I hate gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just hate this time of year when we are expected to get our kids gifts. They are 9 and 6. My in laws go overboard on Xmas. We celebrate Xmas and Chanukah and it’s the little ones birthday month. I cannot think of more than 5 gifts for each. My DH refuses to ask his mom to chill out on the gifts. It’s a losing battle and in 2 months I’ll end up throwing all the toys out because they take up space and have too much stuff. How do I survive without tears?

Just buy less yourself. Let them enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

[Anonymous]

LET THE KIDS OPEN AND THEN DONATE THE EXCESS. No tears. Take pics. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LET THE KIDS OPEN AND THEN DONATE THE EXCESS. No tears. Take pics. Move along.

Unless you hand them to a person in need, they end up in the trash. Most of what is "donated" is actually trashed. It's the governments way of ensuring we spend more money, by making us believe that donations are used.

[Anonymous]

Try to keep any gifts that you know don't have staying power IN THE BOXES and keep them unopened. My kids would get an insane amount from my inlaws, and instead of fighting it, I'd just tuck things away as they opened it. Usually there was one main gift that caught their eye, and I'd let them open that one up and play with it while at the gathering. The rest, I'd bag up in one of the giant gift bags. Then when we got home if I thought we'd use it (like books or arts and crafts stuff) I'd put it away. Everything else went into a closet for a month. If no one asked about the gifts, I'd donate them or regift them as birthday presents to their friends (this got harder once they were a bit older and remembered).

Now mine are 8 and 10 and we talk about how we don't really need this stuff and choose what we'll donate.

This was a lot easier than trying to talk certain relatives out of gift giving. I have managed to talk quite a few down though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

I agree OP needs a practical solution to this. But it's hard to know what it should be without having more details, in terms of how much the ILs are buying, what exactly they are buying.

One thing I will say is that part of the issue here seems that the ILs are open to getting wish lists but that OP struggles to fill out these lists. That is an easy way to at least partially address this problem because if the ILs really want to buy gifts and OP isn't giving them much if any guidance, it's no wonder the kids wind up with lots of junk (I have a mother who will just go buy a bunch of junk at TJ Maxx or Walmart if not given guidance, so I know what this looks like -- random toys that aren't age appropriate, fall apart instantly, get used twice and abandoned, and take up tons of space).

I have found I have to just get better at helping kids create wishlists and providing additional guidance to grandparents to avoid a house full of junky gifts because the grandmas went a little nuts. I start with my kids, asking them for lists. They often struggle with this (unlike kids in the 80s, kids today do not consume hours of cartoons with a bunch of Hasbro commercials so they are simply less aware of what their toy options are). A question I always ask is "Is there a toy or something you've seen or played with at a friend's house that you really loved?" This is how much kids mostly find out about toys, and thus also how I mostly find out about toys. I also look at online gift guides for different age groups or for kid's interests (there are guides for kids who love ballet, kids who love reading, kids who are soccer obsessed, and on and on). I've also got a short list of retailers that curate their toy and gift offerings well. For younger kids, my go to is Maisonette because they do a great job of carrying only high quality, aesthetically pleasing, toys. They cost a little more but will last, and tend not to contribute as much to a house full of junk toys. For older kids, I try to steer grandparents away from toy retailers in general and more towards interests. Like for my kid who is a dancer, I will send links to dance supplier who carry not only dance clothes and shoes but also gifts like pretty dance bags, hair accessories, stickers, etc., that I know my kid will love.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that I was going to have to deal with the grandparent gifts one way or another. If you don't put energy into guiding them towards decent gifts beforehand, you will wind up being the one dealing with the profusion of junk gifts and the problems those cause after the fact, including trying to get rid of stuff that doesn't work or doesn't get played with but that your child has become irrationally attached to because it was a gift from grandma that looked exciting when they opened it on Christmas morning. So I now put more energy into the before part and my kids get good gifts and I don't have a house full of crap. Mostly. Sometimes my mom still sense crazy stuff.

[Anonymous]

Re-gift?

