how reduce excess driving of 91-year-old parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He seems willing to take that risk, so you should probably let him live his life the way he wants unless he's deemed unfit by the state. Or move in with him and drive him around.

He’s endangering others. In our town, a ninety year old just drove straight into a coffee shop. Injured 5 people, caused enormous damage to the business and they’ve had to close for weeks now with repairs.

[Anonymous]

Self Driving car...like Tesla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father is 91 and still drives. Frequently, he drives about 1 mile through residential streets to visit one of his friends, but something he drives further. Today, he traveled about 12 miles (round trip) to buy some meat from a specialty butcher shop.

I live in the area and do his grocery shopping for him, and have told him that I'm happy to buy anything he needs. There was no need for him to drive to the butcher shop. I could have easily done that sometime in the next couple of days.

Ten years ago, I tried to convince my mother to reduce her driving. She didn't listen, and she ended up crashing her car into a brick wall at age 82, and getting seriously injured. She never regain full health, and died a couple years after the accident.

I'm concerned that history will repeat itself. My father's excessive driving is a constant source of worry for me and my wife. How can we convince him to stop this reckless behavior?

He probably doesn’t want to stay inside the house all day.I would take him each week to somewhere he wants to go. Maybe you could teach him how to use the bus or taxi (uber). Then he can go places on his own.

This is a reminder for everyone to think about where you want to live when you’re older. Public transportation, sidewalks and bike lanes (yes old people can bike) are all things every community should have. Access to parks and community centers are essential for people to have a community.

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing you can do. I’ve tried hiding keys, booting the car, having doctor revoke license, etc.
if there’s a will, there’s a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is doing it for social reasons so you need to offer him another way to see his fri nds.

+1

He drove to the butcher because he is bored.

Take the car’s distributor cap. Or crack the cap.

[Anonymous]

Disconnect as much of the car wiring as possible. Show him how to use Uber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need a 3rd party evaluation. If he is a bad driver, then he needs to be off the roads.

If he is still a good driver, not a lot you can do. And I guarantee taking his keys away when he's still capable will lead to a decline, and you'd lose him through that anyway.

And if he isn't a good driver, then he probably shouldn't be living alone. He needs to be social, and driving supports that.

You aren't getting that he doesn't want you running every little errand. He wants independence.

OP here. I don't mind the little trips down quiet residential streets. Visiting his nearby friends seems OK. But driving 12 miles to pick up a piece of meat doesn't make much sense. 12 miles isn't a "little errand". It is a lengthy trip through many major intersections.

If he’s not safe to drive, he shouldn’t even be taking short trips down quiet residential streets. If a kid runs in front of him, it might not cause him a major injury, but it would likely kill the child (which I assume would be emotionally devastating to your father). Have him evaluated and then you’ll either be reassured that he is safe to drive where he wants or you’ll have data to persuade/compel him to stop driving for everyone’s safety.

Honestly, if he kills a kid on a residential street, I'd be more concerned with the kid's family than with 91yo dad's emotional health.

Your wider point remains valid, driving is a binary thing. Either he's with it enough to drive or he's not.

[Anonymous]

1. Disable the car. Often you can just pull a couple wires.
2. Change one digit in the speed dial for their insurance company so they can’t reach them for a tow.
3. Promise to help look into what’s wrong. Have a friend pretend to be a mechanic and give them a complicated, but fake reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing you can do. I’ve tried hiding keys, booting the car, having doctor revoke license, etc.
if there’s a will, there’s a way.

How did he go around those measures?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is 91 and still drives. Frequently, he drives about 1 mile through residential streets to visit one of his friends, but something he drives further. Today, he traveled about 12 miles (round trip) to buy some meat from a specialty butcher shop.

I live in the area and do his grocery shopping for him, and have told him that I'm happy to buy anything he needs. There was no need for him to drive to the butcher shop. I could have easily done that sometime in the next couple of days.

Ten years ago, I tried to convince my mother to reduce her driving. She didn't listen, and she ended up crashing her car into a brick wall at age 82, and getting seriously injured. She never regain full health, and died a couple years after the accident.

I'm concerned that history will repeat itself. My father's excessive driving is a constant source of worry for me and my wife. How can we convince him to stop this reckless behavior?

He probably doesn’t want to stay inside the house all day.I would take him each week to somewhere he wants to go. Maybe you could teach him how to use the bus or taxi (uber). Then he can go places on his own.

This is a reminder for everyone to think about where you want to live when you’re older. Public transportation, sidewalks and bike lanes (yes old people can bike) are all things every community should have. Access to parks and community centers are essential for people to have a community.

This is very true! There should be no seniors in non walkable areas. Better yet, all areas should be walkable and transit accessible but that’s a big ask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do things for him. Do things with him.

It’s easy to say, but it’s hard to do things with an average old person. It’s like a job or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked for my father's keys. He said no. No problem said my brother, and disconnected the battery

Exactly. Your father can kill someone. He should not be driving.

[Anonymous]

Do you live in DC, OP?

see:
https://compassionandchoices.org/resource/an-introduction-to-medical-aid-in-dying-washington-d-c/

Otherwise look at other states in this list:
https://compassionandchoices.org/states-where-medical-aid-in-dying-is-authorized/

[Anonymous]

In my province in Canada at age 80 and every two years, you get an eye test and a few cognitive test questions. Doctors must report any medical condition that can impact driving. That also includes optometrists, etc. Kids don't report the parent.

[Anonymous]

My father was still a safe driver at 91. He had cataract surgery and was seeing better thab ever. OP hasn't said why the father's driving is unsafe.