How to pay for funeral arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Thanks for all the replies.

Dad was military buried with veterans so we need to buy a plot. I like the idea of buying that now. (I will speak with her about that). Also- I didn’t know you can pre-pay arrangements. I will call local funeral home and ask how that process works.

Depending on his situation, she may be entitled to a free burial as well. I don't know if we'd use it but my husband is a retiree and we both get a free burial but have to pay for other stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do a budget cremation for around $1k. It’s absurd to blow $15k-$20k on a funeral.

15-20k is crazy. Does she want a big service and all the bells and whistles? My mom recently died and cremation was $1,500. we had small gathering at house

OP:

Yes- her church family alone plus family it will be a big service.

Okay, so she's a church member. This is relevant.

For my father we paid for cremation. The cost wasn't high.
Definitely talk to your mother now about what she wants in terms of last wishes. If she wants to be buried, you'll need a plot. If she wants to be cremated, then where would she like her ashes to be kept.

Then you're also paying $500 or so (more if they say it's more) for the pastor to perform the funeral service. If she is a member of a small to medium sized church, the church members will arrange and will bring the food for the funeral repast. Or, if you want to do it yourself you can. My father was a member of a Catholic church so the family was responsible for the food, but at my Presbyterian church, if the person was active in the church and the funeral is in the church, the church kind of takes care of it. We are accustomed to these things.

Then we invited out of town family over to our home for drinks and food the night before and then food and drinks the day of the funeral. All told, maybe we paid 3K. My mother is still living, so she paid directly, but if she hadn't been I would have paid for it and then received reimbursement from the estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Thanks for all the replies.

Dad was military buried with veterans so we need to buy a plot. I like the idea of buying that now. (I will speak with her about that). Also- I didn’t know you can pre-pay arrangements. I will call local funeral home and ask how that process works.

Depending on his situation, she may be entitled to a free burial as well. I don't know if we'd use it but my husband is a retiree and we both get a free burial but have to pay for other stuff.

Yes, my wife's grandfather was buried at Arlington and his wife was cremated and her ashes were interred in his burial plot.

[Anonymous]

You pay for her funeral yourself and when her estate distributes, you reimburse yourself on her estate. This is what people I know have done. It's also why you need to make sure she writes a will, so the estate is resolved rapidly. Otherwise it can take years.

Or you disburse the money from her own account at her death. Even with power of attorney, I'm not sure how legal that is.

Or she can prepay, but not a lot of elderly people like to do that... My grandfather did it, but my parents are not the sort to accept their mortality in such a practical way.

[Anonymous]

Also, most states have non-profit cremation societies that offer many of the same services as a funeral home (minus embalming, of course) but at a reasonable price without upselling or predatory approaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You pay for her funeral yourself and when her estate distributes, you reimburse yourself on her estate. This is what people I know have done. It's also why you need to make sure she writes a will, so the estate is resolved rapidly. Otherwise it can take years.

Or you disburse the money from her own account at her death. Even with power of attorney, I'm not sure how legal that is.

Or she can prepay, but not a lot of elderly people like to do that... My grandfather did it, but my parents are not the sort to accept their mortality in such a practical way.

POA dissolves at death and accounts are frozen. Checks will bounce. Credit cards can stay open for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Thanks for all the replies.

Dad was military buried with veterans so we need to buy a plot. I like the idea of buying that now. (I will speak with her about that). Also- I didn’t know you can pre-pay arrangements. I will call local funeral home and ask how that process works.

My stepfather is buried at a VA cemetery. When my mother died she went in with him.
Check it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You pay for her funeral yourself and when her estate distributes, you reimburse yourself on her estate. This is what people I know have done. It's also why you need to make sure she writes a will, so the estate is resolved rapidly. Otherwise it can take years.

Or you disburse the money from her own account at her death. Even with power of attorney, I'm not sure how legal that is.

Or she can prepay, but not a lot of elderly people like to do that... My grandfather did it, but my parents are not the sort to accept their mortality in such a practical way.

POA dissolves at death and accounts are frozen. Checks will bounce. Credit cards can stay open for a while.

Right. But how does the bank know until they get the death certificate? What happens if they see 5K going out 24hrs after the death to a funeral home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think funeral home would just need a deposit then pay balance within 30 days. I would call and ask. I would be careful about taking that money out now because you will bump up how much she owes in taxes.