[Anonymous]

I think it's outrageous to regift/not open gifts. It feels like maybe people here are very wealthy so money is nothing to them, but to me that is so deeply insulting. Just use your words and say what you want dcs to get rather than be wasteful that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

I agree OP needs a practical solution to this. But it's hard to know what it should be without having more details, in terms of how much the ILs are buying, what exactly they are buying.

One thing I will say is that part of the issue here seems that the ILs are open to getting wish lists but that OP struggles to fill out these lists. That is an easy way to at least partially address this problem because if the ILs really want to buy gifts and OP isn't giving them much if any guidance, it's no wonder the kids wind up with lots of junk (I have a mother who will just go buy a bunch of junk at TJ Maxx or Walmart if not given guidance, so I know what this looks like -- random toys that aren't age appropriate, fall apart instantly, get used twice and abandoned, and take up tons of space).

I have found I have to just get better at helping kids create wishlists and providing additional guidance to grandparents to avoid a house full of junky gifts because the grandmas went a little nuts. I start with my kids, asking them for lists. They often struggle with this (unlike kids in the 80s, kids today do not consume hours of cartoons with a bunch of Hasbro commercials so they are simply less aware of what their toy options are). A question I always ask is "Is there a toy or something you've seen or played with at a friend's house that you really loved?" This is how much kids mostly find out about toys, and thus also how I mostly find out about toys. I also look at online gift guides for different age groups or for kid's interests (there are guides for kids who love ballet, kids who love reading, kids who are soccer obsessed, and on and on). I've also got a short list of retailers that curate their toy and gift offerings well. For younger kids, my go to is Maisonette because they do a great job of carrying only high quality, aesthetically pleasing, toys. They cost a little more but will last, and tend not to contribute as much to a house full of junk toys. For older kids, I try to steer grandparents away from toy retailers in general and more towards interests. Like for my kid who is a dancer, I will send links to dance supplier who carry not only dance clothes and shoes but also gifts like pretty dance bags, hair accessories, stickers, etc., that I know my kid will love.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that I was going to have to deal with the grandparent gifts one way or another. If you don't put energy into guiding them towards decent gifts beforehand, you will wind up being the one dealing with the profusion of junk gifts and the problems those cause after the fact, including trying to get rid of stuff that doesn't work or doesn't get played with but that your child has become irrationally attached to because it was a gift from grandma that looked exciting when they opened it on Christmas morning. So I now put more energy into the before part and my kids get good gifts and I don't have a house full of crap. Mostly. Sometimes my mom still sense crazy stuff.

OP again!

I will say that I THINK my DH tells his mom not to go overboard, but she doesn't listen. Everything to her (and my mom, so may be a generational thing), is about cost. "Oh it's ok that it broke, it was only $10" "It's only $20 and it makes them happy (for about 20 seconds....)". She doesn't mind that she spends $200 on them (for 10 gifts) because it's about money. She doesn't consider the waste, or the environmental impact, or how much damn room it takes up in my house. Only that SHE enjoys giving them gifts and it makes them happy for one day.

DH and I are generous throughout the year. They also get money from allowance, for their birthday etc so they are able to buy themselves stuff too. So I have 10 gift ideas for each that I have to spread between Hanukkah, Christmas and a birthday. But if she INSISTS on spending $200 each, I have to give her all the gift ideas. If I don't give her a list, she will buy absolute crap. That on top of her not listening to not buy them more than that, and the holiday just sucks. She sucks all the joy from me giving gifts to my kids and takes it for herself. I do not feel comfortable bypassing my husband and telling her directly because she's a gossip and she'll tell people what a B I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never had grandparents growing up so I may have a different perspective on this.

I suggest that you be grateful that your parents love your children so much that they buy them presents during the holidays. ❤️

This, my MIL is passed, and the rest of the grandparents buy nothing. They talk about how much they do when they don't do anything. I feel sad for my kids.

