DCUM parents with adult children on the autism spectrum, what does your child still struggle with the most as an adult?

[Anonymous]

My cousin, mid 30s. He has a job, drives and lived alone for a while. He moved back in with his parents during covid to "help them take care of their house" and never left. He has no friends outside the family and doesn't seem to want any. He went to college while living at home, the academic aspect was fine but he never participated in anything socially.
He seems pretty happy. He loves making home repairs and taking care of the pets. He is great at his job but will never get promoted because that would require social skills he doesn't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seizures, unfortunately. Between that and poor spatial reasoning, I'm not sure a driver's license will ever be a real option.

Thank you for sharing. Driving has been a milestone our 19 year old with ASD hasn't reached yet as well.

22 DS. Started the process recently.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have tips on teaching driving to people with this profile? Online simulations to make them more comfortable before starting in the car?

There’s a hospital program near me that is for teaching driving to people with TBIs, and I wondered if there is anything specialized like that.

[Anonymous]

18 year old ASD kid. They are preparing to go away to college. Most likely they will go to a school a plane ride or long drive away. They do not have a drivers license but we plan on working on that this spring or summer.

I know they will always struggle socially, but I am hoping for the best.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone suggest any resources - books, websites, etc., that cover basic life skills? I've looked around but haven't found a good "here's how the world works" for autistic people. They are either too basic - he's extremely intelligent overall - or just cover social skills.

My child is almost done with HS and doesn't have significant difficulties, but we frequently have to explain what comes to most kids instinctively, both practically (basic kitchen skills) and socially (yes, that one sentence email response to a teacher is fine, but you might want to add "Thank you!" at the end).

[Anonymous]

Anxiety and missing social cues. She has an overabundance of empathy towards oppressed/traumatized people, which has put her in a lot of bad situations. She's let many people live with her (not romantically) who rob her and trash her home, gotten her evicted. She's gotten involved in their niche causes even when they don't affect her and arrested at protests. She's alienated herself from friends and family because they don't understand the trauma that these oppressed people have (family is already very liberal and accepting). She's being used and often can't see it. This happens over and over and over again, not one time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have tips on teaching driving to people with this profile? Online simulations to make them more comfortable before starting in the car?

There’s a hospital program near me that is for teaching driving to people with TBIs, and I wondered if there is anything specialized like that.

My ASD/ADHD kid learned to drive at 17, during the pandemic, since there was nothing else to do. My husband took one for the team; I couldn't do it. They spent an incredible amount of time in an empty medical parking lot near our house, and then graduated to empty streets on Sunday mornings, and then busier streets and the highway. He passed his driving test easily, because we had gone to the MVA where we wanted him to take the test, and I had taken *video of the course with other students on it* (before being waved off).

Learning was fraught: there was some yelling involved, tearing out of hair and gnashing of teeth. If he hadn't been in virtual school that year, we wouldn't have done it. The problems centered around his inattention, low processing speed and *spatial awareness issues*! I don't know if this is typical of autistic kids, or just issues with my kid. We didn't let him drive alone until he had a part-time job at 20, and even then, he didn't have far to drive.

I keep hoping self-driving cars will become safer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone suggest any resources - books, websites, etc., that cover basic life skills? I've looked around but haven't found a good "here's how the world works" for autistic people. They are either too basic - he's extremely intelligent overall - or just cover social skills.

My child is almost done with HS and doesn't have significant difficulties, but we frequently have to explain what comes to most kids instinctively, both practically (basic kitchen skills) and socially (yes, that one sentence email response to a teacher is fine, but you might want to add "Thank you!" at the end).

No books, but we run through scenarios. How much food to put on your plate at a potluck (ie don't hog an entire dish that everyone wants), what to bring when invited to someone's house, how to make small talk with strangers, what clothes go with what..

I will say that in the autism community there's an extreme amount of backlash over things like that. They call it being forced to mask and disagree with it entirely. Things like forcing eye contact is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No college, no job, no driver's license, living at home.

Most of the ASD young adults I know are in the same situation.

