend gets in. That’s not taking a spot from your ds. If he doesn’t get in, there is another reason.

[Anonymous]

There are many ways to explain to him that life is unfair. You can open a newspaper or scroll through the news online. He will then see that there are much greater injustices in the world. What you are anticipating him experiencing is a disappointment- not an injustice. Teach him how to recognize the difference and how to appreciate the privilege he already has.