How to handle if you’re always making mistakes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

Boom! One more time for the people in the back!

Same applies for incompetent husbands with every excuse in the book. Proactivity and accepting responsibility go a long way.

I'm the PP and have ADHD. Yeah the advice should be given to all the incompetent husbands that get posted about on here. I live by lists and calendars or else I'd be a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is new - could be related to perimenopause. Brain fog is real. Read Mary Clark Havers' The New Menopause (covers peri too), research brain fog in peri too (lots of info out there). You educated yourself, you educate your husband, you two together develop strategies to prevent it.

Op here. He’s one of those people who is high skeptical of pmd, he’ll never believe in any brain fog related to menopause.

He doesn’t believe in “excuses.” He’s like, just develop strategies for being better.

To add to this, he’s one of those people who prides himself on never getting sick or if he is sick, works from home instead of taking the day off.

He’s that kind of person. Highly perfectionistic. He’s climbed the ranks of his company and is now the boss. Guess who ordered everyone back to the office. That’s who I’m dealing with.

Continually making stupid mistakes like this is repulsive to him.

Oh, you're married to the guy everyone hates. I always wondered what kind of person married them.

Her husband probably isn't even that bad. .she just wants people to feel bad for her. All she's done is whine and make excuses

[Anonymous]

Too much on your plate! Try to do and have less, the stress will kill~

[Anonymous]

You have a husband problem.

Are you happily married. He seems too perfect for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

We don’t have a shared calendar because he normally doesn’t do any kid stuff. His job is too busy. That’s what makes this even more embarrassing. He did it today as a favor to me because I’m so sick and I still screwed or up.

Are you serious OP? You sound like a whiny brat.

How is it whiny if she does all the mud stuff and sees it as a favor to HER when her husband takes a kid to the doctor?

[Anonymous]

- you may have ADHD if this has been a thing for a while and not just a perimenopause thing - maybe worth talking to a doctor

- shared calendar is a must. Even if he doesn’t do kid stuff, you need it for when your vacations are planned, dinner at the Smiths’ house, work conference that impacts family schedule, etc etc. Google calendar is easy to use for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But it’s affected my husband 2x now and he is rightfully really irritated with me. What do you do when you are in this situation? Obviously I’ve apologized but now I am in the dog house and will be for a while. I hate myself.

OP, I will call your attention to the language in your original post. You expect that your husband will punish you for A WHILE because you made a mistake that is irritating and frustrating but not actually catastrophic in any way.

Look closely at your relationship. It sounds like your husband is a bully. Ask yourself - if a person I loved made this mistake, how would I react? Would I treat a loved one the way my husband treats me?

(My dad is like your husband. My mom, beaten down over the years, is sure she is incompetent even though she is wildly more capable and functional than many, many people. But my dad seizes on her mistakes and has done a number on her self esteem. It's a terrible feeling, to feel like you won't receive empathy or grace from your partner.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But it’s affected my husband 2x now and he is rightfully really irritated with me. What do you do when you are in this situation? Obviously I’ve apologized but now I am in the dog house and will be for a while. I hate myself.

OP, I will call your attention to the language in your original post. You expect that your husband will punish you for A WHILE because you made a mistake that is irritating and frustrating but not actually catastrophic in any way.

Look closely at your relationship. It sounds like your husband is a bully. Ask yourself - if a person I loved made this mistake, how would I react? Would I treat a loved one the way my husband treats me?

(My dad is like your husband. My mom, beaten down over the years, is sure she is incompetent even though she is wildly more capable and functional than many, many people. But my dad seizes on her mistakes and has done a number on her self esteem. It's a terrible feeling, to feel like you won't receive empathy or grace from your partner.)

Aaaand here you are, the predictable manhater poster, come to derail OP from working on herself with a projection narrative about how her husband sounds like the problem. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- you may have ADHD if this has been a thing for a while and not just a perimenopause thing - maybe worth talking to a doctor

- shared calendar is a must. Even if he doesn’t do kid stuff, you need it for when your vacations are planned, dinner at the Smiths’ house, work conference that impacts family schedule, etc etc. Google calendar is easy to use for sharing.

While she may have ADHD, she definitely has ASS, as in "A stubborn sonofa", demonstrated by how she continues to refuse to do anything proactive to actually solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But it’s affected my husband 2x now and he is rightfully really irritated with me. What do you do when you are in this situation? Obviously I’ve apologized but now I am in the dog house and will be for a while. I hate myself.