I wonder how this will change now that the ASD spectrum has been broadened so much. No snark intended, but there are obviously a lot of kids with ASD diagnoses these days who will be fully independent adults. (no dog in fight).

I know someone with autism who got married. But the outcome was terrible, he just walked away from his family. I think he lost his job as well.

True autism has a huge impact on functioning.

+1

Come to think about it, if autistic people were to make friends as they become adults or start college and try to start a new life. This becomes a whole new level of difficulty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 year old ASD kid. They are preparing to go away to college. Most likely they will go to a school a plane ride or long drive away. They do not have a drivers license but we plan on working on that this spring or summer.

I know they will always struggle socially, but I am hoping for the best.

Good luck. I would plan some visits to check in. Or set up regular communications expectations like a weekly zoom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anxiety and missing social cues. She has an overabundance of empathy towards oppressed/traumatized people, which has put her in a lot of bad situations. She's let many people live with her (not romantically) who rob her and trash her home, gotten her evicted. She's gotten involved in their niche causes even when they don't affect her and arrested at protests. She's alienated herself from friends and family because they don't understand the trauma that these oppressed people have (family is already very liberal and accepting). She's being used and often can't see it. This happens over and over and over again, not one time.

This sounds very, very similar to one of my loved ones with ASD. If you can tell me more about how you have addressed this, I’d appreciate it. What do you think the connection to ASD is? I never put two and two together with this but this is eerily familiar.

[Anonymous]

I'm not local, but in my state there is a place called 'ASD Drive Ready' that has a VR program for people with ASD to learn to drive. My dc is 11 so have not used it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anxiety and missing social cues. She has an overabundance of empathy towards oppressed/traumatized people, which has put her in a lot of bad situations. She's let many people live with her (not romantically) who rob her and trash her home, gotten her evicted. She's gotten involved in their niche causes even when they don't affect her and arrested at protests. She's alienated herself from friends and family because they don't understand the trauma that these oppressed people have (family is already very liberal and accepting). She's being used and often can't see it. This happens over and over and over again, not one time.

This sounds very, very similar to one of my loved ones with ASD. If you can tell me more about how you have addressed this, I’d appreciate it. What do you think the connection to ASD is? I never put two and two together with this but this is eerily familiar.

I’m not the PP you quoted, but having had two children recently diagnosed with ASD, and having done numerous assessments for neuropsychs and ABA intakes, I can tell you that being easily taken advantage of is something they ask about. I would think it has something to do with being able to read social cues and assess people’s intentions. That interpersonal “reading” piece is just missing for some of our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have tips on teaching driving to people with this profile? Online simulations to make them more comfortable before starting in the car?

There’s a hospital program near me that is for teaching driving to people with TBIs, and I wondered if there is anything specialized like that.

My ASD/ADHD kid learned to drive at 17, during the pandemic, since there was nothing else to do. My husband took one for the team; I couldn't do it. They spent an incredible amount of time in an empty medical parking lot near our house, and then graduated to empty streets on Sunday mornings, and then busier streets and the highway. He passed his driving test easily, because we had gone to the MVA where we wanted him to take the test, and I had taken *video of the course with other students on it* (before being waved off).

Learning was fraught: there was some yelling involved, tearing out of hair and gnashing of teeth. If he hadn't been in virtual school that year, we wouldn't have done it. The problems centered around his inattention, low processing speed and *spatial awareness issues*! I don't know if this is typical of autistic kids, or just issues with my kid. We didn't let him drive alone until he had a part-time job at 20, and even then, he didn't have far to drive.

I keep hoping self-driving cars will become safer...

We already had to extend our DD’s learners permit once because she just needs more time. She is good when someone is with her, but she can lose track of things like lights changing colors, etc. she needs a very proactive passenger seat partner.

My goal is to get her a drivers license so when more autonomous driving car capabilities are available she will have a license. In the meantime she can take some hours on long road trips with the family, etc, but will not drive independently for a long time, outside her driving test.

[Anonymous]

My 19 year old is doing better and is happier than I thought possible. Academic skills/studying for exams/doing non preferred assignments is still very difficult -- but it's getting better.