Parents daily visits, mom constantly "cleaning" our spaces

[Anonymous]

They moved and don't know anybody or what to do. Get them involved in some socializing activities like senior center, community classes, church. Then you are not their whole social life

[Anonymous]

OP, you should not neglect setting boundaries just because she is extremely sensitive and angers easily. That's her super-power. It doesn't need to be but you need to be grown-up and you can not be that mommy might be mad at you.

If you need more reasons to be a stronger adult -- view it as setting a healthier example for your children. Things aren't decided because someone else displays bigger emotions. That's emotional manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They moved and don't know anybody or what to do. Get them involved in some socializing activities like senior center, community classes, church. Then you are not their whole social life

I tried. They live in an active 55+ and refuse to interact with the "geezers." I also found them a Greek Orthodox church but she refused because she didn't want to interact with random people. My dad is social but my mom is very introverted.

[Anonymous]

I would be wondering about cognitive decline, OP. This is NOT normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be wondering about cognitive decline, OP. This is NOT normal.

Me again. Why are you more afraid of upsetting her than keeping your own space and your kids in their own routine? Let her be angry. Who cares? Certainly not you! With any luck, she might even stay away for a while...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. They moved here to be closer to us. They were originally a few hours a way. That was also challenging because they would come visit for long periods of time and not tell us when and how long they were staying. Sometimes it would stretch to months and our house is not very large. To answer a previous poster, she does not like to be tasked with things and is impatient and does not like to cook with the kids.

Oh God, what a nightmare. Did you ever tell your parents that this was way too much? Did you push back when they moved 10 min away? Use your words, OP, otherwise how is she to know? If she has a massive tantrum, that's her fault, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. They moved here to be closer to us. They were originally a few hours a way. That was also challenging because they would come visit for long periods of time and not tell us when and how long they were staying. Sometimes it would stretch to months and our house is not very large. To answer a previous poster, she does not like to be tasked with things and is impatient and does not like to cook with the kids.

Oh God, what a nightmare. Did you ever tell your parents that this was way too much? Did you push back when they moved 10 min away? Use your words, OP, otherwise how is she to know? If she has a massive tantrum, that's her fault, not yours.

Yes but she gets irate and it's bad for all especially my dad. Whenever she is over (which is daily) we have to have a grandma filter on. If someone does or says something she doesn't like she will start berating them. My middle child is frequently the one that sets her off and they have gotten into screaming matches and I ask her to go home and she refuses. Usually she gets mad at me for not disciplining them to her liking. I don't like conflict with her so I engage very little when she is angry. When she is calm again, we don't revisit the issue again because I am afraid to set her off again. This is my daily life and I don't have a good solution.

[Anonymous]

The screaming is not normal.
Was she like this 20 years ago?
She has mental health issues or cognitive ones. She needs to be screened by a doctor.

And you need to get the resources to NOT have her in your house daily.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had some Greek in laws coming over and cleaning my house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. They moved here to be closer to us. They were originally a few hours a way. That was also challenging because they would come visit for long periods of time and not tell us when and how long they were staying. Sometimes it would stretch to months and our house is not very large. To answer a previous poster, she does not like to be tasked with things and is impatient and does not like to cook with the kids.

You needed to set boundaries years ago. Having people show up and stay for months with no actual alignment on timeline is bananas. And you should have discussed time together v apart when they said they were moving 10 minutes away. Now, you are stuck in this nightmare where you feel like you are a child that doesn’t want to make her angry.

How do your kids feel about this? My 13 year old would lose her mind over this. If they don’t like it, perhaps you will be able to set boundaries in their best interest.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are going to be super pissed off at you about this when they get older and realize you let grandma scream at them regularly. This isn’t normal.

My great grandma was mean as a snake. One of my best memories is my grandma (her daughter) essentially telling her off when she was super mean to my 4 year old sister. Grandma told her that she would not bring us to see her again if this is how she was going to behave. It was awesome. And my grandma was a very mild mannered person. I never saw her like that at any other time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. They moved here to be closer to us. They were originally a few hours a way. That was also challenging because they would come visit for long periods of time and not tell us when and how long they were staying. Sometimes it would stretch to months and our house is not very large. To answer a previous poster, she does not like to be tasked with things and is impatient and does not like to cook with the kids.

Oh God, what a nightmare. Did you ever tell your parents that this was way too much? Did you push back when they moved 10 min away? Use your words, OP, otherwise how is she to know? If she has a massive tantrum, that's her fault, not yours.

Yes but she gets irate and it's bad for all especially my dad. Whenever she is over (which is daily) we have to have a grandma filter on. If someone does or says something she doesn't like she will start berating them. My middle child is frequently the one that sets her off and they have gotten into screaming matches and I ask her to go home and she refuses. Usually she gets mad at me for not disciplining them to her liking. I don't like conflict with her so I engage very little when she is angry. When she is calm again, we don't revisit the issue again because I am afraid to set her off again. This is my daily life and I don't have a good solution.

???

I really hope you're a troll. Your situation has gone from abnormal to abusive. I would never let my mother in my home again if she screamed at a child. She's the adult, she should know not to do this. Did she scream at you when you were growing up? Your father chose to marry her and not divorce her, so don't feel bad for him.

I would never, ever, let my mother behave like this in my home, OP. You're modeling all the wrong things for your children.

[Anonymous]

So in light of your "screamy mother" update, OP, your mother staying for months at your home, and now living very close by and coming at the worst possible time (evening) to disturb the household, reads like she has a mental disorder where she absolutely must insert herself such that everyone pays attention to her, even though the attention is negative, not positive.

I don't know why you didn't cut her off years ago. I would be willing to travel to meet my father in a coffee shop before I allowed my mother to behave like this with me or my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So in light of your "screamy mother" update, OP, your mother staying for months at your home, and now living very close by and coming at the worst possible time (evening) to disturb the household, reads like she has a mental disorder where she absolutely must insert herself such that everyone pays attention to her, even though the attention is negative, not positive.

I don't know why you didn't cut her off years ago. I would be willing to travel to meet my father in a coffee shop before I allowed my mother to behave like this with me or my children.

Yes, pretty much this. I don't have a good answer to your question. She does get mad from time to time and will stay away for a few weeks and then go back like nothing happened. I guess we all just accept her insanity and stay out of her way as best as we can.

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP with the Greek in laws and I revise my earlier statement. You cannot grit your teeth and get thru it. She is making a tense environment in your house, your kids are walking on egg shells and she’s yelling at them. Absolutely not acceptable. It is their house and I am sure their life is stressful enough with homework and activities and college applications and friend drama etc. They deserve to be able to relax in their own home!

Pick one or two days a week she can come over. Every Wednesday or whatever day. She can threaten to move to Europe all the wants, let her!! If she screams and won’t come over for weeks, great! When she starts up again, remind her of the day(s) you are offering. You can keep trying to connect and do things outside of the home, but you have got to stop this.