How to deal with teen DD and her BF

[Anonymous]

Just want to weight in to say that bc pill is great for people who do well on it but I absolutely could not tolerate it (insane pmdd like symptoms on it each time I tried it over the course of 10 years.)

make sure to tell yiur teens that mood symptoms are a possibility and also have a lookout for them yourself.

(I know someone is going to say i am a right wing shill badmouthing the pill for weird tradwife reasons but I’m definitely not. If the pill works well without significant side effects for your daughter that’s terrific!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body as an unmarried teenager while emphasizing its her body her choice.

Then I would share the unpleasant but true reality that women bear nearly all of the risk and consequences of sex. I plan to have this talk with my daughter well before age 16.

Next I would make sure that she understands most men don’t equate sex with love and will happily have sex with almost anyone. There is often very little correlation with the desire for a romantic relationship. So few women understand this reality.

Then I would share with her the many ways men coerce, deceive and manipulate women (especially young and foolish girls) into unwanted sex acts which are often violent and harmful.

Then I would tell her she is special and loved and encourage her to seek medical care.

This isn't true. While men can more easily disconnect sex from emotion, many men care greatly for their romantic partners and sex is very connected to that and a way to feel that connection. Men are humans and they need and want love and care just like women do. If you have boys you would know they also desire romantic relationships, want to love and be loved, care deeply, feel heartbreak etc. Men and women can both be manipulative and her boyfriend is most likely just as much a young and foolish boy as she is a young and foolish girls. Do you want her boyfriend's dad warning him about all the ways women are horrible and awful, and how women will try to mess with him? Do not teach sexist tropes to your sons or daughters. Embedding misogynistic or misandristic views in your kids is really poor parenting.

I am not sure if you are being disingenuous, or are simply naive and uninformed about biological differences between the sexes.

The reality is that men on average significantly prefer more sexual variety than women, and statistically are less likely to experience the same feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment when engaging in sexual activities. This is not my opinion, or an expression of “misandry”, it is a well researched fact. It is not “right” or “wrong” that these differences exist, it is simply how things are; on average across populations. Does this mean that the boyfriend is going to start having sex with other girls tomorrow? Does that mean all men are cheaters? Of course not.

Another scientific fact that is documented across virtually every human society that has ever existed is that male sexuality is inherently predatory in ways that female sexuality is not. Does this mean that most men are sexually predators? Of course not. Does this mean that women don’t have their own flaws? Of course not.

However most Americans are unaware of these realities with are both well documented and common sense; either because of simple ignorance, science denialism, or misguided views of feminism which claim that men and women are equal.

No where am I claiming that “men are awful” or women are innocent angels. Only that male sexuality is extremely different than female sexuality and denying this reality almost harms women to benefit of men.

Given you started your post with "ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body", I am going to go with you being the one who really is off the deep end. Most of us are well aware of the biological differences between men and women however that doesn't translate into our conversations with our teen sons and daughters being focused on all the worst traits of the other sex. We don't focus on how horrible women or men can be and list off all our personal values about what makes the other sex awful humans. It is not factual in any way that for men there is no correlation between sex and desire / feelings for their partner. That they are just emotionally disconnected sex robots - there is no research that supports that this is a biological difference. If you read the experience of men, some actually speak to feeling emotionally closer to their partners through sex. But you clearly showed you had lost the plot when you talk about sex as enabling male sexual access to her body. For many people, sex is a shared experience that both enjoy, take pleasure from, and that both engage in, sharing their bodies with each other. Neither need to gain anything else from the other to engage in consensual, pleasurable sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to weight in to say that bc pill is great for people who do well on it but I absolutely could not tolerate it (insane pmdd like symptoms on it each time I tried it over the course of 10 years.)

make sure to tell yiur teens that mood symptoms are a possibility and also have a lookout for them yourself.

(I know someone is going to say i am a right wing shill badmouthing the pill for weird tradwife reasons but I’m definitely not. If the pill works well without significant side effects for your daughter that’s terrific!)

I'm a guy, so I can't speak with any direct experience, but I know my girlfriends in college had various problems with birth control pills. They used other things Nuvaring, IUDs, a patch. Those all seemed to work well for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body as an unmarried teenager while emphasizing its her body her choice.

