Staying on SSRI to tolerate my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

That’s some messed up thinking. You are asking why I don’t love my spouse more than my own health and well-being.

Aren't you stigmatizing mental health medication by saying that? Would you feel the same if it was blood pressure medication?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

That’s some messed up thinking. You are asking why I don’t love my spouse more than my own health and well-being.

Aren't you stigmatizing mental health medication by saying that? Would you feel the same if it was blood pressure medication?

Quite the opposite - having an unsupportive husband who irritates you isn’t a reason to medicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

That’s some messed up thinking. You are asking why I don’t love my spouse more than my own health and well-being.

Aren't you stigmatizing mental health medication by saying that? Would you feel the same if it was blood pressure medication?

I’m trying to understand whether you are being purposefully dense. OP does not appear to suffer depression a chemical issue. There is no analogy to blood pressure medication: It appears she has depression related to being married for decades to a guy who can’t do much for their children. You don’t medicate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In like this but flipped
DH is on SSRI so i can tolerate him

Same my husband is on lexapro for “anger mgmt”. It doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

Op, hear me now and hear me clearly: Your mental illness is not your husband’s fault. Stop blaming him, stop deflecting, and take more personal accountability.

This + 1000. He is not responsible for your mental health so you need to take care of that and communicate with him for support and also go for therapy.

Ehh, he might be a total abusive jerk so and she tired the above many times over many years.

Now it’s time to emotional detach from him and live parallel lives married. Or plan the exit and get divorced. If kids are involved they is lots to consider and no good options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

He sounds terrible to be married to and live with- he is taking advantage of you and dumping everything on you.
He only works, eats the food you arranged, lives with n a nice house you arranged, and plays Disney Dad with the kids when convenient for him.

He should be showering you with thanks and gratitude regularly, AND managing more household functions and responsibilities.

Of course you resent him, he is disrespecting you through his actions, willful ignorance, and feigned incompetence.

If you don’t think HE has any executive function mental disorders, maybe he’d be a better parent and person divorced. And ness of a misogynist.

And you’d be run way less ragged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

Agree no worries on being in an SSRI- that’s one of three pillars to getting better. Meds, therapy, execise. And come up with a plan at therapy.

Maybe joint therapy would work with him- depends on his maturity level and if he takes accountability for his neglect and ignorance. And then makes the effort to change.

Many “men” won’t and don’t. So divorce it is or be miserable for longer. Either way the marriage is destroyed by him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In like this but flipped
DH is on SSRI so i can tolerate him

OP’s DH probably thinking the same

OP here. That’s exactly what he thinks. To him I’m the stereotypical crazy woman without the meds. Never would he call into question his role in driving me nuts.

Seriously?

And you’re raising sons with him?! Yikes. You are being mistreated and verbally abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this to stay with my xH. I was so depressed being with him I would get suicidal. For similar reasons, everything was 100% on me.

Eventually we ended up splitting anyway and I’m SO much happier. I’ll never compromise my physical or mental health for a man again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In like this but flipped
DH is on SSRI so i can tolerate him

OP’s DH probably thinking the same

OP here. That’s exactly what he thinks. To him I’m the stereotypical crazy woman without the meds. Never would he call into question his role in driving me nuts.

This is why meds are best in conjunction with therapy -- in your case, couples therapy. I'm sure the "truth" is somewhere in the middle and you and he aren't communicating effectively.

Don’t have couples therapy with an abuser, he’ll lie and lie and twist things up. Waste of time and money and most therapists are too stupid to care given the $$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

Why are you blaming your husband marriage for need for the SSRI, OP? You could just as easily have said that it is the stresses of your job that are putting you over the edge. He’s just a convenient punching bag.

For the sake of your kids, you need to do whatever it takes to keep their home intact.

Troll.

Why can’t their sells centered father “do whatever it takes” to be a real husband and father and homeowner?

Right now he’s a total freeloader misogynist who makes his wife do everything and then belittles her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

That’s some messed up thinking. You are asking why I don’t love my spouse more than my own health and well-being.

Aren't you stigmatizing mental health medication by saying that? Would you feel the same if it was blood pressure medication?

I’m trying to understand whether you are being purposefully dense. OP does not appear to suffer depression a chemical issue. There is no analogy to blood pressure medication: It appears she has depression related to being married for decades to a guy who can’t do much for their children. You don’t medicate that.

The kids aren't decades old.

And of course you medicate to stabilize moods.
OP needs her moods stabilized so she doesn't become a pressure cooker and then fly off the handle at a small reason.

I know somebody who is on an SSRI so that she can play sports - tennis specifically - without going nuclear at her partner or opponents.

Some people are just born without the extreme highs and lows and some people have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

Op, hear me now and hear me clearly: Your mental illness is not your husband’s fault. Stop blaming him, stop deflecting, and take more personal accountability.

Troll.

Of course living with a gaslighting deadweight is destabilizing.
op needs individual therapy to see her “husband” for what he is, then decide what she wants to do.
She can choose to ignore him like he ignores her. She can divorce and get 50% of her time and energy back. She can spend money like no tomorrow on cooks, cleaners, house managers, all inclusive vacations, tutors, drivers, coaches. She can get a super nanny for $100k a year and do more with her friends.

But no one can force an adult male to give two F’s about his family’s needs, schedule, and planning. He doesn’t care. He’ll yell at her to do it or the kids, whilst sitting back to n his phone or tv or golf or “weekend work.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, how is your sex life with DH? Has it changed at all after you went on SSRIs? your sex drive might drop.

Moot question.
wtf would sleep with that selfish ahole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nearly everyone hates their husband when their kids are young. The question is, if the husband were gone, do you think you would still need the SSRI to cope? It does not get easier doing things on your own.

Yes it does. She’s already doing everything on her own, but with a jerk ManChild.

Less mess
Less undermining
Less poor role modeling for the kids
Less tiptoeing around his bad moods.
Less verbal abuse from him.

Much easier and healthier for all.

Of course, you have to make peace with whatever BS he does during his visit time- krap food, late nights, skipped practices, tons of screen time, lost items, sitters or new girlfriends, his mother stepping in to help him or cause more issues.