At what point can I call CPS or can I at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has lost her mind. My 2yr old nephew is losing weight at an alarming weight because of her “healthy” eating obsession. He has a very restricted diet, minimal carbs, never had sugar, and no snacking is allowed. She read a book about how the French do not believe in snacking and their kids are better eaters so he can never have food outside of meal times. Fruit is considered a treat. He got a banana in his Christmas stocking and was allowed to eat the whole thing for the first time.

About 2 months ago he stopped breastfeeding and ever since he stopped he is looking malnourished. She will not be giving him any whole milk or milk substitutes. Heck she doesn’t even let him drink much water as she is trying to potty train. He can only have a small sip every 30mins.


He is constantly sick, but he doesn’t go to the doctor so he’s never had any weight checks. What happens with kids like this? What can I do? My mother has tried to approach it and she cut her off.

What book? The French have an entire extra meal dedicated to a sweet afternoon snack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has lost her mind. My 2yr old nephew is losing weight at an alarming weight because of her “healthy” eating obsession. He has a very restricted diet, minimal carbs, never had sugar, and no snacking is allowed. She read a book about how the French do not believe in snacking and their kids are better eaters so he can never have food outside of meal times. Fruit is considered a treat. He got a banana in his Christmas stocking and was allowed to eat the whole thing for the first time.

About 2 months ago he stopped breastfeeding and ever since he stopped he is looking malnourished. She will not be giving him any whole milk or milk substitutes. Heck she doesn’t even let him drink much water as she is trying to potty train. He can only have a small sip every 30mins.


He is constantly sick, but he doesn’t go to the doctor so he’s never had any weight checks. What happens with kids like this? What can I do? My mother has tried to approach it and she cut her off.

What book? The French have an entire extra meal dedicated to a sweet afternoon snack.

Probably French Kids Eat Everything which seems like a manual for creating disordered eating. Strict rules about eating isn't flexibility.

[Anonymous]

A two tiered approach is called for here.

First, call CPS on her. But know they are extremely busy because there are far more kids who are neglected abused than CPS staff could ever dream of helping.

Second, you need to personally take up the slack by regularly visiting to make sure she’s following the CPS conditions and properly caring for her kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for calling CPS, from someone who does not have a lot of faith in "the system."

The lack of vaccines is troubling, but not grounds for intervention. However, the malnourishment and lack of any contact with medical professionals is a real issue.

Even if CPS doesn't act now, I agree with the PP that getting these kids on someone's radar screen is going to be critical, particularly if they are not going to be enrolled in school.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, I do think that you (or your mom) need to call CPS, yes.

Your concerns + the fact that he has never seen a doctor = definitely call.

Dietary restrictions, being skinny, and even seeming “constantly sick” (which is not necessarily abnormal at this age) can certainly be misjudged by family members. Which I am not saying is the case here, but surely it happens. But even IF I were to give your sister the benefit of the doubt on that….the child is not being regularly being seen by a doctor. So this 100% definitely warrants a call IMO.

[Anonymous]

You may also want to contact a county mental health intervention team—it sounds like anorexia by proxy. Write out a detailed account of your concerns. She is a threat to her child.

Her county of residence would handle this incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, I do think that you (or your mom) need to call CPS, yes.

Your concerns + the fact that he has never seen a doctor = definitely call.

Dietary restrictions, being skinny, and even seeming “constantly sick” (which is not necessarily abnormal at this age) can certainly be misjudged by family members. Which I am not saying is the case here, but surely it happens. But even IF I were to give your sister the benefit of the doubt on that….the child is not being regularly being seen by a doctor. So this 100% definitely warrants a call IMO.

But with trumps directives, it’s ok for parents to withhold medical care from kids.

[Anonymous]

If you call CPS, your sister will know a relative called, right? Who else would have known? She's going to be mad. PP has a point about your mother calling and not you, if you fear that your sister would block the CPS caller.

I agree that a 2 year old losing weight is very concerning. My autistic toddler was in failure to thrive, through sensory issues. I spent 2 hours PER MEAL trying to get him to eat, whatever he wanted. It was hell. It breaks my heart that a parent would deliberately starve their child.

Also, I'm French and she's got completely the wrong idea about eating in France! We don't snack at all hours, that's true, but we eat full meals, and the kids have a 4pm afternoon snack, usually a pastry or chocolate-laden monstrosity. So not particularly clean-eating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Someone else asked what he's eating at meals, I'm curious about this too. What does he eat? Obviously no sugar and no fruit and no snacks, probably no processed foods at all? Some kids in that situation will happily eat what their parents give them, even if it's like unseasoned tofu, dense whole grain bread, and raw kale. Other kids will just eat nothing (that is what my kid would do, she has sensory issues that impact her eating and will go hungry rather than eat something unpalatable). My feelings about this are different depending on whether his basic nutritional needs are being met or not.

He's a two year old losing weight, so I think you can guess the answer to this one.