Then I would share the unpleasant but true reality that women bear nearly all of the risk and consequences of sex. I plan to have this talk with my daughter well before age 16.

Next I would make sure that she understands most men don’t equate sex with love and will happily have sex with almost anyone. There is often very little correlation with the desire for a romantic relationship. So few women understand this reality.

Then I would share with her the many ways men coerce, deceive and manipulate women (especially young and foolish girls) into unwanted sex acts which are often violent and harmful.

Then I would tell her she is special and loved and encourage her to seek medical care.

This isn't true. While men can more easily disconnect sex from emotion, many men care greatly for their romantic partners and sex is very connected to that and a way to feel that connection. Men are humans and they need and want love and care just like women do. If you have boys you would know they also desire romantic relationships, want to love and be loved, care deeply, feel heartbreak etc. Men and women can both be manipulative and her boyfriend is most likely just as much a young and foolish boy as she is a young and foolish girls. Do you want her boyfriend's dad warning him about all the ways women are horrible and awful, and how women will try to mess with him? Do not teach sexist tropes to your sons or daughters. Embedding misogynistic or misandristic views in your kids is really poor parenting.

I am not sure if you are being disingenuous, or are simply naive and uninformed about biological differences between the sexes.

The reality is that men on average significantly prefer more sexual variety than women, and statistically are less likely to experience the same feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment when engaging in sexual activities. This is not my opinion, or an expression of “misandry”, it is a well researched fact. It is not “right” or “wrong” that these differences exist, it is simply how things are; on average across populations. Does this mean that the boyfriend is going to start having sex with other girls tomorrow? Does that mean all men are cheaters? Of course not.

Another scientific fact that is documented across virtually every human society that has ever existed is that male sexuality is inherently predatory in ways that female sexuality is not. Does this mean that most men are sexually predators? Of course not. Does this mean that women don’t have their own flaws? Of course not.

However most Americans are unaware of these realities with are both well documented and common sense; either because of simple ignorance, science denialism, or misguided views of feminism which claim that men and women are equal.

No where am I claiming that “men are awful” or women are innocent angels. Only that male sexuality is extremely different than female sexuality and denying this reality almost harms women to benefit of men.

Given you started your post with "ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body", I am going to go with you being the one who really is off the deep end. Most of us are well aware of the biological differences between men and women however that doesn't translate into our conversations with our teen sons and daughters being focused on all the worst traits of the other sex. We don't focus on how horrible women or men can be and list off all our personal values about what makes the other sex awful humans. It is not factual in any way that for men there is no correlation between sex and desire / feelings for their partner. That they are just emotionally disconnected sex robots - there is no research that supports that this is a biological difference. If you read the experience of men, some actually speak to feeling emotionally closer to their partners through sex. But you clearly showed you had lost the plot when you talk about sex as enabling male sexual access to her body. For many people, sex is a shared experience that both enjoy, take pleasure from, and that both engage in, sharing their bodies with each other. Neither need to gain anything else from the other to engage in consensual, pleasurable sex.

Ah, I see that you are being disingenuous. Your entire rant is making up statements that were never written. Please stop misquoting me, you are making up arguments to refute imaginary claims.

No where did I say that no men feel emotionally connected to their partner after sex.

No where did I equate men to sex robots or claim that scientific research compared men to sex robots.

No where did I say that that sex can’t be a mutually pleasant consensual endeavor.

No where did I say that men are horrible or awful humans because significantly more of them compared to women enjoy casual encounters and violent sexual activities.

No where did I say that we should focus our energy on teaching children that men/women are “awful humans”.

No where did I say our conversations with our children should focus on the worst traits of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to allow it or encourage it in your home. You can let her know you feel she is too young, or that it is against your values, and that you do not want her having sex in your home if she chooses to continue to be in a sexual relationship.

At the same time, you would ensure she is on birth control, has access to condoms and understands her own body and reproduction and pregnancy. She should know that sexual intimacy can be complex and has physical and emotional bonds. She should know about consent for herself and her boyfriend, ensuring she has consent before initiating any sexual contact, and is being clear about consent immediately upon any initiated sexual contact.