As a person who buried their dad last December, I can confirm that the funeral home wanted all fees paid ahead of the funeral. My dad had partially paid for his funeral expenses, and I paid the balance. You could always pay the expenses and reimburse yourself once you settle the estate. Just be sure to keep track of the receipts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You pay for her funeral yourself and when her estate distributes, you reimburse yourself on her estate. This is what people I know have done. It's also why you need to make sure she writes a will, so the estate is resolved rapidly. Otherwise it can take years.

Or you disburse the money from her own account at her death. Even with power of attorney, I'm not sure how legal that is.

Or she can prepay, but not a lot of elderly people like to do that... My grandfather did it, but my parents are not the sort to accept their mortality in such a practical way.

POA dissolves at death and accounts are frozen. Checks will bounce. Credit cards can stay open for a while.

Right. But how does the bank know until they get the death certificate? What happens if they see 5K going out 24hrs after the death to a funeral home?

Set up the account to have Payable on Death to you and your siblings. Then you have the money quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

Thanks for all the replies.

Dad was military buried with veterans so we need to buy a plot. I like the idea of buying that now. (I will speak with her about that). Also- I didn’t know you can pre-pay arrangements. I will call local funeral home and ask how that process works.

Is he in a veterans cemetery? Usually they bury the spouse in the same plot as the service member (most are vaulted and have multiple layers). The headstone will have the service member on the front, and the spouse (and sometimes minor children) on the back.

This. And it’s very reasonable (free?). You could even have a party where your mom lives and then cremate and bury the urn with your dad.

I would want my parents to be buried together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You pay for her funeral yourself and when her estate distributes, you reimburse yourself on her estate. This is what people I know have done. It's also why you need to make sure she writes a will, so the estate is resolved rapidly. Otherwise it can take years.

Or you disburse the money from her own account at her death. Even with power of attorney, I'm not sure how legal that is.

Or she can prepay, but not a lot of elderly people like to do that... My grandfather did it, but my parents are not the sort to accept their mortality in such a practical way.

POA dissolves at death and accounts are frozen. Checks will bounce. Credit cards can stay open for a while.

Right. But how does the bank know until they get the death certificate? What happens if they see 5K going out 24hrs after the death to a funeral home?

You could get in trouble for fraud if you knowingly violate the terms of the POA by writing a check after death. But a credit card won’t care.

[Anonymous]

My parents kept cash in a fireproof box in their walk in closet for just this purpose. There was plenty of cash to pay for the funeral and a nice reception for the family and friends who were there. And we didn’t have to worry about getting a death certificate for the bank or broker to release funds for us.

The problem with cash though, which is a pretty obvious problem, is that someone can easily fudge about how much was there and put a fair amount into their own pocket. This is what happened in my family, unfortunately. So be aware of that if you decide to go that route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know prepays their funeral costs. Since you only said mom, would she be buried next to your dad or near her parents?

But yes, I personally wouldn't spend 10-15k on a funeral. Rent out a room at a restaurant and have a memorial dinner instead. While I do enjoy graveside services, I do not like wakes or anything else at the funeral home. They just seem like a waste.

This. My family has memorial services at a later date. At the church the elder attended.

I won't have one at all. I hope my kids will gather to share some thoughts. My small set of friends is widely scattered and my family tends to outlive their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but always wondered, what happens if you pre-pay for cremation and the place goes out of business? wouldn't you be out of luck.

No. When you pre-pay a funeral, you actually write the check to an insurance company that holds the money on behalf of the funeral home, for just this reason. There are specific insurance companies just for this -- my parents paid to "Funeral Directors Life".

ALso, here are the costs for a funeral/burial, including cremation, but not including the funeral plot (that was $3k).

$3000 Basic servcies of funeral director
$600 transfer of remains to funeral home
$650 funeral service at outside faciliity (my parents will do it at a church)
$400 weekend fee for funeral service
$300 vehicle fee for funeral service
$450 cremation fee

So that's $5,400 to have a cremation + funeral service at a church.

Then another $1,000 for the urn, flowers, and cremation container (urns must be encased in cement if buried in a plot)

Then $2k for death certificate, newpaper obituary, church fees.

So that's a bit over $8k, but you can do it for about half of that if you skip having a service.