OP, I will call your attention to the language in your original post. You expect that your husband will punish you for A WHILE because you made a mistake that is irritating and frustrating but not actually catastrophic in any way.

Look closely at your relationship. It sounds like your husband is a bully. Ask yourself - if a person I loved made this mistake, how would I react? Would I treat a loved one the way my husband treats me?

(My dad is like your husband. My mom, beaten down over the years, is sure she is incompetent even though she is wildly more capable and functional than many, many people. But my dad seizes on her mistakes and has done a number on her self esteem. It's a terrible feeling, to feel like you won't receive empathy or grace from your partner.)

Aaaand here you are, the predictable manhater poster, come to derail OP from working on herself with a projection narrative about how her husband sounds like the problem. Gross.

Nope, I have a great husband and we both regularly make mistakes - sometimes in ways that are extremely frustrating or inconvenient or expensive in time or money. But we are kind to each other and forgive ourselves and each other for being human and work together so that we are mostly focused on being appreciative of each others' strengths.

Everyone here seems to overlook that OP isn't doing this particular kid runaround because she is SICK. And being sick surely (and reasonably) affects her attention/judgment/calendar management skills, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But it’s affected my husband 2x now and he is rightfully really irritated with me. What do you do when you are in this situation? Obviously I’ve apologized but now I am in the dog house and will be for a while. I hate myself.

OP, I will call your attention to the language in your original post. You expect that your husband will punish you for A WHILE because you made a mistake that is irritating and frustrating but not actually catastrophic in any way.

Look closely at your relationship. It sounds like your husband is a bully. Ask yourself - if a person I loved made this mistake, how would I react? Would I treat a loved one the way my husband treats me?

(My dad is like your husband. My mom, beaten down over the years, is sure she is incompetent even though she is wildly more capable and functional than many, many people. But my dad seizes on her mistakes and has done a number on her self esteem. It's a terrible feeling, to feel like you won't receive empathy or grace from your partner.)

Aaaand here you are, the predictable manhater poster, come to derail OP from working on herself with a projection narrative about how her husband sounds like the problem. Gross.

Nope, I have a great husband and we both regularly make mistakes - sometimes in ways that are extremely frustrating or inconvenient or expensive in time or money. But we are kind to each other and forgive ourselves and each other for being human and work together so that we are mostly focused on being appreciative of each others' strengths.

Everyone here seems to overlook that OP isn't doing this particular kid runaround because she is SICK. And being sick surely (and reasonably) affects her attention/judgment/calendar management skills, too.

Except she said she has been making these mistakes for a while, so that excuse doesn't pass muster. Such a prolonged period of inactivity toward correcting the problem when she knows it creates headaches for her husband is demonstrative of the fact that she is the one who does not care. This inactivity is the flip side of "not allowing human mistakes".

[Anonymous]

So, you're telling me there are men out there who are on top of things and get stuff done and get upset when others don't live up to their expectations? Where did you find this husband, and does he have a brother? Asking for a friend.

[Anonymous]

We both make mistakes and we never dwell on them. If something happens more than once then we look for a solution. I think in this case we would make a shared calendar.

I take the kids to most Dr appts and DH takes them to most dental appts. If there is an appt that we both need to be at or will need to coordinate, whoever made the appt screenshots their calendar and texts the other person with an explanation. Usually on sundays we take three minutes and look at our calendars and discuss any logistics needed for the upcoming week.

With our system there would have had two sets of eyes on the appt twice. Even if he doesn’t go to appts, isn’t he aware of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch roles. He makes appts, you take them. Or you develop systems. You call a few days ahead of an appt to confirm it. If you make in person, they write it on a card.

I did and I do!

Idk how this is possible but I thought today was December 9.

(To be fair though I have a really bad head cold right now that is making me woozy). Our kids had it before me and each has to take 2 or days off from school.

This doesn't even make sense to me. So you knew the appt was the 9th. Don't you two have a shared calendar? Also why would your DH take the 8th off if you KNEW the appt was on the 9th?

Because I home sick today. I do these appointments normally.

We don’t share a calendar.

Well, there's your answer. Duh. My teen and I have ADHD. We all share a calendar with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't your perfectionist DH not know today wasn't the 8th?
None of this makes sense
Get a shared calendar.
Get text/ email alerts for appointments.

Get a back bone and stop allowing your husband to treat you like shit