This just really isn't helpful.
It's OK to be overwhelmed with stuff and still love the grandparents but want them to tone it down. I (as the mother) bear the brunt of picking up these freakin toys every single day and finding a home for them on top of everything else. I'd suggest you let your dh know if he doesn't ask them to tone it down, he is the one responsible for picking up the toys and storing them. He must sit down and cull the toys and he may get on board a whole lot faster.
And those that just say donate don't have my kids. There are tears about anything that leaves our house "but grandma gave me that" and I have to sneak it all out.

I agree OP needs a practical solution to this. But it's hard to know what it should be without having more details, in terms of how much the ILs are buying, what exactly they are buying.

One thing I will say is that part of the issue here seems that the ILs are open to getting wish lists but that OP struggles to fill out these lists. That is an easy way to at least partially address this problem because if the ILs really want to buy gifts and OP isn't giving them much if any guidance, it's no wonder the kids wind up with lots of junk (I have a mother who will just go buy a bunch of junk at TJ Maxx or Walmart if not given guidance, so I know what this looks like -- random toys that aren't age appropriate, fall apart instantly, get used twice and abandoned, and take up tons of space).

I have found I have to just get better at helping kids create wishlists and providing additional guidance to grandparents to avoid a house full of junky gifts because the grandmas went a little nuts. I start with my kids, asking them for lists. They often struggle with this (unlike kids in the 80s, kids today do not consume hours of cartoons with a bunch of Hasbro commercials so they are simply less aware of what their toy options are). A question I always ask is "Is there a toy or something you've seen or played with at a friend's house that you really loved?" This is how much kids mostly find out about toys, and thus also how I mostly find out about toys. I also look at online gift guides for different age groups or for kid's interests (there are guides for kids who love ballet, kids who love reading, kids who are soccer obsessed, and on and on). I've also got a short list of retailers that curate their toy and gift offerings well. For younger kids, my go to is Maisonette because they do a great job of carrying only high quality, aesthetically pleasing, toys. They cost a little more but will last, and tend not to contribute as much to a house full of junk toys. For older kids, I try to steer grandparents away from toy retailers in general and more towards interests. Like for my kid who is a dancer, I will send links to dance supplier who carry not only dance clothes and shoes but also gifts like pretty dance bags, hair accessories, stickers, etc., that I know my kid will love.

I think the biggest thing for me was realizing that I was going to have to deal with the grandparent gifts one way or another. If you don't put energy into guiding them towards decent gifts beforehand, you will wind up being the one dealing with the profusion of junk gifts and the problems those cause after the fact, including trying to get rid of stuff that doesn't work or doesn't get played with but that your child has become irrationally attached to because it was a gift from grandma that looked exciting when they opened it on Christmas morning. So I now put more energy into the before part and my kids get good gifts and I don't have a house full of crap. Mostly. Sometimes my mom still sense crazy stuff.

The OP's email was about more than her inlaws. She said that she herself hates buying gifts because she can't think of things to buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just hate this time of year when we are expected to get our kids gifts. They are 9 and 6. My in laws go overboard on Xmas. We celebrate Xmas and Chanukah and it’s the little ones birthday month. I cannot think of more than 5 gifts for each. My DH refuses to ask his mom to chill out on the gifts. It’s a losing battle and in 2 months I’ll end up throwing all the toys out because they take up space and have too much stuff. How do I survive without tears?

Why don’t you gift these toys? I hope that’s what you have been doing and not literally throwing them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 and 13 and stopped wanting most gifts and just want experiences or one special thing now. We definitely don’t focus on gifts in our family (at least in high quantity) and it’s much easier that way. Try to reduce now and by the time they are older it will be of less importance to them.

My kids are the same age and this is where we are. What are you getting your kids this year?

[Anonymous]

Ask for money. Be honest that you won’t have room for toys and they will be thrown away in a month. Anyways, for Channukah it is traditional to give money also known as Channukah gelt.

[Anonymous]

You should do a scavenger hunt for your gifts. Make it fun. Hide some treats, gifts that explain experiences (movies Zootopia 2, ice skating or skiing et. Make it fun.