We only have ops word that he's losing weight and some weightloss is normal at 2 as kids transition from chubby infant.

[Anonymous]

You call and you call TODAY. There are plenty of us who have been in a similar situation and had to make the call. We say this from experience. Protect the child and don't worry about your sister. This child needs you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can call CPS but kids are not even removed from homes where rats are running around so good luck.

Sadly, CPS won't be able to do much unless he is in imminent danger.

But, it's worth a try.

I'd just offer to take my nephew very often and try to give them some normal days.

This is why going to school is so important, and why free breakfast and lunch is important, often it's the safest and healthiest hours in the day.

I agree this probably warrants a call to CPS if the kid is always sick and looks severely malnourished. But OP hasn't even talked to her sister about this (only mom has), so it might be worth a shot to propose taking the kid to the doctor with her sister (and offering to pay for the appointment) and see if sister is willing to try to keep her kid healthy with a lot of strong supports around her.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully the pediatrician will catch it at their next appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a troll. You can tell by all the tidbits of info she keeps dropping. Oh, wait, he's not vaccinated. Oh, wait, he's not going to go to school. What's next, OP?

Could be, but in my mind a lot of these things often tend to “trend together”. The anti-vax, anti medicine, unusual diet, homeschooling, extended breastfeeding etc. I’ve met a few families like this over the years.

Yes, it tracks. The parents who do this don't go to doctors, because they know they're implementing methods that are frowned upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Someone else asked what he's eating at meals, I'm curious about this too. What does he eat? Obviously no sugar and no fruit and no snacks, probably no processed foods at all? Some kids in that situation will happily eat what their parents give them, even if it's like unseasoned tofu, dense whole grain bread, and raw kale. Other kids will just eat nothing (that is what my kid would do, she has sensory issues that impact her eating and will go hungry rather than eat something unpalatable). My feelings about this are different depending on whether his basic nutritional needs are being met or not.

He's a two year old losing weight, so I think you can guess the answer to this one.

PP here. OP doesn't know for sure he's losing weight, and its can be deceptive with kids because they are always growing. A kid can gain weight and look skinnier because they got taller. I've been through this with my own kid, whose weight I watch very closely because of the food aversion issues. There have been several occasions when I was worried she was losing weight but then we'd check it and she was always gaining, but all in height. Which is a good sign! It means her body is getting enough nutrients to stay on the growth curve, even if she's very thin.

Obviously if OP's nephew is actually losing weight, this is a huge problem and needs to be addressed. Which is why I vote for calling CPS, especially since the child isn't doing regular well visits so there is no one checking to make sure he's growing, and he's not enrolled in school or camp or anything that would require regular physicals. But I wouldn't assume based on what OP has said that he's malnourished. I know from personal experience that some kids are just very thin, and that our expectations about what a "healthy" kid looks like can be narrow and not accommodate a fairly broad range of body types. But yes, someone needs to actually find out since his mom refuses to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Someone else asked what he's eating at meals, I'm curious about this too. What does he eat? Obviously no sugar and no fruit and no snacks, probably no processed foods at all? Some kids in that situation will happily eat what their parents give them, even if it's like unseasoned tofu, dense whole grain bread, and raw kale. Other kids will just eat nothing (that is what my kid would do, she has sensory issues that impact her eating and will go hungry rather than eat something unpalatable). My feelings about this are different depending on whether his basic nutritional needs are being met or not.

He's a two year old losing weight, so I think you can guess the answer to this one.

PP here. OP doesn't know for sure he's losing weight, and its can be deceptive with kids because they are always growing. A kid can gain weight and look skinnier because they got taller. I've been through this with my own kid, whose weight I watch very closely because of the food aversion issues. There have been several occasions when I was worried she was losing weight but then we'd check it and she was always gaining, but all in height. Which is a good sign! It means her body is getting enough nutrients to stay on the growth curve, even if she's very thin.

Obviously if OP's nephew is actually losing weight, this is a huge problem and needs to be addressed. Which is why I vote for calling CPS, especially since the child isn't doing regular well visits so there is no one checking to make sure he's growing, and he's not enrolled in school or camp or anything that would require regular physicals. But I wouldn't assume based on what OP has said that he's malnourished. I know from personal experience that some kids are just very thin, and that our expectations about what a "healthy" kid looks like can be narrow and not accommodate a fairly broad range of body types. But yes, someone needs to actually find out since his mom refuses to.

+1

2 of 3 kids (now all healthy teens) have always been thin, which is not a problem in and of itself. But they have also always seen the pediatrician regularly. A bystander isn’t qualified to judge either way, but since mom refuses to take him to the doctor- the only way to really know is to have CPS do a welfare check. I’d say it is warranted here, based on the information given.

Even if these are just busybody relatives whose concerns are unwarranted (which I am not saying is the case) - these concerns could’ve easily been remedied by taking the child for a checkup at the doctor.