Staying on SSRI to tolerate my husband

[Anonymous]

Are you in your 40s or 50s?

I would NOT stay on an SSRI just for my husband. Are his infractions that piss you off truly valid or are you hormonal/stressed/over the marriage? Work on what's pissing you off don't cover it with medication.

I understand how you feel though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

[Anonymous]

I would recast it as it is giving you more margin to handle the many stresses of your life.

It's not a terrible reason. It's common for women in their forties to become enraged by things that didn't used to enrage them. It's not that the reasons are not legit, but at the same time you might want to emerge from this period still married.

[Anonymous]

Its common in your mid 40s to become angry by things that were legitimate reasons to be angry all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

If he doesn't do any of the planning hes not a great dad.

This. Sounds like a lousy husband & father.

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

My retired friend stays on it to deal with her newly retired husband. She went off but had to go back on because of being around him. May not be a rare situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

It’s an enormous source of stress when someone you love and who should be equally invested in the marriage and parenting is instead a free rider who requires you to mother him as well, essentially. And then he also wants you to be hot for him and it can be hard to feel sexually stimulated by someone who feel like a teenager you’re raising.

Of course this leads to anxiety and depression, and many women have to take meds to maintain their even keel in marriage. Marriage is exploitative of the vast majority of wives, which is stressful and basically abusive - and many women on top of that experience actual verbal, emotional and physical abuse at one level or another across the duration of their marriages.

There is no shame - and you are very much not alone - in needing psych meds to endure the parameters of your primary relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

Op, hear me now and hear me clearly: Your mental illness is not your husband’s fault. Stop blaming him, stop deflecting, and take more personal accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on an SSRI to deal with my very difficult SN child.

Its better than the alternative. Stay on it.

I would stay on an SSRI to be a better parent. I would not stay on an SSRI to be a better wife (or one who could tolerate better or to be a better employee.

NP. That's pretty harsh to not value a husband the same as one's offspring.

I would do it if there weren't side effects or a forming addiction.

Why should spouse take medication to tolerate the other adult’s issues? You brought your children into this world, it’s literally your job to give them your best. Marriage is equal partnership between two adults.

That's true but if you love someone still and promised them "forever" maybe it's worth this compromise if you are so irritated with them?

Kids go through the stages. The homelife might improve on its own.

That’s some messed up thinking. You are asking why I don’t love my spouse more than my own health and well-being.

[Anonymous]

Op, how is your sex life with DH? Has it changed at all after you went on SSRIs? your sex drive might drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My doc put me on 10mg of an SSRI last year because I was feeling overwhelmed. I have a job that I like but that requires nonstop active management, my husband has a demanding job, and we have two young boys.

Like a lot of other women, the mental load of the kids is mine, all mine. My husband is very present and a great dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s ever bought an article of clothing for them, or a present for their friend’s bday party, or any of the daily planning.

I was feeling better over the summer and tried to ween off of the SSRI but my marriage took a huge hit. When I didn’t have that boost, I was easily pissed off by even the slightest nonsense from my husband, and I made it known.

I felt bad for the kids and our family dynamic so I went back on it after a few months.

I feel ridiculous even writing this sentence: is it normal to have to stay on an antidepressant to keep a marriage?

I don’t want to divorce because when things are good, they’re really good, but I don’t have the strength unmedicated to put up with my husband.

He means well but he’s just so clueless. It’s not just the mental load. It’s the dumb things he’s capable of saying, a complete unawareness. I sound bitter but I’m mostly sad that I’m so frustrated by someone I also very much love.

Op, hear me now and hear me clearly: Your mental illness is not your husband’s fault. Stop blaming him, stop deflecting, and take more personal accountability.

This + 1000. He is not responsible for your mental health so you need to take care of that and communicate with him for support and also go for therapy.

[Anonymous]

Nearly everyone hates their husband when their kids are young. The question is, if the husband were gone, do you think you would still need the SSRI to cope? It does not get easier doing things on your own.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question ->> no, you shouldn’t have to take medication in order to sustain your marriage.

At all.
Antidepressants are to take when you are suffering from depression - - plain & simple.

I know you love your husband but if living w/him is not bearable then you need to address that aspect.
Preferably through counseling - whether individual or marital.

I wish you the best!