Do you think it is appropriate to invite not close family members to a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a very small family. Groom doesn’t want to invite his one uncle and one cousin in the US or aunt who lives in another country. This is mom’s only brother and dad’s only sister.

DH and I disagree on whether not close family should be invited just because they are family. There is no drama between groom and family members.

I had too much interference in my wedding so for all my kids the couple makes the decisions - venue, guest list, etc. Will help with logistics and funding.
Cash outflow is the same whether the wedding is small, my DC is male or female, amount the same whether split between vendors/venue/gift. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

The groom is your child? The potential guests at issue are your sibling and niece/nephew and DH's sibling? Despite them being "not close," you want them to be invited?

Have a talk with your son and let him know that it's important to you to include these people and why. If the issue is budget, offer to cover the cost for these three extra guests.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why people are telling you to butt out. Super rude not to invite them and will create drama where there wasn’t any. I would tell him exactly that. And if you’re contributing financially then I think you have even more reason to push back.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really surprised by many of the responses here but I strongly disagree. Weddings are about families, creating a new family, joining families, and welcoming a new person to each extended family. Unless there is a compelling reason for excluding them, include all four of them. We have had a couple of nieces and a nephew who left aunts and uncles off the guest list and it has caused really hard feelings. Unless, it's an extremely small wedding, I don't understand the thought- I don't want anyone who I don't know really well at my wedding. It's such a self centered take, get over yourself! Weddings should be a joyful celebration of your new life together. When have we as a society gotten so mentally ill that we can't tolerate unfamiliar people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really surprised by many of the responses here but I strongly disagree. Weddings are about families, creating a new family, joining families, and welcoming a new person to each extended family. Unless there is a compelling reason for excluding them, include all four of them. We have had a couple of nieces and a nephew who left aunts and uncles off the guest list and it has caused really hard feelings. Unless, it's an extremely small wedding, I don't understand the thought- I don't want anyone who I don't know really well at my wedding. It's such a self centered take, get over yourself! Weddings should be a joyful celebration of your new life together. When have we as a society gotten so mentally ill that we can't tolerate unfamiliar people?

I agree with you, which is why I was very inclusive with my wedding, and likely you were with yours. But guess what? This ain’t our wedding! The people getting married make the final decisions. And it’s really awful to use money as a mechanism for control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it any of yours or you DH's business?

This.
MYOB OP

Not your wedding. Not your call to make.

If OP is the groom's parent and their siblings are not being invited, they're being put in the middle.

Only if they choose to put themselves there. If anyone asks OP she can say the bride and groom made their own guest list. No “middle” required.

This.
Remove yourself OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't clarified. Is this your son? Is he paying, or are you? If you are donating then yes, he should add a few more guests you request. If he and his wife are paying in full, they chose the guest list.

We had a crazy situation. We got married on our own because we have high drama families and DH's parent's divorce, even though it happened many years ago was a mess. My parents insisted on throwing a party a fancy gathering a year later. We didn't want i, but went along to get along. Since they were paying we let mom be in charge. She would not allow us to invite any friends, but then when declines started coming in she allowed some and then insisted we invite them because she decided it would look bad if we didn't have a few friends there. Then she kept having dramas over things like her decision not to allow kids, what photos she wanted from the photographer. It never ended. I wish we had said no to the party too. Nobody wants drama as part of celebrating their union.

My BIL is getting married so DH’s brother. Their parents are divorced and these are their parents’ closest relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it any of yours or you DH's business?

Because it is our family!

Lady, you already had your wedding. This is your son’s choice not yours.

Etiquette and good manners always allow both parents of bride and groom to invite a guest or two.

I have never ever heard of this from Emily Post.

+1. Absurd. It’s the groom’s choice. End of discussion, OP needs to butt out and stop being judgmental

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't clarified. Is this your son? Is he paying, or are you? If you are donating then yes, he should add a few more guests you request. If he and his wife are paying in full, they chose the guest list.