She should also have a health care provider she can talk to about her sexual health.

This describes my approach so far, just need to get her an appointment with a medical professional. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body as an unmarried teenager while emphasizing its her body her choice.

Then I would share the unpleasant but true reality that women bear nearly all of the risk and consequences of sex. I plan to have this talk with my daughter well before age 16.

Next I would make sure that she understands most men don’t equate sex with love and will happily have sex with almost anyone. There is often very little correlation with the desire for a romantic relationship. So few women understand this reality.

Then I would share with her the many ways men coerce, deceive and manipulate women (especially young and foolish girls) into unwanted sex acts which are often violent and harmful.

Then I would tell her she is special and loved and encourage her to seek medical care.

This isn't true. While men can more easily disconnect sex from emotion, many men care greatly for their romantic partners and sex is very connected to that and a way to feel that connection. Men are humans and they need and want love and care just like women do. If you have boys you would know they also desire romantic relationships, want to love and be loved, care deeply, feel heartbreak etc. Men and women can both be manipulative and her boyfriend is most likely just as much a young and foolish boy as she is a young and foolish girls. Do you want her boyfriend's dad warning him about all the ways women are horrible and awful, and how women will try to mess with him? Do not teach sexist tropes to your sons or daughters. Embedding misogynistic or misandristic views in your kids is really poor parenting.

I am not sure if you are being disingenuous, or are simply naive and uninformed about biological differences between the sexes.

The reality is that men on average significantly prefer more sexual variety than women, and statistically are less likely to experience the same feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment when engaging in sexual activities. This is not my opinion, or an expression of “misandry”, it is a well researched fact. It is not “right” or “wrong” that these differences exist, it is simply how things are; on average across populations. Does this mean that the boyfriend is going to start having sex with other girls tomorrow? Does that mean all men are cheaters? Of course not.

Another scientific fact that is documented across virtually every human society that has ever existed is that male sexuality is inherently predatory in ways that female sexuality is not. Does this mean that most men are sexually predators? Of course not. Does this mean that women don’t have their own flaws? Of course not.

However most Americans are unaware of these realities with are both well documented and common sense; either because of simple ignorance, science denialism, or misguided views of feminism which claim that men and women are equal.

No where am I claiming that “men are awful” or women are innocent angels. Only that male sexuality is extremely different than female sexuality and denying this reality almost harms women to benefit of men.

Given you started your post with "ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body", I am going to go with you being the one who really is off the deep end. Most of us are well aware of the biological differences between men and women however that doesn't translate into our conversations with our teen sons and daughters being focused on all the worst traits of the other sex. We don't focus on how horrible women or men can be and list off all our personal values about what makes the other sex awful humans. It is not factual in any way that for men there is no correlation between sex and desire / feelings for their partner. That they are just emotionally disconnected sex robots - there is no research that supports that this is a biological difference. If you read the experience of men, some actually speak to feeling emotionally closer to their partners through sex. But you clearly showed you had lost the plot when you talk about sex as enabling male sexual access to her body. For many people, sex is a shared experience that both enjoy, take pleasure from, and that both engage in, sharing their bodies with each other. Neither need to gain anything else from the other to engage in consensual, pleasurable sex.

Ah, I see that you are being disingenuous. Your entire rant is making up statements that were never written. Please stop misquoting me, you are making up arguments to refute imaginary claims.

No where did I say that no men feel emotionally connected to their partner after sex.

No where did I equate men to sex robots or claim that scientific research compared men to sex robots.

No where did I say that that sex can’t be a mutually pleasant consensual endeavor.

No where did I say that men are horrible or awful humans because significantly more of them compared to women enjoy casual encounters and violent sexual activities.

No where did I say that we should focus our energy on teaching children that men/women are “awful humans”.

No where did I say our conversations with our children should focus on the worst traits of the opposite sex.

You don't even remember what you wrote. I get its new years eve and maybe you are under the influence but go back and read your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow, 15 seems so young. I second the visit to the gyn or planned parenthood for birth control and sexual health conversations.

This
Op also brace for the range of emotions that come along with w being intimate..
Especially when things end as they usually do.

Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would probably ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body as an unmarried teenager while emphasizing its her body her choice.

Then I would share the unpleasant but true reality that women bear nearly all of the risk and consequences of sex. I plan to have this talk with my daughter well before age 16.

Next I would make sure that she understands most men don’t equate sex with love and will happily have sex with almost anyone. There is often very little correlation with the desire for a romantic relationship. So few women understand this reality.

Then I would share with her the many ways men coerce, deceive and manipulate women (especially young and foolish girls) into unwanted sex acts which are often violent and harmful.

Then I would tell her she is special and loved and encourage her to seek medical care.

This isn't true. While men can more easily disconnect sex from emotion, many men care greatly for their romantic partners and sex is very connected to that and a way to feel that connection. Men are humans and they need and want love and care just like women do. If you have boys you would know they also desire romantic relationships, want to love and be loved, care deeply, feel heartbreak etc. Men and women can both be manipulative and her boyfriend is most likely just as much a young and foolish boy as she is a young and foolish girls. Do you want her boyfriend's dad warning him about all the ways women are horrible and awful, and how women will try to mess with him? Do not teach sexist tropes to your sons or daughters. Embedding misogynistic or misandristic views in your kids is really poor parenting.

I am not sure if you are being disingenuous, or are simply naive and uninformed about biological differences between the sexes.

The reality is that men on average significantly prefer more sexual variety than women, and statistically are less likely to experience the same feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment when engaging in sexual activities. This is not my opinion, or an expression of “misandry”, it is a well researched fact. It is not “right” or “wrong” that these differences exist, it is simply how things are; on average across populations. Does this mean that the boyfriend is going to start having sex with other girls tomorrow? Does that mean all men are cheaters? Of course not.

Another scientific fact that is documented across virtually every human society that has ever existed is that male sexuality is inherently predatory in ways that female sexuality is not. Does this mean that most men are sexually predators? Of course not. Does this mean that women don’t have their own flaws? Of course not.

However most Americans are unaware of these realities with are both well documented and common sense; either because of simple ignorance, science denialism, or misguided views of feminism which claim that men and women are equal.

No where am I claiming that “men are awful” or women are innocent angels. Only that male sexuality is extremely different than female sexuality and denying this reality almost harms women to benefit of men.

Given you started your post with "ask her inquisitively what she hopes to gain by enabling male sexual access to her body", I am going to go with you being the one who really is off the deep end. Most of us are well aware of the biological differences between men and women however that doesn't translate into our conversations with our teen sons and daughters being focused on all the worst traits of the other sex. We don't focus on how horrible women or men can be and list off all our personal values about what makes the other sex awful humans. It is not factual in any way that for men there is no correlation between sex and desire / feelings for their partner. That they are just emotionally disconnected sex robots - there is no research that supports that this is a biological difference. If you read the experience of men, some actually speak to feeling emotionally closer to their partners through sex. But you clearly showed you had lost the plot when you talk about sex as enabling male sexual access to her body. For many people, sex is a shared experience that both enjoy, take pleasure from, and that both engage in, sharing their bodies with each other. Neither need to gain anything else from the other to engage in consensual, pleasurable sex.

Ah, I see that you are being disingenuous. Your entire rant is making up statements that were never written. Please stop misquoting me, you are making up arguments to refute imaginary claims.

No where did I say that no men feel emotionally connected to their partner after sex.

No where did I equate men to sex robots or claim that scientific research compared men to sex robots.

No where did I say that that sex can’t be a mutually pleasant consensual endeavor.

No where did I say that men are horrible or awful humans because significantly more of them compared to women enjoy casual encounters and violent sexual activities.

No where did I say that we should focus our energy on teaching children that men/women are “awful humans”.

No where did I say our conversations with our children should focus on the worst traits of the opposite sex.

You don't even remember what you wrote. I get its new years eve and maybe you are under the influence but go back and read your post.

NP. Got it, your point is “not all men” - it’s as useless a comment as ever and especially irrelevant to this thread.