We had a crazy situation. We got married on our own because we have high drama families and DH's parent's divorce, even though it happened many years ago was a mess. My parents insisted on throwing a party a fancy gathering a year later. We didn't want i, but went along to get along. Since they were paying we let mom be in charge. She would not allow us to invite any friends, but then when declines started coming in she allowed some and then insisted we invite them because she decided it would look bad if we didn't have a few friends there. Then she kept having dramas over things like her decision not to allow kids, what photos she wanted from the photographer. It never ended. I wish we had said no to the party too. Nobody wants drama as part of celebrating their union.

My BIL is getting married so DH’s brother. Their parents are divorced and these are their parents’ closest relatives.

Are you OP!? Because if so this has nothing at all to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't clarified. Is this your son? Is he paying, or are you? If you are donating then yes, he should add a few more guests you request. If he and his wife are paying in full, they chose the guest list.

We had a crazy situation. We got married on our own because we have high drama families and DH's parent's divorce, even though it happened many years ago was a mess. My parents insisted on throwing a party a fancy gathering a year later. We didn't want i, but went along to get along. Since they were paying we let mom be in charge. She would not allow us to invite any friends, but then when declines started coming in she allowed some and then insisted we invite them because she decided it would look bad if we didn't have a few friends there. Then she kept having dramas over things like her decision not to allow kids, what photos she wanted from the photographer. It never ended. I wish we had said no to the party too. Nobody wants drama as part of celebrating their union.

My BIL is getting married so DH’s brother. Their parents are divorced and these are their parents’ closest relatives.

Seems like a bit of a stretch.

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense if the extended family usually invites extended family to events.
As in, do these guests also invite this family to their family events? Weddings, seasonal parties, family reunions?
If not, it doesn't seem like there is an ongoing relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't clarified. Is this your son? Is he paying, or are you? If you are donating then yes, he should add a few more guests you request. If he and his wife are paying in full, they chose the guest list.

We had a crazy situation. We got married on our own because we have high drama families and DH's parent's divorce, even though it happened many years ago was a mess. My parents insisted on throwing a party a fancy gathering a year later. We didn't want i, but went along to get along. Since they were paying we let mom be in charge. She would not allow us to invite any friends, but then when declines started coming in she allowed some and then insisted we invite them because she decided it would look bad if we didn't have a few friends there. Then she kept having dramas over things like her decision not to allow kids, what photos she wanted from the photographer. It never ended. I wish we had said no to the party too. Nobody wants drama as part of celebrating their union.

My BIL is getting married so DH’s brother. Their parents are divorced and these are their parents’ closest relatives.

I see. That's a MYOB scenario for you, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't clarified. Is this your son? Is he paying, or are you? If you are donating then yes, he should add a few more guests you request. If he and his wife are paying in full, they chose the guest list.

We had a crazy situation. We got married on our own because we have high drama families and DH's parent's divorce, even though it happened many years ago was a mess. My parents insisted on throwing a party a fancy gathering a year later. We didn't want i, but went along to get along. Since they were paying we let mom be in charge. She would not allow us to invite any friends, but then when declines started coming in she allowed some and then insisted we invite them because she decided it would look bad if we didn't have a few friends there. Then she kept having dramas over things like her decision not to allow kids, what photos she wanted from the photographer. It never ended. I wish we had said no to the party too. Nobody wants drama as part of celebrating their union.

My BIL is getting married so DH’s brother. Their parents are divorced and these are their parents’ closest relatives.

Seems like a bit of a stretch.

We invited them to our wedding. In fact, we were requested to change the date of the wedding for the out of country relatives.

[Anonymous]

Groom invites 50%
Bride invites 50%
They invite whoever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it any of yours or you DH's business?

Because it is our family!

Lady, you already had your wedding. This is your son’s choice not yours.

DP, and I know this is an unpopular opinion, but a wedding is a family occasion. Or, in the absence of something else going on, it should be.

If son is paying for and planning the whole thing himself then he can do as he likes, but in my book, these family members would be invited.